Photo credit: Steve Diet Goedde Photo credit: Steve Diet Goedde Photo credit: Steve Diet Goedde

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Each month Bodymatters will feature articles and interviews on body cultures.

Fetish Diva Midori grew up in Japan and moved to the USA in her teens where she became a fetish model and a diva in the San Francisco fetish scene. As a model, she is featured in Steve Diet Goedde's The Beauty of Fetish and The Beauty of Fetish II. Fetish Diva Midori retired from professional dominance in 2001 to pursue her career as a writer and educator. She teaches seminars throughout the United States and Europe. Her first book, The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage, was recently published by Greenery Press.

Photographs of Fetish Diva Midori courtesy of Steve Diet Goedde.

PopMatters:You were born in Japan and grew up in a "feminist, intellectual Tokyo household". What were some important influences in your early life?

Fetish Diva Midori: I was raised by two strong and intelligent women with their own definitive worldviews and styles: my grandmother and mother. As my primary care takers, they were most certainly the strongest influences, helping to form my identity. My grandmother (RIP) was a dignified small woman who spoke quietly, yet had the presence of a giant and the ability to approve or disapprove a person with a glance. She was a total dominant, a benevolent dictator, and I was her star pupil. She encouraged me to find my own path, even if that was not a path that society expected of me. She expected me to be strong and independent. My mother is a graceful woman of powerful intellect, delicate Victorian sensibilities and refinement, yet possessing the drive of a Maverick from her bloodline of frontiers women and passions of a revolutionary. Her grace, intellect, manners and purpose are an inspiration to me.

Outside of the family unit, the unique erotic undercurrents of Japan, both from Kyoto and Tokyo, influenced my own erotic aesthetics. I have found a great deal of inspiration from the myths, both ancient and modern, for my fetish and SM style.

PM: Please talk about the "unique erotic undercurrents of Japan".

FDM: For example: in Japan the nape of the neck showing under the kimono is considered very sexy, as is the strand of hair falling from the perfectly coifed hair. In some sense it's more subtle, in other ways it's wildly wicked and aggressive: such as the image of tentacled monsters, whether the octopus in Edo period, Ukiyoe, or modern Anime alien monsters violating innocent women. There's no sexual guilt based on religion's shame, hell fire and damnation. There's nothing considered wrong with sex. What's shameful is violation of one's position in life, station, or responsibility. This can get eroticized a great deal. This is a huge topic. I might suggest that folks take a look at a book called The Pink Samurai.

PM: Did the feminist ideals you grew up with conflict with or support your career as a dominant?

FDM: They totally supported it. It's nothing new for women in my family to carve their own path, even if that path is not socially popular. The lesson that was drilled into me was to be true to myself. My feminism comes from generation of practice, not ivory tower theory. It's very practical.

PM: You came to the USA in your teens and enlisted. Why did the military appeal to you?

FDM: A closeted uniform fetish? You know, I'm only half joking. The martial life, both in the D/s (dominance and submission) expression as well as the fetishistic aspect of it certainly seemed natural to me. I know that I wasn't aware enough of my desires to say so back then, but it's clear to me in hindsight.

I also wanted to create for myself my own rite of passage, if you will. Having grown up in a feminist, intellectual household, what better way to prove my metal than to succeed in a masculine, physical, hierarchical organization?

PM: You also did a Psychology degree at Berkeley. Were you intending to take up a career in psychology at that time?

FDM: Like so many liberal arts undergraduates, I didn't know. I suppose if I had gone pre-med, my life would be considerably different now. Maybe, maybe not. But it did teach me to look deeper and more critically into human behavior. My degree is in Psych, with a focus on neural biological psych, a good solid liberal arts education. It's the sort of studies in college whose benefits don't emerge until many years after graduation.

PM: How did you move from that world into the world of professional dominance?

FDM: I think the question you're asking is how did a nice Japanese American Feminist gal from Berkeley go totally live, immersively kinky, and out to the world about it?

PM: Yes Ma'am.

