J-Kwon: Hood Hop

J-Kwon
Hood Hop
Arista
2004-04-12

Suppose an alien from Mars was to come down from outer space and ask this music critic if there exists a magic formula that has the power to instantly esteem you in the hearts and minds of hip-hop loving teenagers all over the country and get your video virtually continuous rotation on MTV. What would be my reply? Well, after listening to J-Kwon’s new record Hood Hop out on So So Def/Arista Records, I would have to say, “Why yes, there is such a formula. Start with a ‘We Will Rock You’ stomp-clap beat, add an irresistible electronic hook, and top that off with a layer of rhythmically drawling rhymes all about the virtues of underage drinking courtesy of a fake ID.”

Such surefire elements have catapulted J-Kwon effortlessly into the orbit of chart success with his party anthem, “Tipsy”, proving that the St. Louis rapper knows how to win favor with the kids (You know you’ve heard it — “Eehr buddy in da club getting’ tips-ee”). Perhaps some of the track’s success is due to the fact that the 18-year-old J-Kwon whose given name is Jerrel Jones, is little older than a kid himself, an element that marks his debut album despite numerous blatant attempts to convince his audience of his hard-won maturity. For, though there are many tracks on the record that pay homage to the sacred hip-hop tradition of songs about carefree and youthful partying, there are an equal number of tracks that document the rapper’s short-lived childhood and the numerous struggles that forced him to grow up too quickly. While the inclusion of these details on his record make for an interesting, and incidentally true back-story to the new MTV boy-wonder, J-Kwon is at his best when he’s not trying too hard to brandish his street cred and is just trying to have a good time.

Despite its chart success, Hood Hop is a record that is characterized by its inconsistencies. “Tipsy” provides the centerpiece of the record, and it is referenced constantly throughout the rest of the tracks, perhaps in an attempt to draw listeners’ attention away from the fact that most of the songs on the record are relatively weak, exploiting an exhaustive array of hip-hop clichés in order to stay afloat. Title track “Hood Hop” is a fashioned to be a lesson in “streets 101”, but sadly, its tired beats, whiny rhymes, and repetitive chorus school listeners more in hip-hop mediocrity than ghetto survival skills. “IC IC” fares a little better with some help from fellow St. Louis MC’s St. Lunatics. Although the 1996-era bell sample is lackluster and even a bit annoying, the track makes for a decent bass-heavy jam and features some outrageous rhymes that are so bad that they are almost good: “I beg yo’ pardon, I been pimpin’ since kindeygarten / She had the nicest boobies and reminded me of Dolly Parton.”

The amorous panting on “Show Your Ass” does nothing to invigorate this ultimately forgettable track, but the song is saved from being unbearable by a guest appearance by a silk-throated Eboni Eyes. Hip-hop ballad, “They Ask Me”, generously borrows both musically and thematically from Coolio’s autobiographical epic, “Gangster’s Paradise”. But despite its heartfelt attempt at worldly insight, the song fails to resonate like its predecessor. The chorus however displays the rapper’s faith during adversity and keeps the track afloat singing, “They ask me / Do I believe in God / So I ask them / Did I defeat the Odds?” Overall however, light, and playful tracks like “Underwear” and “You Ain’t Gotta Like Me”, sound more natural coming from this relative novice, providing some much needed respite from the gangster posturing that keeps most of the other tracks from getting off the ground.

Not too long after “Tipsy” began to climb the charts, J-Kwon dubbed himself “Teen President” on MTV. This act proved that if nothing else, J-Kwon knows where his strengths lie. Though he’s relatively new to the game, J-Kwon has already established a reputation for youthful antics. Stories that he mooned Arista record president L.A. Reid and likes to diss So So Def’s head Jermaine Dupri about his height fit the teen-rebel profile perfectly and this anti-establishment attitude will only improve his standing among his teenage constituents. All of this seems to add up to the inevitable conclusion that J-Kwon is here to stay — at least for as long as he can keep on cranking out radio-ready jams. One can only hope that he can keep his next endeavor within the bounds of a single and not pain his fans with the unnecessary padding of an entire record.