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by David Maine

2 Aug 2012


Alternative titles: Subterranean Homesick Blues; Notes From Underground

POSITIVES:
Hilarious introduction from USC “English Professor”
Effectively claustrophobic setting, with good underground lighting effects
Snappy dialogue (at times) and truly bizarre dance sequence
Two non- or semi-human civilizations/species for the price of one! (Three, if you count the French guy)
High Priest has weird, four-stranded facial hair
     
NEGATIVES:
There are sheep. Living underground. What do they eat?
Pointless ending

by David Maine

26 Jul 2012


Alternate titles: I Never Metalunan I Didn’t Like; What Is It About Aliens and Bad Hair?

POSITIVES:
Big-budget production features lavish sets and good special effects
Committed cast turns in a solid performance
Sense of wonder engendered by what’s going on “out there” (and reinforced by the title)
Very cool monsters and an unexpected ending
It’s in color!

NEGATIVES: 
Monsters, although cool, are thin on the ground
A great deal of setup is necessary for the plot, but drags a bit

by David Maine

19 Jul 2012


Alternative titles: Sucks to Be You; Montezuma’s Other Revenge

POSITIVES:
Terrific moody atmosphere with plenty of swirling mist and torchlight
Unexpected human-into-bat moments
Inventive camera angles and crisp pace keep things moving along
Mexican movie exudes “foreign film” snob-appeal status

NEGATIVES:
Romance, thought not awful, is unecessary baggage
Sags a bit in the middle (sort of like me, come to think of it)

by David Maine

12 Jul 2012


Alternative title: The Really Really HUGE Carnivorous Blood-Slurping Scorpion Whose Color Is Pretty Much Irrelevant

POSITIVES:
Scorpions are cool
Tons of monster screen time
Kooky Mexican scientist has frightening hairpiece
World’s dumbest soldier is put in charge of secret experimental weapon
Special effects supervised by Willis O’Brien, of King Kong fame

NEGATIVES:
Slow start
Stop-motion effects give way in city scenes to lame superimposed shadows
Cloying, annoying little kid. Why, God, why?

by David Maine

28 Jun 2012


Alternative title: Rebel Without a Rocket

POSITIVES:
Rollicking romping camp-fest featuring a Slinky Wedding Dance!
A bevy of lunar lovelies aka “International Beauty Contest Winners”!
Laconic James Dean clone with a heart of gold!
Lunar ambulatory rock monsters and a bone-chilling spider o’ doom!
Like sex with Salma Hayek, you just want it to go on and on and on and on

NEGATIVES:
You just want it to go on and on and on—but like sex with Salma Hayek, IT ALL ENDS TOO SOON

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