Bill Reagan

About Bill Reagan

William Reagan is a freelance advertising copywriter specializing in compressing large concepts into short sentences. He enjoys observing the American political system in the same way voyeurs stare at car wrecks on the side of the highway, less concerned with who was involved than with the particulars of how it happened. (It’s best not to drive behind him during an election year.) He squirrels away his literary acorns at WilliamReagan.com.

Columns

Table Space: The Final Frontier

By Bill Reagan

The impressive part of 2001: A Space Odyssey isn’t what they have in the future, it’s what they don’t have: clutter. [9 November 2009]

(more Rabble Without a Cause)

Deconstructing the Clap

By Bill Reagan

Rock music is the only art form that invites amateurs to perform along with the professionals – like an oversize version of Kumbaya -- and with predictable results. [14 September 2009]

(more Rabble Without a Cause)

Bailing Out the Bailout

By Bill Reagan

To help pay back the debt, we may need President Obama to wear an actual UPS uniform for the “delivery” of his next State of the Union speech. [9 March 2009]

(more Rabble Without a Cause)

Shirt Happens

By Bill Reagan

Are CNN journalists writing news headlines these days, or t-shirt slogans? [8 February 2009]

(more Rabble Without a Cause)

One Last Legacy for Bush

By Bill Reagan

With George W. Bush eager for a way to salvage his legacy, perhaps we can throw him a bone in the name of Homeland Security. [19 November 2008]

(more Rabble Without a Cause)

The Manitobian Candidate

By Bill Reagan

Have shadowy forces spent years preparing a puppet candidate who will support their causes? Yes -- and you’ll be surprised who’s pulling the strings. [10 October 2008]

(more Rabble Without a Cause)

I’ll Swap You Two Wydens for a Biden

By Bill Reagan

Getting America’s youth to pay attention to politics doesn’t require a change in message, but a change in messenger -- baseball card style. [12 September 2008]

(more Rabble Without a Cause)

Hope, Fear and Marketing

By Bill Reagan

It’s more than mere semantics that one US presidential candidate has taken “hope” as his own concept. Is “fear” showing signs of fatigue as effective voter motivation? [26 August 2008]

(more Rabble Without a Cause)

Let’s Spice-up the 2008 Election, Iron Chef-Style

By Bill Reagan

Chefs quickly manage a range of dishes, their staff swiftly execute, and the result must be excellent. Let's put McCain and Obama in aprons to see how they might really work. [22 July 2008]

(more Rabble Without a Cause)

Fixing What’s Wrong with the Bill of Rights

By Bill Reagan

So that no future US president skips over the fine, excessively wordy print, I recommend we update the Bill of Rights so it sounds a bit more, shall we say, awesome. [12 June 2008]

(more Rabble Without a Cause)

Vote for the Prettiest

By Bill Reagan

US presidential elections are suspiciously like high school popularity contests, er, elections -- it's not who you know, it's who knows you. [8 May 2008]

(more Rabble Without a Cause)

Kill the One with the Ball, or How I learned to Love Capitalism

By Bill Reagan

For many of us, preparation for real life happened not in the classroom, but on the playground at recess. There's a lot to be learned about Capitalism from the bottom of a schoolyard pig-pile. [8 April 2008]

(more Rabble Without a Cause)

Get on the Bus: A Tutorial for the US Presidential Candidates

By Bill Reagan

While it may be noisy, cramped, and crowded with voices that sound nothing like the candidates', every bus is a microcosm America -- and a perfect place to really meet "the people". [10 March 2008]

(more Rabble Without a Cause)

Say It Ain’t So, Senator

By Bill Reagan

Concerned that steroids will ruin baseball? Perhaps there's a greater threat to the game: Congress. [11 February 2008]

(more Rabble Without a Cause)

The Mean Streets of Public Television

By Bill Reagan

Oscar the Grouch and Miss Piggy roll up their sleeves for this latest battle in the culture wars: the controversial lyrics of "Elmo's Song". [14 January 2008]

