Note to Hetero Males: ‘How to Make Love to a Woman’ Is Not Your Relationship Guide

For those who just can’t get enough of dopey hetero-gender miscommunication flicks, here’s another brainless comedy about a guy who thinks he’s giving his girlfriend everything she needs — only to suddenly realize she’s not satisfied at all. Can he save the day and their relationship? I’ll give you just the one guess.

How to Make Love to a Woman opens with a creative credits sequence that showcases Andy’s (Josh Meyers) torturous job of sifting through mountains of demo CDs to find a few new musical talents. His girlfriend Lauren (Krysten Ritter) volunteers to help him out and the two have tons of fun dancing around to ridiculous music. Their energy is infectious, but the ride doesn’t last long. So to speak.

Andy is so caught up in his role as talent agent for minor up-and-coming musicians that he forgets his first anniversary with Lauren. Disappointed and pouting, Lauren suddenly realizes that Andy may not be the man she has always dreamed of. While Andy thinks his charm has won the day and things are fine in the bedroom, Lauren is pulling the sheets up to her chin and sighing deeply after sex, or pulling a magazine off the shelf rather than cuddling.

Both Lauren and Andy seek advice from trusted friends. Andy takes things a step further when he lets his best friend Layne (Eugene Byrd) talk him into seeking advice in how to turn Lauren on. An LA club full of porn stars and girls willing to demonstrate their techniques on their girlfriends is apparently where one should turn for pointers, so Andy and Layne interview anyone who will talk to them.

After getting an earful of tips from this reliable crowd, Andy finds himself besieged at a family dinner by several generations of relatives with advice of their own. “Since when did everyone in this family become some kind of sex expert?” Andy demands of his mother. “We got cable last month,” she replies.

Just when Andy really thinks he has completely lost Lauren, Jenna Jameson (yes, that Jenna Jameson) walks into his life and gives him some serious advice in what is apparently her first comedic role. Unfortunately for Andy, whenever he is confronted with the opportunity to tell Lauren how he really feels (why are those three little words so hard to say?) he either dissolves into goofiness and just tells her how beautiful she is, or throws a temper tantrum and blames her for their problems. It’s a bit difficult to empathize with Andy, or to like him at all.

Lauren, however, is another story. She does her best to communicate with Andy, although she has trouble putting her finger on their lack of connection in the bedroom. Krysten Ritter is definitely a high point in the movie; her adorable outfits and playful character distract from Josh Meyers’ awkward style and timing. It’s a bit uncomfortable to hear Lauren say time and again that she loves Andy, while he remains mute and focused on bedroom acrobatics. Perhaps Lauren could choose her moment better, but when Andy fails to react time after time, it’s a bit frustrating.

How to Make Love to a Woman is Scott Culver’s directorial debut. He has directed music videos and the resulting soundtrack is a redeeming feature. Andy’s role as a talent agent means he can come and go behind the scenes at live performances, and footage of Saosin and Mayday Parade are part of the movie.

Brief cameos by members of actual bands (Ludo, Yellocard, and hellogoodbye) are amusing, as Andy’s “problem” gets announced and all the males backstage can’t wait to put their two cents in about how he should get back on track with Lauren. No one else will admit to being unable to make their female bedmates happy, but they’re all very free with their advice. Ken Jeong (The Hangover, Knocked Up), James Kyson-Lee (”Heroes”), and James Hong (Blade Runner, Kung Fu Panda) also provide humorous cameos.

Extras include a making-of featurette, interviews with cast and crew members, and missing scenes labeled as outtakes. Not only do some of the musicians featured in the movie talk about the experience of being onset with lines instead of simply lip-syncing for a music video, they embellish some of the relationship advice they gave in the film, for better or worse. The featurette is a good addition, filling in viewers on informative bits of information such as letting us know that the whole film was shot in just over 19 days.

This film might be fun to watch with a few friends of the same gender, but I wouldn’t recommend it for a date night. Definitely don’t look to How to Make Love to a Woman for relationship guidance.