FDM: I began playing with bondage and sex with my first boyfriend in college. Nothing radical, just a little bit of sex adventures. I really enjoyed it. I didn't even realize that others didn't do that. I thought it was pretty normal. I guess that's my Japanese side! After Berkeley I moved to that fabulous and glamorous city across the fog of the Bay, to San Francisco, where I discovered a wonderful underground of fetish clubs, SM organizations, sex parties, swingers clubs, dungeons, bath houses, sex clubs, strip joints, etc. I tried as much as I could. Some things were hot for me, others were not.

PM: What happened next?

FDM: Eventually I found friends, lovers, mentors and comrades in adventures. I volunteered and studied as a sex educator through San Francisco Sex Information. I continued to go for erotic adventures, played with lots and lots of SM for quite a while. Then I wanted to learn more . . . more about topping and good rope bondage. Then a friend of mine connected me with a local professional dominant, with whom I began to apprentice as a professional submissive and then as a professional dominant. I had no plans of being a full time professional. I only wanted to learn her skills and have more adventures in the exciting erotic underground of San Francisco. Then I realized that I was really good at this . . . that I really enjoyed it . . . and that I touched my client's hearts in a good way . . . It seemed to be more significant work, more purposeful work, than the nine-to-five corporate grind that I was doing full time. I gave myself six months more to think about it and then did the scariest thing I've ever done: I went into business for myself. I had seven very successful years. I had planned for five years originally, but time flies when you're having fun!

PM: Last year you ended your career as a professional dominant to become a full time writer and educator. Please talk about that transition.

FDM: Even when I was a full time professional dominant, I was teaching classes on SM increasingly, and also writing about it. I really owe it to Karen at QSM and Layne at Spectator magazine for encouraging me to teach and write. I slowly increased my teaching and writing, which made for a natural transition from my old career to my career now. I now travel most weekends teaching exciting seminars on how to spice up your play life, deepen your SM experience and find new depth in the self.

PM: You recently published a book . . .

FDM: This past year saw the release of my book, The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage, from Greenery Press. It's the first book of its kind in the USA. I'm thrilled to report that it's flying off the bookshelves! I'm also getting great career satisfaction from consulting, teaching, and coaching individuals and couples on SM/Ds and fetish skills. I mainly teach heterosexual couples but I've also tutored lesbian and gay male couples, as well. I like knowing that I help to add a new depth and passion to a couple's life!

PM: How did you develop the identity "Fetish Diva Midori"?

FDM: I did not choose my title "Fetish Diva". I consider it "granted" to me by a man whom I really respect: Fakir Musafar. He is considered to be the "father of modern primitivism". He's given much credit in restoring and bringing awareness to many of the body modifications such as piercing and corset training. He's also one of the men in the leather S/M communities that I consider my beloved mentors/leather-uncles [included in the ranks are Tony DeBlas (RIP), Joseph Bean, Ernest Greene, Dr. Robert Lawrence]. I am proud to have him as a friend.

Many years ago, long before I went professional, when I was a private player in the community, a fashion chameleon and fetish fashion model, he interviewed me for his magazine Body Play, where he referred to me as a Fetish Princess and Fetish Diva.

I really liked (the name) as it really suits my personality. So it was "granted" to me by a person I really respect. It's so become a part of my identity that I am in the process of legally trade marking that term. It's interesting that in the last few years I've seen various other people use that title as if it were some position in community hierarchy. Unfortunately I've had to follow legal advice and notify them of the trademark issue. They're generally really nice. Hey, if you see other folks using either Fetish Diva or Midori, please let me know.

PM: Naming is important to the ritual aspects of fetish and BDSM. How do you not like to be addressed?

FDM: I need to mention a minor pet peeve of mine, about disliking being called "Mistress Midori". I really don't like that. I always introduce myself as Fetish Diva Midori or just simply Midori. I generally use the full title for official events such as judging a leather contest, as the by-line for my articles, initial introductions, or signing off in communications. Heck, my new book, The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage, comes out with the by-line only as Midori.

