Dear Lady Gaga,
We’re worried about you. No, not because of your recent finger-flipping faceoff with Mets fans or your alleged banning from the Yankees’ clubhouse. Not because Camille Paglia is slagging you off as “high concept fabrication without an ounce of genuine eroticism.” And not because Jerry Seinfeld called you a jerk.
We know you’re too smart to let your career go off the rails. Heck, your “Monster Ball Tour” is so popular that it’s already booked into next April. But we can see a few glitches in the normally well-oiled Gaga Persona-Creation Machine. and we thought we’d offer a few suggestions of things you should stop doing before they get out of hand.
1. Stop working so hard. Even the Hardest Working Woman in Show Business needs a break some time, not just for yourself — those hospital stays for exhaustion can’t be fun — but for your fans. Your All-Ga-All-The-Time strategy has worked well, but, as they say, how can we miss you if you won’t go away?
2. Stop paying homage to Madonna. Of course, the Material Girl influenced you, but so did lots of others. Focusing on them would take some air out of the Madonna knockoff argument.
3. Stop trying to top yourself video-wise. Look, casual music fans (and much of the mainstream press) don’t understand the music business. They’ve jumped down your throat for your “Alejandro” video not being as good as your “Telephone” video because they don’t understand that single releases tend to dip slightly from the same album. Of course it’s not as good, or it would’ve come out first. Though it’s not clear how many more singles you’re releasing from “The Fame Monster,” maybe you could do a live video for “Dance in the Dark” and no video (!) for “So Happy I Could Die.”
4. Stop saying your next album is done. It may actually be done, but we all know there will be some tweaking before it comes out. Let’s keep some mystery alive! Also, you might not want to say it will be “more bitter” and then roll out the super-sweet rock love song “You and I.”
5. Stop beefing with the paparazzi. They helped make you a star, not to mention giving you inspiration for a big hit single.