Okay - so you suffered through the first three Twilight films and came away more or less unscathed (unless you are reading this as part of some court-ordered rehabilitation…or in preparation for a five state killing spree). You may have even hit up Rifftrax for a couple of aesthetic-calming audio commentary tracks. Maybe, just maybe, you even enjoyed a moment or two of the recent installment (though it has to be said that the whole “shattering diamond head” concept is a little farfetched, even for this franchise). Still, it’s easy to hear the voice in your head arguing “there must be better vampire/werewolf” movies than this. It’s also easy to hear the other voices compelling you toward violence on anything remotely related to the series - it comes with the Twilight territory.
So, after promising your paramour an infinity of love and then sending them off to bed for dreams of Jasper and any other random, non-famous member of the Cullen/Quileute gang, call up your Netflix account and try one of these superior scary movies on for size. Granted, they might also inspire you to senseless acts of self-destruction, but at least you won’t have to suffer through endless sequences of pale actors making cow eyes at each other. Oh, and one more caveat. This is not meant as some kind of BEST OF list. Don’t get angry if your favorite ginger snapping dog soldier Nosferatu is not represented or that old school Universal shivers somehow got left out. This is your first post-Twilight attempt at righting an artistic wrong after all. We’re going to take it slow before building to the bigger stuff.