The 20 Worst Albums of 2011

Artist: She & Him

Album: A Very She & Him Christmas

Label: Merge

US Release Date: 2011-10-25

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She & Him
A Very She & Him Christmas

A Marketing Director at Hallmark or Disney is kicking himself right now, drowning his sorrows in a mug of mulled cider. This man, for four decades at his company, has been slamming his head against the wall, trying to figure out how to make the ambience surrounding our Christmas holiday even more cloying, more syrupy sweet, more interminably unbearable. For 40 years, he has ironed his shirts, punched his time card, stifled the reflex to flirt with the attractive woman he always sees on the elevator (he is a professional and he is here to work, not to play), ate cottage cheese for lunch instead of a burrito. And what does he have to show for all of this dedication, the long nights, the weekends spent pouring over reports on optimal glitter saturation or ounces-per-square-inch of lead in the tinsel supply? Not A Very She & Him Christmas, an album that single-handedly makes his job obsolete. No, that album was made by people who didn’t even go to Christmas Business School, which is obviously a real school and was recently accredited by whoever accredits holiday-themed MBA programs (probably the President of the United States). Zooey Deschanel, Zooey Deschanel’s Bangs, and M. Ward recorded this album, without even a second thought to how they might be leveling an entire industry in the middle of a recession. They are somewhere laughing right now, cashing their checks, biting the legs off of gingerbread men and watching them squirm. Corey Beasley

She & Him – The Christmas Waltz by MergeRecords

 

Artist: The Human League

Album: Credo

Label: Wall of Sound

US Release Date: 2011-08-23

UK Release Date: 2011-03-21

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The Human League
Credo

In a year when fellow ‘80s contemporaries released critically acclaimed new material (Orchestral Manouevres in the Dark, Duran Duran), it’s hard to find fault with Human League for wanting to hit the studio to record their first album of new material in a decade. Unfortunately, Credo is what came out, an overstuffed collection of underwritten songs presented to the strengths of its production team rather than its artists. If anyone was wondering what Human League would sound like filtered through Auto-Tune, well maybe you think this is a singular work of genius. The rest of the world, however, remained happy to remember the band for what they were. “Privilege” was supposedly one of the album’s tracks meant to directly recall glories of old, in this case “Being Boiled”, the 1978 single that defined the band’s early sound. The comparison falls well flat, unfortunately, as the new song sounds more like Devo if they lacked a sense of humor and songwriting chops. It’s no fun for musicians to settle into becoming a touring greatest hits act; if Human League hope to break that cycle, they’ll have to go back to the drawing board. Crispin Kott

 

Artist: Cage the Elephant

Album: Thank You, Happy Birthday

Label: Jive

US Release Date: 2011-01-11

US Release Date: 2011-03-21

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Cage the Elephant
Thank You, Happy Birthday

Coming in off the wave of Southern alt bands that combine down-home twang with grunge and Britpop influences (see: Kings of Leon, Manchester Orchestra), Cage the Elephant’s problem is that they seem to try to use every last shred of every one of their influences (Nirvana, Oasis, Beck, a little Jack White in there) without adding anything original to the mix. Lead single “Shake Me Down” is just a mid-period Oasis ballad. It doesn’t go anywhere. “Around My Head” sounds like late ’90s VH1 pop rock. Every song sounds like a long-forgotten one-hit wonder, and yet, this Kentucky-bred quintet somehow keeps going despite a complete lack of anything original to play or new to say. Steve Lepore

 

Artist: Beady Eye

Album: Different Gear, Still Speeding

Label: Dangerbird

US Release Date: 2011-03-01

UK Release Date: 2011-02-28

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Beady Eye
Different Gear, Still Speeding

It smacks of hypocrisy to harp on the derivativeness of Different Gear, Still Speeding considering that Beady Eye — essentially the Noel Gallagher-less late-period Oasis plus one — owes its very existence to its previous incarnation’s cannily-deployed, pleasing pastiche. Derivativeness isn’t the problem; Beady Eye’s crime lies not in an expected lack of originality, but in a far less expected lack of verve. With chief songwriter Noel out of the picture, the band isn’t up to writing an entire album’s worth of material, which yields boiler-plate Britpop melodies and a lack of memorable lyrics. The album’s biggest flaw lies in its most expected strength: Liam has never sounded so disconnected to what he’s singing. His ever-present vocal sneer, far thinner-sounding here than on even the most recent Oasis albums, suggests not attitude, but rather that his face just got stuck that way. David Bloom

 

