Best in Show 2005

Writers: Chris Bailey, Tim Basham, Jennifer Bendery, Dave Brecheisen, Justin Cober-Lake, Robert Collins, Jennifer Kelly, Jordan Kessler, Megan Milks, Dan Nishimoto, and Adam Williams.

Pristine PR photos and slick production can make any band seem sweet. But live, only the true-blue shine through. And the ego-maniacs? They’re exposed in all their awkward glory. In 2005 our reviewers tore through page after page in their notebooks, catching every glorious note, every skeezy cat-call.

Of course, we also gave a lot of breaks. We omitted certain stories because they were unwieldy, or didn’t seem important at the time. We left out reviews of bands that were simply too awful to address. We bit our tongues, exercising restraint when it came to doling out excessive praise and extreme revulsion. After all, some things take time to set in, and it never pays to be hasty.

But now that we’ve had time to review our notes, those quick scrawls have taken on new meaning. It’s time for some bands to pay the piper while others are given their rightful due. Here then, are our best and worst live moments of 2005, a collection of extreme shows, inspired theatrics, and performances that, for better or worse, made our pens run dry.

Pony Up!

WORST OPENERS
We didn’t go to see them; we didn’t pay to see them; we didn’t have to review them; but, damnit, we had to sit through them. Behold the year’s worst openers.

1. Pony Up! 9 April 2005: Black Cat — Washington, DC
Uh… are Pony Up!’s vapid, overly-simplistic, cheeky-to-a-bore, “hi, we’re girls!” songs supposed to be ironic? Get off the stage: Carrie Brownstein has something to say to you. I think it involves a kick in the ass. (MM)

2. Keren Ann 20 November 2005: Tribeca Performing Arts Center — New York
I can excuse the timid singing, insecure guitar strumming, even the weak wah peddling, but your tool of a sideman is one piece of equipment I cannot forgive. Is he your BF? If so, I hope he is either well-hung or well-paid, because he’s not doing you any favors. (DN)

Morningwood

3. Morningwood 30 September 2005: Pearl Street — Northampton, MA
Opening for the godlike Gang of Four, this glam-trash quartet’s attention-starved front-woman Chantal Claret clearly belongs to the flaunt-it-if-you’ve-got-it school. But the question is, does she have it? After a particularly gruesome back-bending shimmy, Ms. Claret caught my eyes rolling and began to flirt with my husband. Karen O could get away with this, but Chantal… please. (JK)

4. The Cinematics
13 June 2005: London ICA — London These guys are shameless Franz Ferdinand copyists, right down to the gray v-neck sweaters. “What do you think?” asked the press agent, expecting a glowing response. “Awful,” I replied, before I went on using phrases like “not a shred of originality” and “what’s the bloody point.” The agent was less than impressed. (RC)

5. Queensryche 11 June 2005: Mohegan Sun — Uncasville, CT
Queensryche opened for heavyweight metal gods Judas Priest like the lightweight metal sods they are. Geoff Tate and his “Silent Lucidity” brethren sucked back in the ’90s, so how could they suck any less now? Answer: They couldn’t. (AW)

BEST OPENERS
Remember when Van Halen toured as the opening act for Led Zeppelin? How about when the White Stripes opened for Sleater-Kinney? Sometimes it pays to show up on time to a show.

1. The Constantines (opening for The Hold Steady) 28 November 2005: Logan Square Auditorium — Chicago
The whole band had the flu, but that didn’t stop them. Of course it did mean they were pale, shaky, and sweaty, a perfect state of affairs for strained, kick-ass Canadian gutter-rock. (CB)

Giant Drag

2. Mazarin 2 December 2005: Bowery Ballroom — New York
Filling the room with thick streams of psychedelic sound, the band’s jams built to enormous heights. Emerging above waves of crackling guitars, keyboard, and percussion, their singer softly delivered a stream of stunningly sweet, poppy vocals. Hidden behind a ridiculous beard and a downward-facing cap, their lead man always wins the Best Suited for Playing Peek-a-Boo prize. (AP)