It's like a Dr. Jane Doe might be introduced as Dr. Doe formally but after that may prefer to be addressed as simply Jane. Now I understand that some people prefer to use some term and title that indicates respect. In that situation I let them know that they may call me "Ma'am". But back to the "Mistress Midori" thing. I know, I know, it's a common mistake. I simply and gently correct the person. But as I sign all my work "Fetish Diva Midori" and ask to be introduced as such, I would hope that people might notice and respect that. Each dominant woman, professional or private, has her preferred way to be addressed. I think it would be considerate if a person who wishes to play with her or serve her would take the very respectful and gracious step of asking how she prefers to be addressed, rather than thrusting upon her a title she may not like.

PM: Last week you went snowboarding. Were you "Fetish Diva Midori on vacation" or were you "myself on vacation from being Fetish Diva Midori"? Are you always Fetish Diva Midori and if not, who are you when you are not Fetish Diva Midori?

FDM:(laughing) Darling! I'm always fabulous! I'm always a fetishist, and certainly, I'm always a diva! By diva, I mean a woman of grace who has a strong sense of self and the rightness of self in the world. She knows her strengths and weaknesses, and does not shy away from expressing with confidence her hard studied and natural talents.

Oh, sure, according to the context of the situation my expressions of self shift a bit, and the wardrobe shifts a great deal. I'm not going to wear fetish boots on the slopes or wear my kayak PFD to a kinky party. For example, you'll find me more formal and behaving in accordance with certain sets of cultural codes in "High Fetish" or "High Protocol D/s" environments, compared to when I'm at the gym, but who I am in all it's complexity is always there. The combinations of the expression of personality "ingredients" may vary from situation to situation. And anyway, even after a day of snow boarding, there is après-ski kink!

I am always a fetishist and that remains consistent. I am in some ways, always a diva. I'm certainly always Midori.

PM: Valerie Steele says in her book, Fetish Fashion Sex and Power, that "fetish fashion is popular with women, in large part because it adds the idea of power to femininity". Ms Steele also quotes Freud as saying, "All women are clothes fetishists". Please comment on these statements.

FDM: I find truth in both statements. Let's look at Freud's comment first. Before any reader starts lambasting Dr. Freud, let's first remember that he is one of the great thinkers of a century and a half ago, and thus his observations are very much based on the social and cultural context of his time.

In his time, when women were legally the property of their fathers and then their husbands, what aspect did most women have control over? Not their career, not their education, but they did have certain control over their fashion expression, and in turn expression of self, whether status, power, taste, sexuality. Thus, I can certainly see where fashion became the default repository for women's dreams and desires, whether conscious or subconscious. This statement by Freud is an interesting contradiction, as I believe according to traditional Freudian thought the male is traditionally the fetishist: fetishism and paraphilia (are) considered the displaced longing for the mother's phallus.

As for Ms. Steele's comment, yes, I think fashion gives a woman a way to visually code her power to her partner and the community as well as to herself. Putting on the visual code, or the clothing that adds the idea of power to femininity, may be the way in which she gives herself permission to then take the power. This is one of the special powers of fashion in role-playing sex games.

PM: When I interviewed (fetish photographer) Lee Higgs, he described dressing as a form of ritual magic: casting a spell. Do you see clothing in those terms?

FDM: I do in many, but not all, occasions. There are certainly times when I take care in how I dress: methodically and mindfully. I take pleasure in dressing for the opera or for SM play. The process of dressing and make up become part of the "event". It creates a boundary from the hustle and bustle of the every-day. It's even a form of meditation for me: the process of dressing mindfully helps to get me into the desired mind state for the particular event. And yes, I wear elegant fetish wear to the opera.

PM: Please say more about the connections between clothing and power.

FDM: Clothes are the plumage of the human race. Other creatures have fur and feathers to show their age, gender, territoriality, mating receptivity, dominance and submission. We have clothes. However, unlike other creatures, we have created a highly codified "language" of fashion to express power with it. We're such fickle creatures; we can't make anything easy for ourselves! How capably and deftly a person uses this language of self adornment in itself expresses their proficiency in wielding power in society. I could go on about this topic, but I also know that you want me to finish this interview (laughs).

