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Red Riding Hood

Director: Catherine Hardwicke
Cast: Amanda Seyfried, Gary Oldman, Billy Burke, Shiloh Fernandez, Max Irons, Virginia Madsen, Lukas Haas

5


Red Riding Hood


We said it at the time, and we really mean it… what film retrofits a famous fairy tale into a Twilight-esque excuse for young girls to fantasize about having sex with wolves? Even more concerning, why does a hack mistress like Catherine Hardwicke get another shot at staining the cinematic artform? Apparently, the appeal of Stephanie Meyer’s miserable vampire romance cannot be underestimated—either that, or Tinseltown is once again selling the moviegoing public incredibly short. This over the top atrocity, complete with gratuitous Gary Oldman and enough bodice ripping to make a Renaissance Fair go Mostly Madrigal can’t decide if it wants to teach tweens about the joys of self-empowerment or the pleasures of animal carnality. When you figure it out, give us a call. We still won’t care. Bill Gibron


 

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Jack and Jill

Director: Dennis Dugan
Cast: Adam Sandler, Katie Holmes, Al Pacino, Tim Meadows, Nick Swardson

4


Jack and Jill


Jack & Jill is so jaw-droppingly awful that it is almost a surreal experience. Its odiousness is pronounced enough as to cause cognitive dissonance and wield a certain kind of beyond-bad fascination. Adam Sandler provides his laziest ever characterization, in drag, as the titular twin sister Jill: she is shrill, overweight, unhygienic, flatulent, vaguely incestuous, clearly psycho and thoroughly obnoxious. Misogyny aside, there are horrifically unfunny toilet jokes, offensive racial slurs against Mexicans and Indians, and Al Pacino soiling his career even further. The only way the film works is as a cacophonous parade of cheap shocks—and by that measure, Sandler has indeed taken his perverse artform to a whole new distressing level. Andrew Blackie


 

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Just Go With It

Director: Dennis Dugan
Cast: Adam Sandler
Review [14.Feb.2011]

3


Just Go With It


Let’s see what Adam Sandler had been doing surrounding Just Go with It. He played a rich guy with a hot wife in Grown Ups. He played a rich guy with a hot ex-wife in Funny People. Immediately following Just Go with It, he played a rich guy with a hot wife (and his awful twin sister) in Jack and Jill. Sandler’s most interesting comedies arise when he creates a character—either real people with real flaws that drive the action, like Billy Madison, or strange outlandish types like in Little Nicky. Now, he seems content with being the normal, rich dude who puts in the minimum amount of effort to woo whatever young actress is roped in to play his love interest. Just Go with It is the peak of this sort of Sandler laziness. He has to choose between the young paramour he’s been chasing (Brooklyn Decker) and his female best-friend-all-along (Jennifer Aniston). What’s unclear by the end of the movie is what, apart from his successful plastic surgery practice, either of them see in him. Marisa LaScala


 

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Priest

Director: Scott Stewart
Cast: Paul Bettany, Karl Urban, Lily Collins, Cam Gigandet, Maggie Q

2


Priest


As a tentpole, it tanked. As an example of the kind of suspect summer popcorn fare Tinseltown regularly tosses on the movie going populace, it’s par for the course. Still, some held out hope that Priest, a big screen adaptation of a beloved Asia comic book, would live up to its several years in development promise. There has been both anticipation and apprehension about his movie ever since it was first announced. Early on, Andrew Douglas (The Amityville Horror remake) and 300‘s Gerard Butler were attached. Then the current creative team of Scott Stewart and Paul Bettany (responsible of the ridiculously awful Legion) took over, and with the help of a meandering script from first timer Cory Goodman, fashioned this $60 million flop in the making. That’s the issue with many of these so-called Goth Apocalypses. Filmmakers find interesting ideas, twist them up into the standard motion picture pabulum, and then the studios serve it up like the big steaming bowls of bullspit they are. Bill Gibron


 

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Trespass

Director: Joel Schumacher
Cast: Nicolas Cage, Nicole Kidman, Cam Gigandet, Jordana Spiro, Ben Mendelsohn

1


Trespass


It’s too late for Joel Schumacher, as this tawdry home invasion horror proves. A jittery Nicolas Cage and pale-faced Nicole Kidman, both visibly worried about how their careers have sunk to this, play Mr. and Mrs. rich bickering couple. Schumacher scrambles to invigorate his film beyond its desultory premise: there are guns, nail guns, needles and nasty commando knives; salacious plot twists—one of the robbers apparently intends to proposition Kidman while robbing her—and truly unspeakable dialogue. Yet, it’s not scary or thrilling, just another horror movie that insultingly insists that all a divided family needs is a horrific trauma for them to rediscover their love for one another. It’s also one of the most almighty box office turkeys in recent memory, making back only $25,000 of a $35 million budget. Andrew Blackie


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