3. Giant Drag (opening for Stellastarr*) 5 October 2005: 9:30 Club — Washington, DC
After opening the show with some witty stage banter about subcutaneous emphysema and dying young, the duo launched into a loud set reminiscent of L7 and the Breeders. With song titles like “YFLMD” (a shortened version of: “You Fuck like My Dad”) and “Kevin is Gay,” this band is one the best (if mildly disturbing) surprises of the year. (DB)

4. Black Helicopter (opening for Mission of Burma) 13 January 2005: Iron Horse — Northampton MA
To set up a great night with Mission of Burma, fellow Bostonians Black Helicopter cranked out the hardest-rocking, sludgiest song ever to reference The Wall Street Journal. (JK)

5. Aqui (opening for An Albatross) 16 January 2005: Black Cat — Washington, DC
With stage moves like Ian Curtis and a rocking low-budget stage set (of which a “BEGIN.YES” poster and a red flashing siren are just two elements) these guys lapped all others in the small but important arena of space-alien electro-jam. (MM)

Most “Rawk” Moment / The Anti-Rock

POPMATTERS PICKS: THE BEST MUSIC OF 2005
BEST IN SHOW 2005: Stunning peaks and devastating dips from our year in concerts coverage

Edited by: Andrew Phillips and Peter Joseph

Pages: 1   2   3   4   5

MOST “RAWK” MOMENT
Who says rock is dead? We saw enough real (and faux) posturing this year to last a lifetime.

1. An Albatross 15 April 2005: Ottobar — Baltimore
Head tossing recklessly, the band’s singer backstroked across the audience. Catching a glint of solid steel, he reached over his head, firmly grasping the edges one of the club’s vertical support beams. In one fluid motion his legs flipped above his head, locking around it. Muscles straining, his inverted body scrambled, upside down, to the ceiling. Still hanging, he turned his head and leveled a delirious banshee cry at the audience below. (AP)

The Subways

2. The Subways 27 October 2005: Brookes University — Oxford, England
Multiple and repeated stage dives off a 15-foot high speaker stack by singer/guitarist Billy Lunn. “I can’t imagine a better death than at a gig,” he tells me afterwards in the calmest voice imaginable. Utterly mental. (RC)

3. Motley Crue 3 March 2005: Madison Square Garden — New York
Mid-set, everyone’s favorite drummer stood up behind his kit, proclaimed, “It’s not like you haven’t seen it before!,” and then hiked down his shorts and introduced Lil’ Tommy to the packed Garden party. The display conclusively proved that the Crue’s most famous member does not play an instrument and that Mr. Lee does indeed rawk out with his cock out. (AW)

4. Guitar Wolf 18 March 2005: La Zona Rosa — Austin
In the midst of an unannounced set full of drinking, running, posturing, and more noise than the rest of SXSW put together, Guitar Wolf pulled up a fan to play guitar. The fan promptly went into hero mode, wailing, tapping, and falling down. (JCL)

5. DKT-MC5 29 July 2005: North Six — Brooklyn, NY
The voice of the BellRays, Lisa Kekaula, channeled the spirit of Rob Tyner and blew away the crowd with her rawkin’ renditions of MC5 classics. Bluesy and ballsy, with a commanding stage presence, no singer but Kekaula could have done such an impressive job kicking out the jams. (AW)

THE ANTI-ROCK
Like a plague, that which does not rock rains down upon that which does.

The Killers

1. The Killers 4 February 2005: Cambridge Corn Exchange — Cambridge, England
After a rousing opening number, Brandon Flowers complains that some water and beer has landed on his keyboard and, rather than doing it himself, summons a roadie to wipe it down. As said roadie wipes, the keys are pressed, producing random squawks. “Mute it!” yells Flowers at the engineer. (RC)

2. Austin City Limits 25 September 2005: Austin
Instead of the usual endless crowd, there were large stretches of empty space. Within 30 seconds I understood. As I learned on the evening news later, it was about 108 degrees at the time with a heat index of 115. Like sugar ants gathering around every available sweet spot on a table, thousands of fans were squeezed into ever square inch of available shade. (TB)