PM: What are the connections between the mastery of appearance and style and other forms of social mastery?

FDM: Clothing is part of the signal we send out to the world as to who we are and what "group" we come from. It's similar to language, but obviously a visual coding system. How I speak will affect how others perceive me and categorize me. How the listener consciously or subconsciously categorizes me is tremendously influenced by my language. The same goes for clothing. You would have different assumptions about who I am if I spoke with a heavy Japanese accent, English accent, or Southern accent; you'd think differently of me if I spoke slowly or quickly, with or without swear words, use of technical jargon or slang, even whether my conversation uses more rationalistic or emotional language. The listener makes assumptions about my education, class, approachability, etc.

The same goes for attire. If an SM player were at an SM party and met me wearing Gap clothing, they might assume that I'm a cultural tourist and choose not to interact with me. If I wore full fetish wear to the bank, it would be hard for me to do business smoothly. On the other hand, understanding the language of fashion allows you to push the limits just enough to achieve "fabulousness". Think about Dietrich and her sleek, mannish clothing. Madonna is obviously inspired by Dietrich and pushes the threshold of fashion and context just enough to define herself. When I wear fetish to the opera, I know the emotional impact I'm creating, but I make sure that it's never that of vulgarity, but rather that of daring and style. It expresses who I am.

Mastery of the language of fashion gives a person another level (on which) to skillfully communicate the self to the rest of the world.

PM: Clothing in our society is often seen as a costume or a disguise. When you talk about fetish clothes becoming part of your "flesh, skin and being", and being an "integrated expression of (your) inner power", instead of clothing as a disguise, you seem to see clothing as a form of self-discovery and self-revelation.

Fetish Diva Midori: Did you ever have to wear a uniform; such as for school, military, work or a club?

PM: Yes Ma'am.

FDM: For many people who have had to wear some sort of a uniform, and I have, in school in Japan, in the military, and to a certain extent in corporate America, they become acutely aware of the expressiveness of clothing. (laughing) I suppose you only appreciate the power of something when it's taken away.

In a situation where one must wear a uniform, where self-expression by clothing is intentionally stripped, we find creative loopholes to make the self shine. This may be intentional or unintentional. A schoolgirl's skirt length, both here and in Japan, expresses her "clique". A businessman's selection of suit /tie/shirt expresses his class, business type and hip-ness or square-ness. An officer with a West Point ring is signaling something very specific.

Some people use the language of clothing to create an impression of a persona. Others use it to signal more intensely about who they are. Consider the first punks and flower children. They were telling us in no uncertain terms who they were. We may put a costume on, but for many people that sense of costumed role-playing is simply one way of expressing some smaller facet of who they are. For many it's an expression of the archetype within themselves. Think Village People.

When we played super hero games as kids, somewhere inside us, we were really superheroes. It's not that different now as grown ups.

You know how some people can wear the most exquisite clothing and look kind of, well, shabby? And someone else can wear a simple T-shirt and jeans and they shine? I think that happens when there's a match or mismatch between their inside and outside.

PM: Please comment on the differences between striptease and fetish as displays of erotic power

FDM: Interesting question. I suppose I've never thought of that because my fetish dressing is almost entirely a self-contained eroticism. I am dressing in things that make me feel good, sexy and powerful. For me, it really doesn't matter if what I'm wearing is arousing others. I care in so far as: "are they getting the signal that I intend to convey?" Otherwise, I dress for my own pleasure, not for other's fetish pleasure.

If I were to strip, and I certainly have for lovers (giggling a bit), in that situation the action of stripping is focused on the other's reaction and my thrill and arousal is predicated upon the lover-audience's response and arousal.

PM: Are women (more than men) the true masters of the power of appearance?