Artist: Wiz Khalifa

Album: Rolling Papers

Label: Atlantic

US Release Date: 2011-03-29

UK Release Date: 2011-03-28

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Wiz Khalifa
Rolling Papers

I like Wiz Khalifa. He’s a good guy and his approach to life is, if not admirable, at least something to be inspired by. His proclivity for smoking weed and drinking champagne is matched only by the tenacity with which he approaches making music, having mostly self-made his career to the point this Atlantic release was made possible. Unfortunately, along with the major label cosign and Amber Rose’s arm, Khalifa seemed to avoid all of the goodwill that his greatest project, Kush & OJ, had garnered him just months prior. In teaming with pop producers like Benny Blanco, StarGate and King, David Khalifa made a conscious split from his well-regarded sound, opting instead for pre-packaged pop jingles and microwaved success. “Black & Yellow” was and is a championship contender, but the rest of Rolling Papers is remarkably bland for a rapper with such distinct ability to rhyme and flow. Nearly every song lacks focus, and appears geared towards a pre-teen and high school freshman audience, which isn’t really appropriate for Wiz Khalifa’s content. While plenty of awful albums are awful simply for being bad, Rolling Papers earned a spot on this list for Khalifa’s disappointing simplification and regression as much as the songs themselves. David Amidon

15 – 11

Artist: Triumph of Lethargy Skinned Alive to Death

Album: Some of Us Are in This Together

Label: Don’t Stop Believin’

US Release Date: 2011-01-18

UK Release Date: 2011-03-07

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Triumph of Lethargy Skinned Alive to Death
Some of Us Are in This Together

Sometimes when an attention-starved child wants to act “intense” or “scary”, he’ll bang on things and get right in your face and scream some meaningless phrase over and over. The proper response is either to ignore the child or, if the behavior continues, to sell the child over the internet. This is a lot like the newest album by Triumph of Lethargy Skinned Alive to Death, not least because their bassist was actually sold over the internet as a child, which causes him to compensate for his psychological wounds by playing way too loud and drowning out his lumbering bandmates. For their next album, he should try harder to drown out the “singer”. Josh Langhoff

 

Artist: Tori Amos

Album: Night of Hunters

Label: Deutsche Grammophon

US Release Date: 2011-09-20

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Tori Amos
Night of Hunters

I think this album really went wrong when information about the entire “mythical” concept was released. Tori indirectly deflects responsibility to Deutsche Grammophon for forcing asking her to create a traditional “song cycle” through a reworking of some great classical pieces. Tori, who has obviously been watching way too much Game of Thrones took that to mean: “create an absurd mythical tale that lazily shrouds the deep personal turmoil you’re experiencing in your marriage.” Moreover, Tori seems to be unaware that her strength rests predominantly in musical composition which underlies her deeply personal lyrics. She is a weak storyteller (but a strong conveyer of emotion), and because Night of Hunters is one big story with all the authentic emotion stripped from it, everything falls flat. So, because the music was pretty much written for her, and she decided to “disguise” everything in this ridiculous metaphorical story, it’s no wonder that Night of Hunters as a concept record has failed. Tori seems to be too wrapped up in her own little world to see what’s right in front of her face. Not to mention that her 10-year-old daughter sings on many of the albums’ tracks, playing the fictional shape-shifting fox character that guided Tori through a world of, ugh… I can’t even write this. Although an admiral feat on Amos’ part to try and interweave a narrative through some stunning pieces of musical brilliance, the album is simply too thick to penetrate and often times too schmaltzy to ignore. Enio Chiola

 

Artist: Foreigner

Album: Feels Like the First Time

Label: Razor & Tie

US Release Date: 2011-09-13

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Foreigner
Feels Like the First Time

There are good ways for a classic rock band to remain relevant long after their glory days have passed. Foreigner’s decided method, to repeat all their old hits over and over again in various, non-subtle re-packagings, seems an obvious choice for how not to keep relevant. The band’s studio output is now secondary to its increasingly large number of greatest hits compilations. Tracks like “Hot Blooded”, “Double Vision”, and “Long, Long Way From Home” have become the bane of either bad rock radio or karaoke. Here, in both acoustic and re-recorded full band settings, their status as worn isn’t changing much at all. While it’s not easy for older bands to put out new LPs and still dazzle (the Rolling Stones’ 2005 misfire A Bigger Bang is a testament to that fact), pretending that the heydays can be played on loop and not wear thin seems to be an experiment the band ought not pursue any further. The fact that this record is also a Wal-Mart exclusive release only speaks to just how doomed this record was from its inception. Brice Ezell