(more Rabble Without a Cause)

Hypocrisy: It’s What’s for Dinner

By Bill Reagan

Why does the pardoning of a turkey warrant extensive media coverage in the US, while Presidential pardons of humans are a page seven story, at best? [12 December 2007]

(more Rabble Without a Cause)

Splitting Hairs with the US Government

By Bill Reagan

How many citizens must be victimized by a $400 haircut before a Presidential candidate offers up a Universal Hair Care program? [12 November 2007]

(more Rabble Without a Cause)

Stick It to ‘Em: The Art of Political Cartoons

By Bill Reagan

As the adage goes, no matter who you vote for, the government wins; each party offers ample fodder for both poignant exception to policies and amusing examination of principles. [18 October 2007]

(more Rabble Without a Cause)

Mass-Debating: A Better Method

By Bill Reagan

A Presidential Spelling Bee is the perfect forum for a pre-primary debate. Which candidate can overcome a grueling series of 11-letter words and be crowned the champion, and which will insist there are two 'u's in nuclear? [17 September 2007]

(more Rabble Without a Cause)

Barbeque: The New Environmental Battleground

By Bill Reagan

Bart Simpson urges, “Don’t have a cow!” As the climate warms, I beg to differ. [20 August 2007]

(more Rabble Without a Cause)

Make Love, Not War? Why Not Have It Both Ways?

By Bill Reagan

Dropping a "gay bomb" on enemy soldiers might prove to distract them, yes, but these incapacitants, though no less harsh, will make the enemy forget what they were ever fighting for. [17 July 2007]

(more Rabble Without a Cause)

Smokey and the Bandit

By Bill Reagan

To borrow a buzz phrase from earlier this decade, if the President stops dancing the malaria dance, the terrorists will win. [11 June 2007]

(more Rabble Without a Cause)

Navigating America with the Help of Don Imus

By Bill Reagan

OpStar: part talk radio / part OnStar vehicle guidance system for those who are easily confused by the squiggly red and blue lines on paper maps. [14 May 2007]

(more Rabble Without a Cause)

Seeking: President. Must love balanced budgets, cats.

By Bill Reagan

It's time the US graduated from the Electoral College and took advantage of the latest election technology: eHarmony's patented Compatibility Matching System. [23 April 2007]

(more Rabble Without a Cause)

The Proof is in the Progeny

By Bill Reagan

Each child named with a presidential surname is in fact a living memorial to that president. So if we count these living memorials, we'll know who the best US presidents really were. [19 March 2007]

(more Rabble Without a Cause)

But I Wanted the Catfish!

By Bill Reagan

No industry in America so readily -- even eagerly -- treats conjecture with the same value as fact as political commentary. [19 February 2007]

(more Rabble Without a Cause)

Reviews

The Routledge Dictionary of Modern American Slang and Unconventional English

By Bill Reagan

"Slang is the language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes to work," says Carol Sandburg. [19 July 2009]

Grammar Girl’s Quick and Dirty Tips for Better Writing

By Bill Reagan

Mignon Fogarty, a.k.a. Grammar Girl, is my favorite evidence of the resurgence in syntactical attentiveness. [6 January 2009]

The Little Giant Encyclopedia of Superstitions by The Diagram Group

By Bill Reagan

Science is great, more power to it, but superstitions are fun, the little bits of weird poetry scribbled into the margins of the Algebra book. [15 December 2008]

Semantricks & The Daily Candy Lexicon

By Bill Reagan

Since, like Shakespeare, we ignore the bulk of available words, a few amusing new bon mots isn’t going to clutter the word soup any further. They will certainly help to spice it up, though. [19 September 2008]

Confessions of a Falling Woman by Debra Dean

By Bill Reagan

Dean clearly loves to craft sentences, and she does it very well -- her writing is painterly, little details accentuated to draw the reader into the story. [26 June 2008]