FDM: Some women certainly are, but not all women. This may come from the fact that, until recently, men had a pretty narrow band of fashion to choose from and it was pretty easy to just mix and match a few pieces and be done with it. Men also didn't have the pressure to dress. A man used to be able to wear the same suit several days in a row but that wasn't true for women. I suppose that came from women serving the function of social ornamentation. Interestingly enough, the pressure to dress well for men is now increased a great deal and men are now having to learn the dress codes of "success". Many men are delighting in this opportunity to express the self and many find it a pain in the rear, but GQ and other men's fashion magazines are selling, so that certainly substantiates my claim.

PM: Is it the eroticism of the fetish object that makes it powerful, or is it the power of the fetish object that makes it erotic?

FDM: What's the difference? (laughs) No, really, it's one and the same, like the chicken and the egg. Eroticism holds a power of control and desire. Powerful things are attractive and erotic for us. Fetishists come to relate the one with the other.

PM: When you are modeling for photographers like Steve Diet Goedde, what dominant/submissive dynamics come into play? Please talk about power exchange as it manifests itself in fetish modeling.

FDM: It doesn't. It's all about fetish. For me, as a model it's about simultaneously taking pleasure in my own fetish, whether that's the latex, corset, leather, shoes or boots, sharing that pleasure with another who understands it, and simultaneously becoming the fetish object.

I am aware that as I collaborate with the few exceptional fetish photographers such as Steve, I am recreating myself in his lens as a moment of immortality, or creating a still doppelganger where I am the fetish object. That's a huge turn-on for me.

PM: Do you experience yourself at this moment through the viewer's eyes and become aroused by the viewer's desire for you? Is it the control you exert over the other's desire that turns you on? What turns you on?

FDM: It really has nothing to do with the viewer's sexual desire for me. That's utterly irrelevant to me. It's the power of the photograph turning my image into a permanent and separate avatar, an icon, and that icon holding the power of inspiration and awe, of art and presence of spirit that turns me on. It's about coming close to becoming a being that exhilarates another's soul. That's the power of the muse. I find it thrilling that my image can take on a life of it's own, and as my photos are taken, a part of me becomes an entity unto itself and lives a life that may move or inspire others in ways I will never know. That's exciting.

PM: You are about 5' 2", quite petite, and at times we all feel emotionally vulnerable. When you put on leather and latex and enact the dominant role are you compensating in any way for feelings of physical or emotional vulnerability?

FDM: No, I don't see it that way. It's more about wearing how I feel inside. I don't feel 5'2". When I'm in the mood for fetish dressing I'm not feeling weak. I have my bathrobe and bunny slippers for those moments. When I'm in my fetish wear I'm feeling tall and strong. I'm letting that permeate to my skin and beyond and I don the attire that expresses that. Eventually the clothes become part of my flesh, skin and being. It's an integrated expression of my inner power.

Having said that, it can be a bit different with fur for me. It's warm and fuzzy and nurturing and smells of the comforts of an animal cave that might be my cave to hibernate in. Fur for me is a sleepy, comfy and protective sensuality that I put on when I'm feeling cuddly with myself.

PM: What are the pleasures and pains of being a dominant?

FDM: Perhaps this might be better stated as what are the pleasures and pains of being honest to your own sexual desires and sexual orientation? I think for many people the pleasure is in being able to express honestly to their lover who they are sexually. Conversely, the fears of rejection in expressing this loom over them as well.

From my own early explorations as well as from what I hear from my students, the number one difficulty in erotic dominance is confidence. For the pleasure, what I often hear is the joy in finding their own sexual style, the erotic voice that really fits them well.

PM: The dominant has to be strong, perfect and impeccable at all times. Isn't this a tremendously stressful role?

FDM: No, this isn't true at all. I mean the part about the dominant being "strong, perfect and impeccable at all times". That is just non-sense. I'm not. I don't know a single non-fictional dominant like that. If they claim to be so, they're a big, blustering liar. The best dominants I've met are the ones who know that they are not perfect, they continue to learn, they have a sense of humor around their human imperfections and weaknesses, and know their own strengths and skills and possess them unapologetically.

