Media Center

WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS
Scheduled release date: May 9

Oh, if only the saying were true.

But you know what really should have stayed in Vegas? Cameron Diaz’s and Ashton Kutcher’s performances in this hammy, showy, circus-freak-act of a flick, that’s what.

What Happens in Vegas is a cautionary tale about two people who wake up to a helluva hangover when they realize they got hitched during a night of wild partying.

How very Britney Spears of them.

Then, just as the unhappily hitched couple is talking annulment, one of them wins a huge jackpot with - wait for it, wait for it - the other’s quarter.

So now they need a high-powered divorce attorney, marital counseling or, because this is a stupid comedy, both.

Queen Latifah and Dennis Miller show up to mug for the camera; Diaz turns on her weird, shrieky, herky-jerky schtick; Kutcher acts dumb and makes us all question Demi Moore’s judgment, and for every second I continue to watch this trailer, I die just a little bit inside.

Rating: Zero dancing popcorn guys (out of 4)

FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL
Scheduled release date: April 11

When I first heard there was a new flick starring Freaks and Geeks alum Jason Segel and ex-Veronica Mars star Kristen Bell, I flipped out and, in my head, automatically bestowed a million dancing popcorn guys upon Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

And then I actually watched the trailer.

Segel, who played Linda Cardellini’s adorable albeit occasionally stalkerish boyfriend on the short-lived Freaks & Geeks, plays a brokenhearted chump who travels to Hawaii to forget his ex-girlfriend (Bell)—only to find out they’re vacationing at the same resort and—awkward!—she’s brought her new boyfriend.

OK, there are two serious problems with Forgetting Sarah Marshall. One: Segel has devolved into something decidedly less adorable and more creepy since his Nick Andopolis days.

And, Bell, so ferociously awesome as Veronica Mars, in her new Heroes role and, even, as the coolly brutal Gossip Girl narrator, is unforgivably bland and totally forgettable here.

Meanwhile the “plot” and “jokes” feel forced, sexist and, worst of all, criminally unfunny.

So consider at least 999,999 of those dancing popcorn guys revoked.

Rating: 1 dancing popcorn guy (out of 4)

INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL
Scheduled release date: May 22

It’s been nearly 20 years since the last Indiana Jones installment and though the world is a much different place these days, some things, thankfully, never really change.

So while the trailer for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull doesn’t really give away much (OK, any) of the highly anticipated flick’s plot, it does reassure fans that this Steven Speilberg-directed film relies on the Indy Film Gold Standard.

Which means you’ll get, in no particular order, tons of Harrison Ford (still smokin’ at 65);smart aleck one-liners; the Fedora; tumbling boulders; fiery explosions; winding chases; daredevil stunts; hot vixens; sucker punches, and lost treasures.

Oh, the film also stars Ray Winstone, Shia LaBeouf, Cate Blanchett, John Hurt and Jim Broadbent - but, as you and I both know, they’re sorta beside the point.

Rating: 3 dancing popcorn guys (out of 4)