 

Artist: Spank Rock

Album: Everything Is Boring and Everyone Is a Fucking Liar

Label: Bad Blood

US Release Date: 2011-09-27

UK Release Date: 2011-10-03

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Spank Rock
Everything Is Boring and Everyone Is a Fucking Liar

Back in 2006, Philadelphia MC Spank Rock successfully infiltrated the skinny jeans set with the infectious YoYoYoYoYo, an unabashedly dirty album that updated ’80s sex rap for a surprisingly receptive indie rock audience. He’s been largely missing in action ever since. You’d think a dude would take a look at all of the genre-redefining rap albums that have come out over the last five years and want to step-up his game. Alas, the often actively unpleasant Everything Is Boring & Everyone Is a Fucking Liar finds our boy Spank still doing endless key bumps of blow and ranting about woman in a manner that makes 2 Live Crew’s Luther Campbell sound like Al Green. It isn’t a complete wash. While she’s hardly an adequate substitute for the curiously absent, sorely missed Amanda Blank, Santigold’s airy vocals on the insistent “Car Song” give the album it’s one truly memorable hook. Spank is successful when he tackles sociopolitical issues (“Ta Da”, “Turn it Off”) and less so when he talks about his dick (every other song). It’s hard to imagine this music appealing to anyone but 13 year-old boys who still giggle uncontrollably at the word “pussy”. If Spank Rock wants to be a contender, he’s gonna have to come up with something better than “Shake it till my dick turns racist.” Daniel Tebo

 

Artist: Nickelback

Album: Here and Now

Label: Roadrunner

US Release Date: 2011-11-21

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Nickelback
Here and Now

2011 was the year in which we learned that our enemies, painfully, have a sense of humor, too. Dane Cook sent up his image on an episode of Louie, and most recently Nickelback shot a Funny or Die short with Paul Scheer in which they satirized their position as the most hated band on earth, while responding to the thousands-signed petition to keep them performing at the Detroit Lions Thanksgiving half-time show (which failed). While Nickelback must be credited for their polite Canadian-ness and sense of humor (why did the one guy have to be Dave Coulier?), their most recent likely trillion-seller, Here and Now, not only continues the Nickelback tradition of casual sexism and AC/DC-trolling, but adds in an element of phoniness when the band attempts Coldplay-style dance balladry on “When We Stand Together”. There’s no problem with being forthright about offering up what you are, even if it’s terrible, but trying to stretch into something disingenuous and still being terrible? Nuh uh. F— you, Nickelback. Steve Lepore

10 – 6

Artist: Owl City

Album: All Things Bright and Beautiful

Label: Universal Republic

US Release Date: 2011-06-14

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Owl City
All Things Bright and Beautiful

It’s easy to knock Owl City’s Adam Young for his own brand of innocuous feel-good electro-pop, but whereas “Fireflies” was a vaguely charming left-field hit, All Things Bright and Beautiful is the aural equivalent of getting diabetes. Young’s candy-coated laptop rave parties are astonishingly toothless, as over been-there-heard-that synth doodles, he drops too-stupid-for-words non sequiturs like “a barracuda chased our dog days away forever”, before dropping Reagan’s Challenger tragedy speech half-way through the album for dramatic effect (what?). “The silverware swam with the sharks in the sink / even so I don’t know what to think,” he muses on closing track “Plant Life”, and we are inclined to agree with him: what the hell were you thinking, Young? And — more importantly — when are you planning to go away? Evan Sawdey

 

Artist: LMFAO

Album: Sorry for Party Rocking

Label: Interscope

US Release Date: 2011-06-21

UK Release Date: 2011-06-18

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LMFAO
Sorry for Party Rocking

So apparently these two goofballs are a part of some kind of crazy family that owns basically half the record industry? Well, now that explains why these idiots are popular. Devoid of even the tension-building music that might make the Black Eyed Peas seem like a good idea after a few shots, LMFAO just comes off as two lazy, trust fund idiots farting around with synthesizers. Sorry For Party Rocking is not just another terrible album, it’s the terrible album that has made them singles-sales famous in the age of iTunes (neither of their records has even gone gold). The only question that remains: If you’re dumb enough to spend 99 cents on this frivolous, nonsensical blather on iTunes, then what’s stopping you from dropping the $10 for the entire album? Steve Lepore

 

Artist: Red Hot Chili Peppers

Album: I’m with You

Label: Warner Bros.