Are they impeccable at all times? After I've had a hot, steamy, physically intense and emotionally deep scene I'm hardly impeccable. But I also know that I'm glowing with joy, arousal, thrill and power, and that's sexy!

If one is being honest to their sexual expression, it shouldn't be stressful. What can be stressful is the communication between the parties involved to get to the place of getting what each party needs and it can also be stressful for the dominant who is still figuring out what his or her needs are. Until the needs are clearly understood, there will be a certain level of frustration. I think a lot of people try too hard to model themselves after some fictional image of what they're "supposed" to be as a sexual dominant, and that's really frustrating. That's why I created the class, "The Art of Feminine Dominance", where the women (and men) find their own style of dominant sexual personae.

PM: Do you have 24/7 relationships with submissives?

FDM: Yes, I do. I have one full time submissive boy and another in consideration. I have others who are in service to me for limited times, for a weekend or a week for example. I also have friends with whom I don't have a 24/7 relationship but a nice occasional play relationship, and "vanilla" or non-SM lovers as well.

PM: What are the special challenges of a full-time D/s relationship?

FDM: Communication. Establishing boundaries. Communication. Knowing each other's needs, wants and limits. Communication. Realistic expectations. Communication. Having the same expectations and goals in the relationship. Communication. Time. Especially for busy professionals. Communication. Hmmm. Funny thing — it's the same as any other form of relationship!

Concisely put (and this is from one of my articles): D/s is a relationship construct containing elements of formalized power distribution, entered into with mutual agreement by two or more self-sufficient and responsible adults possessing their own powers and identity. It's in the internal definition of consented power distribution and how that manifests that the D/s relationship varies from other relationships.

PM: What is meant by "power exchange"?

FDM: Think of it like ballroom dancing versus nightclub dancing. In a sexual or relational situation where the two are equal, it is like nightclub dancing. Both are dancing together, but neither is leading or following, but they're both having fun and the dancing works well there. It would be weird if one person insisted on leading in that situation.

In an SM or D/s sexual/relational situation, it's more like ballroom dancing. It's agreed upon that one person leads and the other is following. That one person is consenting to let the other lead and thus take more power in the choreographing of the experience and vice verse. That's not to say that the follower's power is taken away or that they're powerless. After all, the following dancer has an immense amount of responsibility in order for the two to dance successfully. It's a different amount of responsibility. Think Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers.

PM: Is there a sense in which the top "serves" the needs of the bottom and the bottom thus "tops" the master?

FDM: Some relationships can be like that, and consensually so, or non-consensually so. I teach a class called "Beyond Top & Bottom: Dominant Masochist, Submissive Sadist and More", where I talk about some scenes being defined as the person giving out the sensation is doing it for the pleasure of the one receiving it.

If the people involved and their needs are well matched, then they are both serving their own and the other's pleasure. The problem arises when one of the parties takes more than the other is willing to give. That applies to both top and the bottom.

By the way, there's a distinct difference between Top, Sadist, Dominant and Master, as there is between Bottom, Masochist, Submissive and Slave.

PM: You apprenticed as a professional submissive. What did you learn about yourself from that experience?

FDM: I didn't do it for too long. It was sort of my observation period. I used the time to observe how the dominant that taught me interacted with the client. I did learn that professional submission is really hard. It's about artfully topping from the bottom while making it seem like it's someone else's idea. And I also learned that I'm really an awful professional submissive. I didn't like it and I just wanted to get up and show them how to do it. I was just too damned toppy. I sure have a world of respect for women and men who sub professionally.

PM: Did you discover your limits as a submissive? Did you go beyond them?

FDM: Early on in my private exploration I was a bottom and masochist but not a submissive. So in that time, no, I didn't discover my limits as a sub, because I had no pretense of being a submissive. I liked sensation and I wanted to be done just the way I wanted. I had no interest in dominance and submission, just the thrill of sensation between two people. Only later in my evolution did I find a person who earned and deserved my submission and surrender. With them, I most certainly did discover more about myself, the power and strength within myself, the pleasure of serving another, the pleasure of doing so well, the mindful shedding of selfishness…

PM: Is there a therapeutic aspect to BDSM?

