9 August and Beyond...
Dane Cook, Stacy Keach, Priyanka Chopra, Brad Garrett, Teri Hatcher, Cedric the Entertainer, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Roger Craig Smith, Gabriel Iglesias, John Cleese, Carlos Alazraqui, Val Kilmer, Anthony Edwards, Colin Cowherd, Sinbad, Oliver Kalkofe, Brent Musburger
All you need to know about this film comes from the poster art tag line: “From Above the World of Cars.” For those outside the industry, Pixar’s hugely profitable series about anthropomorphic vehicles is the House of Mouse’s number one seller when it comes to merchandising, so it makes perfect sense to glom onto such success with even more toys for the kiddies to cry for. In this case, Dane Cook (yes, you read that right) voices a competitive little crop duster who dreams of being a real racing plane. Groan, Without Pixar’s input, expect this to be yet another corporate crash grab.
We’re The Millers
Rawson Marshall Thurber
Jason Sudeikis, Jennifer Aniston, Emma Roberts, Will Poulter, Ed Helms, Nick Offerman
We’re the Millers
Okay, many already know this but it bears repeating: Jennifer Aniston is critical kryptonite to us. She could appear in the greatest movie of all time, give a performance worthy of Davis, Hepburn, and Streep combined, and we’d still run shrieking from the theater the first time she appears onscreen. Along with the newest member of the ‘Unreasonable Hatred’ Club, Mary-Louise Parker, we would actually pay NOT to see this. Still, the ex-Friend plays a stripper (she’s 44, right?) who agrees to play wife to a drug mule needing a temporary family to make a trip across the border. Jason Sudeikis is the lead. Pass.
Rob Epstein, Jeffrey Friedman
Amanda Seyfried, Peter Sarsgaard, Sharon Stone, Adam Brody, Juno Temple
We were really interested in this movie, which explains how Linda Lovelace went from relative unknown to porn superstar after appearing in the ‘70s “classic” Deep Throat. We even liked the trailer which had a distinct Star 80 vibe, what with Peter Sarsgaard doing his best abusive suitcase pimp routine. But then we thought about it for a moment and realized that another erotica icon, Ms. Betty Page, was given a less than stellar treatment in the film about her life. Hopefully, documentary directors Rob Epstein and Jeffrey Friedman (who did a great job with Howl, about Allen Ginsberg’s seminal poem) can avoid sensation to discover some truth.
Lindsay Lohan, James Deen, Gus Van Sant, Nolan Gerard Funk, Amanda Brooks
Wow, this is getting BUTCHERED by the critical press. Of course, when you have a director like Paul Schrader (Hardcore, the scripts for The Last Temptation of Christ and Taxi Driver) and a writer like Bret Easton Ellis (American Psycho, Less than Zero), you can assume expectations would be a bit out of whack. But then the filmmaker went to the press, stating that hiring star Lindsay Lohan may have been the biggest mistake of his career, and apparently, he was right. Most have called her performance “dead” while porn star turned legitimate (?) James Deen is no better. All we can say is “OUCH!”
Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Chloë Grace Moretz, Jim Carrey, Donald Faison, Clark Duke, John Leguizamo
We loved the first film in all its politically incorrect, violence and curse-word laden glory. Matthew Vaughn did a bang-up job of delivering the delights that made this entire graphic novel adaptation a cut above the standard superhero fare. Jeff Waldow, a relative nobody with some decent TV and film credits is taking over, and while we can’t say we’re happy about the choice, his cast (including a controversy courting Jim Carrey) looks gangbusters. Of course, the usual first film suspects are back. Joining them now are a new group of masked avengers (Battle Guy? Night Bitch) which promise to make this even more anarchic and fun.