3. Ryan Adams 20 May 2005: Electric Factory — Philadelphia
After storming off stage, tanking the last half of his set, storming off a second time, yelling at an audience member, and berating one of the venue’s sound engineers, Ryan Adams played an encore to a half-empty venue with all of the house lights up. After completing the song, he threw his guitar down, spit wine (he was drinking from the bottle) into the microphone and poured the rest out on his guitar. (DB)

4. Raz Mesinai 3 December 2005: Tonic — New York
After a year struggling to raise enough money to keep their lease, Tonic must not have had quite enough left to pay the gas company. My beer bottle actually got colder in the open. But who needs heat when you’re sitting in a near-empty room listening to avant garde musicians pluck piano strings and scrape sticks along pieces of broken glass? Chilling, indeed. (PJ)

5. Tom Vek 15 April 2005: ICA — London
For a man who claims not to be overtly influenced by Talking Heads, TV’s running around the band EXACTLY like David Byrne does in Stop Making Sense is a total giveaway. (RC)

Call and Response / Band Interupted

CALL AND RESPONSE
Hecklers, bless their souls, push performers to say things that no person on stage should ever say out loud. Here we honor the best on both sides of this eternal dance of the foul-mouthed.

1. Ryan Adams & the Cardinals 20 May 2005: Electric Factory — Philadelphia
“It’s not about me, it’s about respect for these people. I’m sorry I don’t understand what the fuck the deal is. You came here to pick up a chick or something? These people want to hear music; I want to do my job. What’s the problem? What is the FUCKING problem? They want to hear a song; I want to play a song. I’m sorry. Go to a fucking bar. Go to a bar and try to get laid. This isn’t a bar, this is a music venue. And you got your bowling shirt on because you’re a fat bastard. And you’re trying to get laid. It’s not going to happen so shut the fuck up.” (DB)

2. Thunderwing 9 September 2005: Subterranean — Chicago
A run-of-the-mill local band in an opening slot, but comedic magic was born when the guitarist, struggling with a backup guitar after a broken string, complained about having a cheap guitar. “There are people in New Orleans with no guitars,” responded someone in the crowd. (CB)

3. Growing 26 February 2005: Apex Art Gallery — New York
The bad part was that the heckling was obnoxious: “You f*g suck!” The worse part was that it was coming from the friend standing next to me. (DN)

Modest Mouse

4. Modest Mouse Webster Hall: 15 September 2004 — New York
After an hour of a drunk dude screaming “Isaac!… Brock!” in a voice like a sick giraffe’s, a stocky frat-guy in front of him politely asked him to stop yelling in his ear. “What are you going do?” the drunk challenged… and then the frat-guy turned around and socked him one. I gotta tell you: sometimes I’m so glad when a band goes mainstream. (PJ)

5. The Mountain Goats 4 April 2005: Catacombs Café — Madison, WI
The inevitable call for “Freebird” led John Darnielle to search for another “overindulgent ’70s song” that people could start requesting in its place. After considering “Ace of Spades” and “Billion Dollar Babies”, he launched into one: “In the day we sweat it out on the streets of a runaway American dream… at night we ride through mansions of glory and SUICIDE MACHINES”. (CB)

BAND INTERUPTED
Music is one of the few professions where you can show up to work drunk, or crazy. It’s also a job where any mistakes you make happen in front of a leering crowd. We tip our hats to these, our favorite distracters, and the distractions that made them great.

The Brian Jonestown Massacre

1. The Brian Jonestown Massacre 23 July 2005: Lollapalooza — Chicago
This category should be called “The Anton Newcombe Award” to begin with. I can only speculate as to the state of his blood chemistry, but Newcombe spent the set shirtless, hurling insults at Dashboard Confessional, who was playing on a stage across the park. Parting shot: “If I ever need birth control, I’ll just use a picture of your band. But as it is, I’ll fucking raise your wolf cubs!” (CB)

2. The Posies 8 October 2005: The Double Door — Chicago
Not quite visibly drunk but surely enjoying himself, Ken Stringfellow finished a hard-rocking set by stripping to his black mesh underwear. Yeesh. (JK)