FDM: It should never be confused with intentional therapy, but it can certainly be therapeutic. The same can be said about other activities that are physically and emotionally intense, requiring the people to be fully present in the moment with each other and honest to who they are and what their desires are.

PM: Is there a spiritual aspect to BDSM?

FDM: Yes, for many, but not necessarily for all. For some folks it's great fun and kinky sex. That's great! For others it can be a moment when they let down their guard and experience the raw and honest self. Like many other spiritual paths, some seek in SM moments of clarity through an intense experience. For some, it's just good old wholesome kinky sex. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

PM: With sexual addiction at epidemic levels in our culture, do you ever feel that there is a fine line in your work between selling sex to addicts and helping healthy people to liberate their libidos?

FDM: How interesting. Is sexual addiction at an epidemic level? Or is the epidemic actually the over-pathologizing of a biological drive that doesn't neatly fit into complex urban social behavioral codes? Or perhaps it's a crisis created by the media. Sex sells, and so does flaming the fuels of mild hypochondria. Or perhaps there is a semantic error between addiction, compulsion, habit and escapism? These mean very different things. Or did we always have issues and discomforts around sexual needs, whether healthy or not, but perhaps we've just not been able to talk about them? If so, what may seem like an epidemic is rather the product of greater freedoms of recognizing and being able to speak about sexual issues.

When it comes to discussing sexual addiction, I think that deserves a really careful and level headed analysis. Having made that point, you asked if "there is a fine line in your work between selling sex to addicts and helping healthy people to liberate their libidos". People come to my classes and listen to my lectures or engage in fun workshops. Couples come to me for knowledge and skills to practice at home. I write books that people can read and explore with their lovers at home.

Am I selling sex? If I am, I guess so are Dr. Ruth, books like The Joy of Sex, magazines with sex advice columns like Cosmopolitan and Maxim, and the columnists Isadora Alman and Dan Savage. My mission is to provide the best possible resources for thoughtful erotic education for adventurous adults. As part of that mission I also feel free to suggest or point out to people when they are not playing safely for themselves or their partners and whether that lack of safety is in the physical skills or emotional framework. For the thousands of people that I have taught through my seminars, writings and personal skills tutorials, I have encountered a very few people whom I'd suggest that they re-evaluate their need for SM.

PM: What can the vanilla community learn about sex from the fetish/SM community?

FDM: There's a lot that they can learn from the fetish/SM community. Mindful communication about wants, needs and boundaries would be the main thing. Challenging one's own preconceived notions of sexual expression and being honest with one's desires, even when it may not fit into socially preordained behavior. That's another biggie. It's the sexual version of "Question Authority"! (I am a Berkeley gal, after all!)

PM: Tell us about your new book and how you learned the art of Japanese bondage.

FDM: I'm very excited about my book . . . I've been passionately involved in rope bondage since my college days, and Japanese style rope bondage for many years. I had the pleasure of learning from a rope master from Japan. In this book I make the whole topic approachable for the Western reader. Not only does my book cover the step-by-step method with easy to follow illustrations, it covers the history, safety, preparation, and psychology of both the top and the bottom and more. Oh, and I'm absolutely delighted with Craig Morey's sexy and tasteful photos in the book. If you can tie your shoes, you can do all that's in the book on Japanese rope bondage, and have a sexy great time!

PM: What are some of your plans for 2002?

FDM: Oh, there's so much! I am on the road a great deal teaching seminars to groups and coaching and consulting couples and individuals on making their kinky fun hotter! My teaching and book travels will take me from San Francisco to the North East, Mid Atlantic, South East, South, the Mountain states, Midwest, West Coast, and even to the UK and Europe. I go where I'm invited to present and I'm thrilled to report that clubs, groups, shops and universities from all over are having me present. The travel schedule is too complicated, but you can find my detailed calendar in both my company site for Fire Horse Productions and my personal site.