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“Survivor: Cook Islands” wants to be the most diverse show on television, but it’s not even the most diverse show on CBS. Sure, “Survivor” has scandalously divided its tribes into blacks, whites, Asians and Latinos. But where is the homophobic Italian dad and his gay daughter? Or the recovering drug addicts turned male models? Or my personal favorites, the coal miner and his wife, who have never been outside of Kentucky?
All of this effortless diversity is scampering around Beijing—the first pit stop required teams to, not kidding, scale the Great Wall of China—on the new season of “The Amazing Race.” Jeff Probst, you can take your “social experiment” and shove it! Phil Keoghan rules!
The 10th edition of the Emmy-winning “Race” premiered in its cushy new time-slot of 8 p.m. Sunday (CBS, all times ET). The race itself started on a cold, rainy Memorial Day weekend at Gas Works Park in Seattle. I was there for what was probably the least glamorous television show taping ever. It was 7 a.m., I forgot to wear gloves, and I wasn’t allowed to talk to any of the teams. And so I stood at the bottom of the slippery hill, near all the backpacks, and made bets with the production staff on who would fall and how many teams would trip over them. (No one fell, not even the woman with the prosthetic leg.)
“I like Seattle so much, maybe because I’m from Holland,” said executive producer and co-creator Bertram Van Munster, who seemed utterly unperturbed by the weather as he stood in a plastic poncho atop Gas Works Park. “I miss the rain.”
I’m pleased to report that not only did the teams enjoy a very wet welcome to our fair city, but they also got stuck in really bad I-5 traffic. Team Kentucky impressively managed to detour to Highway 99, while the Muslim team started praying to Allah. Nothing against your religion, but when it comes to Seattle traffic, I honestly don’t think that’s going to help.
Meantime, the Korean brothers quickly established themselves as the most annoying team ever by greeting the others with squirt guns at the airport. The toy guns were quickly confiscated by airport security. Umm, yeah ... those guys went to Harvard.
As always, there is a Team Pink and a Team Frat Boy, only this time we shall call them Team Miss America and Team Zoolander. As a special bonus, we get a Team Cheerleader this season as well. Cartwheels! Three cheers for Phil, his raised eyebrow and his collection of turtlenecks.
And now here are your amazingly racy recaps:
“Survivor: Cook Islands”
I’m not gonna say that the Asians are the smartest, but Team Puka rocked those puzzles. I, on the other hand, can’t do crosswords and still don’t know what “Sudoku” means. Jeff Probst attempts to stir up some drama between Team Asia and Team Caucasia by noting that the white guy stole the Asian guy’s chicken. Said white guy is later sent to Exile Island by the black guys, who offer the explanation that “karma is a bizzle.” Kum Bizzle Yah. (8 p.m. Thursdays, CBS)
“Dancing with the Stars”
Frontrunner Mario Lopez has been outed in the New York Post for being a dancing fool. The former “Saved By the Bell” star, who was famously dumped by Ali “Doritos Girl” Landry for (allegedly) being a cheating bastard, claims he has had no formal dance training, but sources tell Page Six that he has been training since he was 5 years old. Somewhere, Ali Landry is screaming, “LIAR!” (8 p.m. Tuesdays and Wednesdays, ABC)
“Celebrity Duets”
Alfonso Ribeiro, or as I like to call him, “Carlton,” loses his voice. Fox, being Fox, treats this with all the gravity of a crime-scene reenactment. Carlton: “I went back to my room and it was like, ow. My throat hurts.” Voice-over: “He may have pushed himself too far.” Carlton: “My biggest fear is not having a voice. Not being able to sing.” Curiously, this was the exact opposite of America’s greatest fear when Jessica Simpson lost her voice last week. (9 p.m. Thursdays and Fridays, FOX)
“Project Runway”
Angela and Vincent return for a “second-chance” challenge, and I almost could not bear to watch. I will console myself with my new favorite Tim Gunn catchphrase: Don’t. Bore. NINA!!! (10 p.m. Wednesdays, Bravo)
“The Girls Next Door”
Hef takes the girls to London to meet the queen, who greets them by singing, “How come every time you come around my London, London bridge wanna go down?” Just kidding. Kendra laments her inability to get in with the Royal Family so she can meet Prince William. “I don’t understand why the queen wouldn’t want to meet Hef. I mean, they’re both 80.” (10 p.m. Sundays, E!)
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TV Addict is a weekly roundup of television news and gossip, along with recaps of a constantly shifting lineup of (mostly) reality TV shows by Pamela Sitt, pop culture writer for The Seattle Times. Contact Sitt at psitt(AT)seattletimes.com.
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© 2006, The Seattle Times. Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.