3. Saul Williams 24 July 2005: Lollapalooza — Chicago
Saul Williams, poet, rapper, and political activist, was right in the middle of “Telegram”, a creed against superficial hip-hop, when his cordless mic cut-out. He fought with it for a minute or two, than found another. The next, unimprovised line: “Perhaps we should not have encouraged them to use cordless microphones, for they have walked too far from the source.” (CB)

4. The Breeders 21 November 25: Blackheath Hall — London
Kelly Deal wasn’t drunk, but she was certainly out of practice. At one point the entire band stood waiting for her to start the song. She was silent and utterly puzzled until she realized she was looking at the wrong number on the set list. (RC)

5. Tiombe Lockhart (singing with Platinum Pied Pipers) 12 April 2005: SOB’s — New York
It wasn’t that she was juiced, but her challenge to meet the right suitor over a bottle of whiskey was positively sexy. Call me, luv. (DN)

Nice Moves / Best Theatrics

NICE MOVES
It’s not length that matters; it’s the riff. The windmill is still in, but these guys do Pete Townshend one better.

1. Cream 25 October 2005: Madison Square Garden — New York
Forget Clapton and Bruce; Ginger Baker stole the second MSG gig with his signature, “Toad”. Hard living should have killed Baker years ago, but this cat proved he’s got a few lives left, and his drumming remains sensational. (AW)

2. Dick Dale 29 May 2005: Iron Horse — Northampton, MA
Starting late, entering from offstage, the unmistakably distorted, double-strummed surf riff silenced the crowd. When Dale appeared, balding and portly, the roar from the audience was almost as loud as the one coming from the lines of jerry-rigged amps onstage. (JK)

Magnolia Electric Co.

3. Magnolia Electric Co. 21 May 2005: Schuba’s — Chicago
After a set of solemn, sullen indie-blues, the band sinks its teeth into the crescendo of “down Texas 71” over and over again. Some people will tell you that rock ‘n’ roll is all leather jackets, long hair, booze, and sneers, but I know it’s really twang, Texas highways, anguish, and, well, booze. (CB)

4. Daniel Bernard Roumain 15 April 2005: IMC Expo, New Museum of Contemporary Art — New York
I fear he’ll be consumed as the violin-playing incarnation of Savion Glover, but listening to Roumain enthrall an audience of Artforum subscribers, Hank Shocklee, and the curious convinced me that he can and should come to your household… soon. (DN)

5. Kid Carpet 29 November 2005: Barfly — London
Half his gear was stolen the previous night, including the Furby that provides the “Me love you. Me happy” sample on “Your Love.” After a brief explanation of our duties, Carpet performed the tune while holding up cue cards for the crowd to shout “Me love you! Me happy!” at the correct moments. That’s riffing off the cuff! (RC)

BEST THEATRICS
GWAR was on to something when they rolled out the man-eating drum. For better or worse, these guys are on to it too.

Motley Crue

1. Motley Crue Just about every show on their 2005 Tour
Streams of pyrotechnics, elevated drum risers, scantily clad bump-n-grind aerialists, evil clown stagehands, and a fire-breathing dwarf, all set against the backdrop of a decrepit Carnival of Sins. So outlandish, so entertaining, so Crue. (AW)

2. Sun O))) 16 December 2005: First Unitarian Church — Philadelphia
Sun O))) submerged a real church sanctuary in fog, then pounded out ominous, gut-wrenching death-drone while wearing sinister black cloaks and white stage makeup. But no amount of fog could hide the church’s enormous Christmas wreath, and its wholesome gold ribbon peeked through throughout the entire evening. (MM)

3. Goblin Cock 15 September 2005: Mercury Lounge: CMJ Artist Showcases — New York
The first sign of an awesome satirical metal band is their satirical road crew. Once the stage is set, five black-robed, hooded figures appear and start to pound their instruments and rumbling, guttural metal sludge fills the room. Man, you think, what could make this show any better? Then, the Grim Reaper comes out of the wings to introduce the band. (PJ)

