The Halogens: The Resolution EP

Pay no heed to the Halogens. Never mind their music from the start. For what at first appears to be a fresh sounding bit of pop rocks quickly becomes an insufferable listening experience that is merely calculated to bore the pants off your ears. To put it mildly, the Halogens and their Resolution EP is nothing that hasn’t been done before and a mixture of a whole lot of previously explored musical cul de sacs done a million times over by other equitable, faceless groups.

The Halogens hail from Boston. Now I’ve heard a number of very good bands from that area over the past few years, but I’m completely unmoved by these guys. Featuring Jason Dunn on vocals, keyboards and guitar, James Caldwell on drums, Tyler Barefoot on guitars and vocals, and Ryan Peters on bass and vocals, the Halogens concoct a safe as milk sound that isn’t really rocking, isn’t really alternative, and is kind of poppy. The hooks are there, but you’ll have forgotten them as soon as the songs are over.

These guys sound like they’d score righteously as the background music in some sappy teen romantic comedy starring Freddie Prinze Jr. and Julia Stiles. That’s the imagery that kept getting stuck in my head while listening to the six songs on this disc. Mental flashes of good times at the mall, some dude trying to hook up with some girl with some kind of self-esteem problem, afternoons by the pool, weekends at the amusement park, that kind of rubbish. The Halogens might have some rocking ideas, but their execution leaves much to be desired.

At first, it doesn’t seem like that’s going to be the case. The dramatic intro to “Car Crash in the Dream” and its ensuing first verse seems captivating enough, but then the annoying chorus kicks in and makes you forget any promise the band may have shown in the beginning. Not that it matters too much. Like those disposable teen comedies, this music is tailor made for those with five-second attention spans. Don’t worry about feeling any emotional attachment to these songs because the band itself seems disconnected from them as well. They’re going through the motions, but that’s all.

The second song, “Losing Out on Me”, pushes the blandness envelope further. The problem with this song is that every facet of it sounds like it was borrowed from some lesser song from a year not too long ago. It’s decent as background noise, but turn it up and actually pay attention to it and you’ll be ready to turn it down again. The vocals are reminiscent of the kind of whiny emo pop bands that have graced the mid ranges of the Top 40. This one might make a good choice for inclusion in the next Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen flick.

“Full of It” pretty much summarizes the whole enchilada. The rhythm is bouncy, the lyrics mention hip sorts of things and any drama is left at the coat check, waiting for someone else to pick it up. You might tap your toes to it, but you don’t want to take it home to meet mom and dad because it’s just not worthy. This is pop without the pop. It’s the kind of lifeless goo that makes one yearn for Right Said Fred, Lou Bega, or even RuPaul.

Now I’m sure these guys have a good following in Boston, but The Halogen EP isn’t going to win many converts away from the city. It’s one of those discs you put on and seriously ask yourself, “Why am I listening to this? Who will care about this music?” I kept asking myself that while dodging visions Alicia Silverstone and couldn’t come up with any answers. This is easily some of the most vacuous indie pop I have heard in a while, so with that said, I wholeheartedly recommend you spend that cash on a much more deserving disc.