As the Near Northwest Side of Chicago's foremost expert on The Cosby Show, I'm asked all sorts of questions by average citizens. "Is it true Rudy went into softcore porn?" "Was there really any point to the whole Pam storyline?" "What was the deal with those sweaters?" While I may not have all the answers (although, for the record, Pam did have one standout episode, when she and her friends tailed Rudy to the teenage dance club to meet rap star JT Freeze), I do my best to keep abreast of current happenings in the world of America's most beloved family. Since the show ended 14 years ago, I've been steadily sharpening my mind with reruns, character studies, and, of course, true Hollywood stories.
It's been fairly easy to keep tabs on most of the actors: Lisa Bonet's still running around being all hot, Tempestt Bledsoe's recovering from her failed talk show, and Bill Cosby himself continues to make waves with his controversial comments on the black community (surely he knows he could end all the problems with a well-placed zzzrbet).
Recently, a new piece of information came to light. Malcolm Jamal-Warner's jazz/funk/spoken word band, Miles Long, is gaining steam and playing shows at some major venues throughout the country. While many might question Theo's sincerity in this venture, it certainly doesn't surprise me. If there's one running theme throughout all eight years of The Cosby Show, it's music. From Cliff's incessant scat routines to the innumerable musical guest stars (did you know a young Alicia Keys played second fiddle to Rudy in the "Slumber Party" episode?), the Huxtable family was always steeped in song, and Theo was no exception to this rule. This project is just a return to his roots, and a step further away from Eddie Griffin. So in honor of Malcolm's bold step, I've decided to put together some of my favorite musical moments from his Cosby years, if not to validate his musical upbringing, then just to fulfill a lifelong dream. Hey, if I can make a mixtape for a girl I've dated for less than three months, The Cosby Show deserves at least this tribute.
Songs for Tori Beckwith: A Cosby Mixtape
1. Intro — Opening Theme Remix
The Cosby Show certainly grew with the times, and nowhere was this adaptability more apparent than in the sitcom's opening theme. From the swirling synths of the first season (in which the entire cast seemed to be part of The Matrix) to the cool sophistication of the later years, the song gained depth while still remaining true to its roots. This track will hopefully give listeners a nice run-down of all the movements, albeit without the perfectly-timed dance moves — a pity, because the end of the tropical-themed opening remains one of the most astounding feats of choreography ever created. "That's the best elevator music I've ever heard." Damn right, Bill.
2. "Night Time Is the Right Time" — Ray Charles
Of all the Huxtable clan's lip-synching performances, this one might be my favorite. It features a star-making turn from the irrepressible Rudy, whose "Baby!" absolved her from any lingering ill-will regarding her earlier run-in with Cliff's new juicer.
3. Untitled Jazz Theme — Art Blakey, Tito Puente, Russell Huxtable et al
Has there ever been a cooler grandfather than Russell Huxtable? Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that, in reality, Earle Hyman was only 10 years older than his onscreen son, but the spry, suave elder of the family sure knew how to swing. Backed by some of the most accomplished members of the jazz pantheon, Russell submits a spirited solo in this extended jam. If you listen closely, you can almost hear Vanessa's ill-timed handclaps.
4. "I Just Called to Say I Love You" — Stevie Wonder and Clair Huxtable
Part of the infamous meeting between the two legendary crooners, this rousing duet succeeds despite the schmaltz. But perhaps the hidden gem of this track is its addendum, a snippet from the now-classic remix of Huxtable voices, all recorded on Wonder's technologically wondrous keyboard. As Theo says, this song is "J-j-j-jammin' on the one".
5. Reggae Interlude
This is for those times when you just feel like chilling out with the newspaper after working a 36-hour shift and you find your teenaged daughter sitting on the couch with her latest flame. The kids eat your food, take your money, steal your clothes, and won't leave you the hell alone when you most need a little peace and quiet. It's times like this when all you can do is flip on the TV, turn up the reggae, and say "Eh Mon". Lord have mercy!
6. "This Is Your Life" — Theo and Cockroach
Before Mos Def and Talib Kweli, there was Theo and Cockroach. This socially conscious rap is full of good advice (unlike the first version, which was more of a fun-loving, party-themed piece). Performed live sans beats, it's a cautionary tale, ending with the chilling admonition to do something with your life, "before you end up on the street".
7. "I Got the Feeling" — James Brown
One more for the Huxtable grandparents. Theo gets the nod in this classic funk tribute, and it's clear he spent hours in front of the mirror mimicking the Godfather of Soul's moves. Cliff does an admirable Maceo Parker impression, but of course, Rudy threatens to steal the show again with the only word she seems to know, this time repeated thrice.
8. "All Good Things Will Be Added Unto You" — Shelton Becton (as sung by Clair Hanks)
As everyone knows, Cliff and Clair are Hillman College's most prominent alumni, and so have earned the right for a special place in every ceremony at the school. So when the longtime president stepped down, making way for his tremulous replacement, Clair was right there to wish him well with this gospel hymn. What a gal. She speaks perfect Spanish, saves school playgrounds, and has the voice of an angel. I bet Ahmad Rashad is still kicking himself.
9. "The Locomotion" — The Lipsticks
Vanessa's singing group's career was short (though not as short as the skimpy leotards the members attempted to wear), but this rendition of the Little Eva hit will remain in my mind forever. Along with fast-talking Janet and Kara, the always scheming Vanessa had herself a bona fide dance hit, with an emphasis on the dancing. Singing lessons didn't seem to help, but in the end, the girls learned a valuable lesson: Nothing good ever comes of Lycra.
10. "How Blue Can You Get" — B.B. King (credited as Riley Jackson) feat. Bud
Though perhaps not the most infamous blues-related moment in the series ("Justine, Justine!" may take that prize), this song earns a spot here because, well, I've always had a soft spot for Kenny. Marginalized by Rudy, pushed around by Stanley, and misinformed by his bathrobe-wearing older brother, "Bud" just couldn't win. For this reason, it seems all the more authentic when he growls to no one in particular, "I gave you seven children, and now you wanna give 'em back!"
11. "A Night in Tunisia" — Charlie Parker
The subject of an intense bidding war between Cliff, Clair, and neighbor Jim Harmon, this record cost far too much ($450) not to be included here.
12. "I'm a Woman" — Koko Taylor
Oh, Raven-Symone. Why couldn't you have stayed five forever? I guess "Wang Dang Doodle" was a little too racy for this final anniversary lip-synch, but I still say it would've worked.
13. Sondra's Breakup Song
The whole family was in trouble when Elvin and Sondra broke up, mostly since they were subjected to this mournful tune: "The flowers have died, there is no morning dew, the crickets know no love songs, and I feel so blue." It's unfortunate that this collection has to end on such a sour note, but in a way, it's perfect. Just as Sondra believed that her relationship with Elvin was dead, so, too, do legions of Cosby fans fear that the show has left their lives forever. But just like Elvin returned, so, too, can Bill and co. reenter our hearts. And no, I'm not talking about that fake "Cosby" show that made an appearance in the early part of this century. That definitely never happened.
Of course, I know this collection would do much greater good if people could actually hear it, but I don't have a distributor yet, or, more importantly, the rights to many of the songs. Gordon Gartrelle, if you see this, please get in touch.
