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No, Thanks: Crime Time Edition



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No, Thanks: Crime Time Edition

Unforgettable (CBS, drama, Sept. 20)
A detective (Poppy Montgomery) has perfect memory that helps solve crimes… except the murder of her sister. Another huge procedural hit for CBS that I won’t ever watch. 


The 2-2 (CBS, drama, midseason)
Rookie cops in NYC. Yeah, whatever. But it’s executive produced by Robert De Niro and stars Patrick Wilson. Despite that pedigree, you know you’re in trouble when the hardnosed training officer is nicknamed “Yoda.” Ugh. 

The Finder (Fox, Drama, midseason)
It’s a spinoff of Bones. If you like that show, enjoy this one too. 

Missing (ABC, drama, midseason)
Liam Neeson called and he wants his plot back. Ashley Judd is a former CIA agent whose son disappears abroad. She’s gonna find him. Haven’t they realized yet that some plotlines only work in movies? You just can’t drag this crap out over 24 episodes (unless you’re Jack Bauer).


Are you serious?


I Hate My Teenage Daughter

The Frame (CW, reality, midseason)
Here’s what the network has to say about its new reality show: “What happens when your whole life is reduced to one Frame? There’s only one rule: if you’re out of the Frame, you’re out of the game.” No idea what this means. Don’t care. 

Re-Modeled (CW, reality, midseason)
And here’s what the CW says about this one: “Modeling industry veteran Paul Fisher is planning to bring together hundreds of small agencies around the world in a new venture called The Network. The Network will give Paul the leverage to change the industry from the inside out. He has two missions: to make sure agents in small towns no longer get screwed, and to empower models to take control of their careers and lead healthier lives.” My first thought is, The Network sounds like a cult. My second reaction: in these tough economic times, the two groups of people who really need a champion are agents and models.


I Hate My Teenage Daughter (Fox, comedy, Nov. 23)
The moms were outcasts in high school and somehow they raised popular daughters. So they hate them. Yeah, that makes sense.

Michael Landweber is the author of the novel, We. His short stories have appeared in a variety of places, including Gargoyle, Fourteen Hills, Fugue, American Literary Review, Barrelhouse and Ardor. He is an Associate Editor at the Potomac Review. Landweber has also worked at The Japan Times and the Associated Press. He lives in Washington, DC with his wife and two children. He can be contacted through his website at

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