Rabble Without a Cause

Let’s Spice-up the 2008 Election, Iron Chef-Style

[22.Jul.08] :. Chefs quickly manage a range of dishes, their staff swiftly execute, and the result must be excellent. Let's put McCain and Obama in aprons to see how they might really work.

Fixing What’s Wrong with the Bill of Rights

[12.Jun.08] :. So that no future US president skips over the fine, excessively wordy print, I recommend we update the Bill of Rights so it sounds a bit more, shall we say, awesome.

Vote for the Prettiest

[8.May.08] :. US presidential elections are suspiciously like high school popularity contests, er, elections -- it's not who you know, it's who knows you.

Kill the One with the Ball, or How I learned to Love Capitalism

[8.Apr.08] :. For many of us, preparation for real life happened not in the classroom, but on the playground at recess. There's a lot to be learned about Capitalism from the bottom of a schoolyard pig-pile.

Get on the Bus: A Tutorial for the US Presidential Candidates

[10.Mar.08] :. While it may be noisy, cramped, and crowded with voices that sound nothing like the candidates', every bus is a microcosm America -- and a perfect place to really meet "the people".

Say It Ain’t So, Senator

[11.Feb.08] :. Concerned that steroids will ruin baseball? Perhaps there's a greater threat to the game: Congress.

The Mean Streets of Public Television

[14.Jan.08] :. Oscar the Grouch and Miss Piggy roll up their sleeves for this latest battle in the culture wars: the controversial lyrics of "Elmo's Song".

Hypocrisy: It’s What’s for Dinner

[12.Dec.07] :. Why does the pardoning of a turkey warrant extensive media coverage in the US, while Presidential pardons of humans are a page seven story, at best?

Splitting Hairs with the US Government

[12.Nov.07] :. How many citizens must be victimized by a $400 haircut before a Presidential candidate offers up a Universal Hair Care program?

Stick It to ‘Em: The Art of Political Cartoons

[18.Oct.07] :. As the adage goes, no matter who you vote for, the government wins; each party offers ample fodder for both poignant exception to policies and amusing examination of principles.

Mass-Debating: A Better Method

[17.Sep.07] :. A Presidential Spelling Bee is the perfect forum for a pre-primary debate. Which candidate can overcome a grueling series of 11-letter words and be crowned the champion, and which will insist there are two 'u's in nuclear?

Barbeque: The New Environmental Battleground

[20.Aug.07] :. Bart Simpson urges, “Don’t have a cow!” As the climate warms, I beg to differ.

Make Love, Not War? Why Not Have It Both Ways?

[17.Jul.07] :. Dropping a "gay bomb" on enemy soldiers might prove to distract them, yes, but these incapacitants, though no less harsh, will make the enemy forget what they were ever fighting for.

Smokey and the Bandit

[11.Jun.07] :. To borrow a buzz phrase from earlier this decade, if the President stops dancing the malaria dance, the terrorists will win.

Navigating America with the Help of Don Imus

[14.May.07] :. OpStar: part talk radio / part OnStar vehicle guidance system for those who are easily confused by the squiggly red and blue lines on paper maps.

Seeking: President. Must love balanced budgets, cats.

[23.Apr.07] :. It's time the US graduated from the Electoral College and took advantage of the latest election technology: eHarmony's patented Compatibility Matching System.

The Proof is in the Progeny

[19.Mar.07] :. Each child named with a presidential surname is in fact a living memorial to that president. So if we count these living memorials, we'll know who the best US presidents really were.

But I Wanted the Catfish!

[19.Feb.07] :. No industry in America so readily -- even eagerly -- treats conjecture with the same value as fact as political commentary.