Man Man

4. Man Man 17 January 2005: The Flywheel — Easthampton, MA
Dozens of percussion instruments — xylophones, toys, bells, and drums — alongside fans and masks and metal birds, a bass drum painted like a Japanese silk-screen, multiple keyboards and five band members all crammed onto the tiniest of stages in a show that is as much theater (or interpretative dance) as music. (JK)

5. L’ACADCO 25-29 May 2005: Brooklyn Academy of Music — New York
“A United Caribbean Dance Force” is how they describe the ensemble and this idea is vividly depicted in their staging and appearance. Not limited to the yellow, black, and green of founder L’Antoinette Stines’ heritage, rich reds and cool blues vibrate against their panoply of Jamaican, Barbadan, Haitian, and Trinidadian dress. Gorgeous to both I and I. (DN)

Worst Dressed / Best Dressed

WORST DRESSED
The only thing worse than letting you mom dress you, is letting your publicist do it. “Fashion faux pas” doesn’t even begin to describe these dandies.

The White Stripes

1. The White Stripes 27 September 2005: Merriweather Post Pavilion — Columbia, MD
Jack White has taken his gonzo-folk aesthetic a little far. When he walked on stage sporting a cape and top hat, I think I heard some members of the audience actually gasp in fright. Hunched over a marimba he looked like a Vaudevillian madman. (DB)

2. Sun Ra Arkestra 30 July 2005: NYC Summer Stage — New York
The Arkestra has always been one fashion degree of separation away from George Clinton and his P-Funksters. But c’mon guys, it’s the middle of the friggin’ summer and Mothership couture is so last season. A+ for pioneering the look; F for practicality and comfort. (AW)

3. Edie Sedgwick 26 January 2005: North Six — Brooklyn, NY
Some might think Edie belongs in the “Best” category. They think a scrawny white guy in an ill-fitting dress is simply fabulous. Well, those people should go back to their Eddie Izzard specials; Justin Moyer has neither the curves nor the chromosomes needed to pull off such glittery numbers. (PJ)

Edie Sedgwick

4. Growing 6 February 2005: Apex Art Gallery — New York Stop giving the “Save The Hoodie” campaign a bad name. The Unabomber look is out, dudes. (DN)

5. Unisex Salon 19 August 2005: Sin-E — New York
Judas Priest gone disco-pretty: that’s Gina Calavera and Kenyon Corazon, the duo that front Unisex Salon. Sure, they’re a hot pair, but most of us know that nobody’s attracted to desperation. And if all you want to do is stare at some semi-attractive hipsters, check out thecobrasnake.com instead. (PJ)

BEST DRESSED
They may not have been Ziggy Stardust, but they certainly weren’t wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Behold this year’s haute couture. Joan Rivers, eat your heart out.

1. Beck 29 November 2005: Sam Boyd Stadium — Las Vegas, Nevada
Beck wore a Boy Scout uniform, and so did everyone else in his band. About 90 percent of the on-stage patter was Scout-related (the other 10 percent was devoted to Justin Timberlake). Various merit badges were distributed. At the end of his set, Beck rolled offstage… in a camping tent. Talk about accessorizing! (JK)

2. Sharon Jones & the Dap Kings 18 November 2005: Iron Horse — Northampton, MA
You wouldn’t look twice at the Dap Kings if you saw them in jeans, but when they take the stage they’re sharp-dressed, zoot-suited men, looking every bit as natty as James Brown’s backing band. Their frontwoman gets points for boogaloo-ing in five-inch-high, silver-toned sandals, ones that I couldn’t even walk across the room in. (JK)

Sunn O)))

3. Sunn O))) 16 December 2005: First Unitarian Church — Philadelphia
Naught but black cloaks, all the more ominous in their simplicity. (MM)

4. Miho Hatori 31 August 2005: Mercury Lounge — New York
Did she make that dress? Light and bright, a perfect accoutrement to her late summer masterpiece, Ecdysis. (DN)

5. xVOYx 26 February 2005: Apex Art Gallery — New York
Singer Texas Tom rocked his seven-year suit (he wore the same tan outfit for seven years) and was doing the Devo Roboto… but it was totally Tom. Reunion in ’06? Please? (DN)