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Right now, there are only three kinds of movie fans in the world.
First, there are the normal people who just live their lives. They go to school, work hard at a job, raise their families, shop for food, jog in the morning, drive their kids to soccer practice, play slow-pitch softball, pick up the dry cleaning, hang out with friends, visit relatives, attend concerts, eat fast food, get their car serviced, watch TV, read the newspaper, surf the Internet, putter in the garden and, occasionally, go to the movies.
And, when these normal people go to the movies, they select a movie that they saw advertised on television, or perhaps was recommended by a friend. They might have read the book upon which the movie was based, seen a billboard promoting the movie or had their curiosity piqued by a trailer the last time they went to a movie theater.
The second kind of movie fan is obsessed with “The Twilight Saga: New Moon.”
These fanatics have been counting the minutes until the sequel opens on Nov. 20. It’s all they can think about. They have been thinking about nothing else since last year when they saw the original movie.
Here’s a typical meeting with a “Twilight” fan.
Them: “Have you seen ‘New Moon’?”
Me: “No.”
Them: “Why not?”
Me: “Because they haven’t shown it to me yet.”
Them: “When are they going to show it to you?”
Me: “I don’t know.”
Them: “Do you think you’ll like it?”
Me: “How would I know that?”
Them: “Did you like the first one?
Me: “Yes I did.”
Them: “Do you love Edward?”
Me: “I’m fond of him.”
Them: “Do you think you’ll see it soon?”
Me: “I don’t know.”
Them: “Have you seen ‘New Moon’ yet?”
Me: “Agggghhhhhhh.”
In case you are among the first group I described — the normal people — allow me to explain the “Twilight” phenomenon. Based on author Stephenie Meyer’s series of vampire novels, “Twilight” is your basic story of teen lust, with a twist. You have a relatively normal girl named Bella (and I use “normal” in the loosest of translations), who moves to a new town and immediately falls in love with this hot guy named Edward, who happens to suck blood for a living. He comes from a whole family of bloodsuckers, but they’re good bloodsuckers in that they’re vegetarians. I don’t make this stuff up.
Made for a modest $37 million, the first film grossed more than $350 million worldwide. Studio executives tasted a bit of blood themselves, and ordered a sequel. In fact, a second sequel is already in the works. Hollywood is run by vampires.
The new movie returns with a devastated Bella (after Edward rejected her for her own good since he has to fight impulses to kill her), but adds a new love interest named Jacob, who is not a vampire but still is not the kind of boy you hope your daughter will bring home to meet the family.
Jacob has body hair issues, and is considered a bit of a wolf. As in werewolf, folks.
In the coming weeks, you will hear a great deal about “The Twilight Saga: New Moon.” You will hear little else because the “Twilight” sequel will be the focus of the entertainment media.
And then, as soon as it opens, there will be a new focus.
That’s where the third kind of movie fan enters the picture.
On Dec. 18, director James Cameron’s long-awaited, $200 million 3-D science-fiction flick “Avatar” opens.
“Avatar” is to young men what “Twilight” is to young women.
Set in the 22nd century, it is the story of a paralyzed Marine who travels to a distant moon populated by a gentle race of beings who become not-so-gentle as humans start encroaching on their land. The Marine, now inhabiting the body of a 10-foot-tall blue avatar, is torn between his fellow humans and the indigenous humanoids he has learned to love.
At the most recent Comic-Con gathering in San Diego, Cameron showed 25 minutes of his film to a hyperventilating audience.
Since that tease, I have had to suffer through the following conversation more times than I care to count.
Them: “Have you seen ‘Avatar’?
Me: “No.”
Them: “Why not?”
Me: “Because they haven’t shown it to me yet.”
Them: “When are they going to show it to you?”
Me: “I don’t know.”
Them: “Were you at Comic-Con?’
Me: “No.”
Them: “Why not?”
Me: “I have a life.”
Them: “Why?”
Me: “It’s a choice.”
Them: “Do you think you’ll like it?”
Me: “How would I know that?”
Them: “Do you like James Cameron movies?”
Me: “Many of them.”
Them: “Do you think you’ll see it soon?”
Me: “I don’t know.”
Them: “Have you seen ‘Avatar’ yet?”
Me: “Agggghhhhhhh.”
And so ends my fall movie preview.
