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ShareI knew I was in trouble with my summer-song literacy when I realized my current favorite is “Crazy in Love” by Beyonce, which dates all the way back to 2003.
Counting in dog years, I’m doing just fine. But summer songs are meant to be savored annually. And the only up-to-the-minute tune I’m really familiar with is the one by the Frosty Posse from the Wendy’s commercial — a realization that hit home after I read an Entertainment Weekly blog item about its “Ooh, baby, do you want to get Frosty with me?” boy-band insouciance.
It’s depressing when your knowledge of what’s musically relevant is this limited, so I made an effort to update my repertoire by watching videos of some top hits on Billboard’s Hot 100 chart. Here’s what I encountered:
“Boom Boom Pow” (The Black Eyed Peas). Like they used to say on “American Bandstand,” it’s got a good beat and is easy to dance to. On second thought, better change that to a hypnotically pulsating rhythm. If I were a major ad agency, I’d put this track on my commercials and sell a million units of whatever. But I feel intimidated by Fergie, who’s like a futuristic goddess of glamour. “I’m so 3008,” she sings, “and you’re so 2000 and late.” Tell me about it.
“LoveGame” (Lady Gaga). Lady Gaga frightens me and so do her constant references to a disco stick. I know I’m supposed to admire her Madonna-esque flair for creating a dominating persona, but I find her annoying. Yeah, yeah, this beat is sick, we get it. It reminds me of the “Deep House Dish” skit from “Saturday Night Live” where Eva Longoria Parker sang about eating a bad fish sandwich.
“I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho)” (Pitbull). There’s a lot of counting from one to four (in two languages), a lot of girls in bikinis, a lot of waving of the Brazilian flag. But the repetition won me over as the rapper kept insisting, “I know you want me/ You know I want’cha.” Uh, Pitbull, I didn’t necessarily want’cha to embed this song in my brain permanently, but it’s probably too late.
“Knock You Down” (Keri Hilson feat. Kanye West and Ne-Yo). The lovely Keri Hilson is accompanied by Kanye West and Ne-Yo in this heartfelt take on the complexities of sorting out romantic feelings. Some lines have a sweet retro vibe, like when Hilson notes, “I never thought I’d be in love like this.” But then you’re time-warped back to the new millennium by Ne-Yo singing how he “used to be commander in chief of my pimp ship, flying high/ til I met this pretty little missile that shot me out the sky.”
All of these songs have their merits, but I don’t feel a strong connection to any of them in particular. A summer song can’t become yours by logic. It has to strike a chord deep inside, even if it’s on a silly level. Come on, everybody, and sing along: “Coffee Toffee Twisted Frosty.”
