May stop if I flip past it, but I’ll hate myself for it
Good Christian Belles
Good Christian Belles (ABC, drama, midseason)
Originally called Good Christian Bitches. It just doesn’t sound like the same show with “Belles,” now does it? This looks like it might be an attempt to recapture that surprising first season of Desperate Housewives. Still, I can’t help but feel that it’s already pulling its punches before it’s even started.
The Secret Circle (CW, drama, Sept. 15)
Kevin Williamson gives witches the treatment he gave vampires in Vampire Diaries. These shows air back-to-back and are both based on book series by the same author. I give them 10 episodes before the first crossover. Then come the werewolves.
H8R (CW, reality, Sept. 14)
Idiotic celebrities, like Kim Kardashian and Snooki, confront idiotic real people who wrote bad things about them on the internet. It sounds like an excruciatingly painful train wreck. Count me in. At least for one episode. (Maybe I’ll get on the show for calling them “idiots.”)
Gonna have to get damn good reviews
Hart of Dixie (CW, drama, Sept. 26)
Attractive young New York doctor moves to inhospitable Alabama to practice medicine. Finally, the show that will unite red and blue states by confronting stereotypes and challenging biases. Or, more likely, it’s the latest soapy-trashy offering from the guy behind Gossip Girl and The O.C. I did love this idea when Michael J. Fox did it in Doc Hollywood, but hopes are not high for this one.
Scandal (ABC, drama, midseason)
Former White House fixer now runs crisis management firm for elite clients. Mr. Schwarzenegger on line 2.
Revenge (ABC, drama, Sept. 21)
Emily Van Camp is coming to the Hamptons. And she wants revenge. For something bad. I’m not sure I’m willing to wait out a whole season to find out what’s really bugging her.
Stop Me If You’ve Seen This One Before
How to Be a Gentleman (CBS, comedy, Sept. 29)
It’s The Odd Couple redux. Except this time the slovenly one is a personal trainer instead of a sportswriter. With Kevin Dillon, Mary Lynn Rajskub, Dave Foley, and Rhys Darby, this a contender for best cast in the least promising show.
Napoleon Dynamite (Fox, comedy, midseason)
Hey, wasn’t that kid in a movie? Now he’s a cartoon. I’m not sure why either.
Prime Suspect (NBC, drama, Sept. 22)
Why did anyone think remaking this show without Helen Mirren was a good idea? I never even watched the UK version and I’m cringing. Even if Maria Bello is a badass.
Charlie’s Angels (ABC, drama, Sept. 22)
I know that Hawaii Five-0 appears to have worked, at least temporarily. But didn’t anyone notice Bionic Woman and Knight Rider, and all the other failed retreads of decades-old shows? Have a little pride, people.
The Firm (NBC, drama, midseason)
Do we really need a TV show based on the film that’s based on the John Grisham book? No, we don’t.