US Release Date: 2011-08-30

UK Release Date: 2011-08-29

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Red Hot Chili Peppers
I’m with You

Let’s make it clear, once and for all: the problem with I’m With You isn’t the lack of John Frusciante, it’s the presence of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. The vapid, repetitious, soulless—forget it, I’ll just quote Anthony Kiedis: “Tic toc I want to / Rock you like the 80’s / Cock blockin’ isn’t allowed / Tugboat Sheila / Is into memorabilia / Who said three is a crowd / We better get it on the go.” Who the fuck is Tugboat Sheila? Answer: the last entry under “memorabilia” in Kiedis’s well-thumbed rhyming dictionary. The President’s economic team should talk to the Peppers: they’ve produced this same dreck for over two decades now, post-Blood Sugar Sex Magik, all interminably flaccid and willfully stupid, and yet people continue to buy it in droves. The Red Hot Chili Peppers is the most recession-proof entity in existence. Maybe if Ben Bernanke wore a sock on his crotch, he’d have better luck. Or, maybe we should finally stop listening. Corey Beasley

 

Artist: Lady Gaga

Album: Born This Way

Label: Interscope

US Release Date: 2011-03-23

UK Release Date: 2011-03-23

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Lady Gaga
Born This Way

This turkey opens with “Marry the Night” (in which Gaga calls herself a “warrior princess”, presumably with a straight face) and only gets more ridiculous from there. Gaga has little sense of originality and so the regurgitated dance beats from previous chart hits and words from the Island of Misfit Lyrics are hardly a surprise, though they certainly are grating. The Cher retread title song wouldn’t be so offensive if it were, say, used as background music in a shampoo commercial and not passed off as real music, the way that you’ll take free samples of budget pizza at the grocery store but would never actually buy it yourself. The patchwork lyrics and styles are further examples of an artist who tries to be all things to everyone, whether on the torpid, turgid Madonna rip-off “Bloody Mary”, “Highway Unicorn (Road to Love)”, or the plain stupid “Heavy Metal Lover”. All this would be much easier to take if she had named herself Lady Dada as the absurdity, the sheer mindlessness of her music, would be easier to take. Painfully disposable. Jedd Beaudoin

 

Artist: Morbid Angel

Album: Ilud Divinum Insanus

Label: Season of Mist

US Release Date: 2011-06-07

UK Release Date: 2011-06-06

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Morbid Angel
Ilud Divinum Insanus

Marking the return of original frontman David Vincent after a 15-year absence, Illud Divinum Insanus was the first release since 2003 for influential death metal outfit Morbid Angel. Admittedly, expectations were high, but nobody was prepared for the calamitous jumble of fifth-tier industrial metal ramblings and regurgitated, unimaginative riffs that comprised the album. Baleful howls of disapproval from fans and critics alike reflected dissatisfaction with the band’s decision to embark on a new-fangled — and frankly uninspired — journey, but also expressed frustration at Morbid’s decision to include a couple of tantalizingly killer tracks amongst an otherwise appalling muddle. Illud Divinum Insanus was a colossal misstep for Morbid Angel. While the band is clearly entitled to record whatever it chooses, the album was ultimately an affront to the majority of fans and an unsightly revelation of misdirected egos at play. It’s no surprise to find the word ’embarrassment’ used in the bulk of reviews. Chris Hayes

5 – 1

Artist: Limp Bizkit

Album: Gold Cobra

Label: Interscope

US Release Date: 2011-06-28

UK Release Date: 2011-06-27

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Limp Bizkit
Gold Cobra

There are a lot of reasons to wax nostalgic about the 1990s, but nu-metal isn’t one of them. That genre can go away and die, thank you very much. But those bands that so cunningly channeled angry-white-boy sentiment 13 years ago need to pay bills, and incredibly, there are still people gullible enough to lay down money to hear more boring, down-tuned riffs and inane rapping. Limp Bizkit remain the poster boys for nu-metal idiocy, and 42-year-old frontman Fred Durst does his damndest to try to recapture the obnoxious vibe of 1999’s Significant Other and 2000’s asinine Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water. While Durst’s nasally-voiced, egotistical histrionics and the hack riffs of severely overrated guitarist Wes Borland is enough to qualify this thing as one of the worst albums of 2011, the clincher is Gold Cobra’s incredible lack of hooks. No matter how much you disliked Limp Bizkit back in the day, there’s no denying “Nookie” and “Break Stuff” remain insidiously catchy. This album, on the other hand, is a complete waste of time, a desperate attempt at a comeback by a band under the delusion that it’s still relevant. Adrien Begrand

 

Artist: Tyler, The Creator

Album: Goblin

Label: XL

US Release Date: 2011-05-10

UK Release Date: 2011-05-10

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Tyler, The Creator
Goblin

Why are we okay with some offensive works and not others? That’s a bit more ground than I can cover in a blurb, but it’s not exactly shocking that Tyler’s first widely available album fell on the wrong side of the line for a lot of people. The homophobia and misogyny here are indefensible, but they aren’t shocking or bracing in any real way, and they aren’t even enough to make Goblin such a waste of time (I love some works of art that are as reprehensible as this is, and if you think you don’t do too, you’re wrong); its aesthetic sins are nearly as bad as its social ones. Tyler probably shouldn’t have taken the storage limitations of the CD as a challenge; these 73 minutes could be cut in half without missing much of anything at all. There are indications that Tyler has potential, but they’re not on this album. Ian Mathers

 

Artist: Lupe Fiasco

Album: Lasers

Label: Atlantic

US Release Date: 2011-03-08

UK Release Date: 2011-03-07

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Lupe Fiasco
Lasers

It’s Lupe Fiasco’s name on the cover of Lasers, but he must be absolved of much of the responsibility for this abomination as it arrived after a long, draining battle with record label Atlantic that Fiasco himself called “mentally destructive”. Let’s forget that Lupe is, of course, a superb MC. His first two albums Food & Liquor and The Cool were smart slices of spectacle-sporting skate boy rap that launched Fiasco as the artist Atlantic were keen to push to the forefront of pop. But on Lasers, he sounds like a passenger, confused by the chaos all around him. The arrangements are an ugly din; a cheap, plastic wall of noise, as much cut to be forced out of mobile phone speakers as blasted in the club, and for a pop album, almost every hook (many of which are provided by an odd collective that includes MDMA, Skyler Grey and JR Get Money) falls flat or, worse, irritates to the extreme. Funny thing is, in the right circumstances I’m positive Lupe is an artist that could create a grandiose pop masterwork. For now though, it’s hard to see how this one could have gone more awry. Dean Van Nguyen

 

Artist: Chris Brown

Album: F.A.M.E.

Label: Jive

US Release Date: 2011-03-22

UK Release Date: 2011-03-21

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Chris Brown
F.A.M.E.

One of the entertainment industry’s most consistently interesting plotlines is that of the teen sensation’s transition into adulthood. So many have either crashed and burned spectacularly or disappeared from the spotlight that it’s hard to avert your eyes as the evolutionary period begins. Somewhat disappointingly, Chris Brown has found a way to get stuck in between success and bombastic failure, and his music has been struggling uselessly as a result. F.A.M.E. improved slightly on the atomically awful Graffiti, but only by moving away from attempting to garner sympathy for his despicable, abusive relationship with pop queen Rihanna. Musically it’s as garish as ever, an emotionless amalgam of synths, Auto-tune and autosoul that’s designed for world stadium tours in which Brown dancing and feigning sexual acts with random audience members is the attraction. The ballads are laughable as love-declaring soundtracks and the dance tracks as generic as they could possibly come. While peers such as Trey Songz continue to grow and — perhaps most importantly — mature in the songs they choose to sing, Chris Brown appears stuck in his glory days, unable to understand the difference between a seventeen year old singing these songs and a 22-year-old. David Amidon

 

Artist: Lou Reed & Metallica

Album: Lulu

Label: Warner Bros.

US Release Date: 2011-11-01

UK Release Date: 2011-10-31

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Lou Reed & Metallica
Lulu

Lou Reed’s polarizing vortex of white noise, Metal Machine Music was the first point of reference when songs started leaking from this Lou Reed/Metallica hybrid. But where that record was the ultimate Da-Daist statement and the standard bearer for stretching the limits of tolerance, Lulu is just a plain bad idea that prompts little more than a dismissive chuckle. Lulu is no room clearing “F-you”, avant garde excursion, or even some sort of defiant example of artistic integrity. Lou is dead serious here and for over 80 long minutes we get an earful of what’s apparently eating at him. Forgetting that Lou sounds like a cranky old man, the biggest problem is the absurd choice of Metallica as his backing band. Probably the least simpatico pairing of all time. Here’s a band so ham-fisted, bludgeoning and totally lacking in any nuance or subtlety, whatever ole Lou is trying to get across never has a chance. Corralling Metallica leaves a stench of wanting to sell records, but who’s buying? What’s next? Leonard Cohen teams up with System of a Down? Bill See