Gather around neophyte fright fans, it’s time for a long overdue lesson in what is truly scary. Somewhere along the way, you’ve been misguided, believing that being startled equals a feeling of dread or a shorthand for suspense. For the record, both emotional responses are completely and utterly different. Shock is a sudden sensation, one that comes from the unexpected or the unanticipated. A car pulls out in front of you as you precede through an intersection; the cat jumps on your computer while you are cluelessly chatting with your Facebook pals; a door slams or a vehicle backfires while you weren’t paying attention - each one of these situations produces a considered response, one that can have a deleterious effect on your psyche. You’re jumpy. You’re afraid. But unlike being truly scared, such a feeling is merely temporary, a momentary lapse before rediscovering your fairly consistent everyday comfort zone.

No, fear is literally spine tingling and chilling. It seems under your skin and raises the fuzz on the nape of your neck. It brings about sleepless nights, eyes open as the darkness descends on your already anxious thoughts. Being scared is being constantly reminded of the reason for your fright, of being unsettled for no obvious reason except for the subject of said terror. A loud bang might bring about a couple of minutes (or hours) of unease, but the sensation soon goes away. Terror should be something that sticks to you like a leech, sucking away your resolve until you can no longer stand the stress. Being startled therefore is not the same thing, and as a result, any movie that functions as a series of jolts is nothing more than the cinematic version of a defibrillator. It may be startling, but it’s not also scary.

Last weekend, Paranormal Activity was the Number One film in the nation, raking in almost $22 million at the box office. Declared by some limited perspective websites as “the scariest movie of all time”, this $15K clunker is really nothing more than 90 minutes of meandering followed by five minutes of predictable “BOO!”. No attempt is made to deliver suspense, to take the viewer through a collection of connected scenes leading to an unholy feeling of trepidation. No, like those YouTube video where people tell you to look closely at the screen before a photoshopped version of Regan MacNeil’s devil face pops up and causes you to jump, director Oren Peli realizes he can’t get you with style or storytelling. So he sets up a video camera, cranks up the stillness, and then systematically showers the viewer with nothing more than anticipatory, formulaic surprise. Again, it’s startling, but it’s not scary.

A couple of years ago, another unlikely hit, The Strangers, followed a similar format. Though we did have the notion of blood and gore as a byproduct of the shocks, the entire movie was made up of two people responding to door knocks, window crashes, footfalls, and the sudden appearance of masked mugs. Again, there was no attempt to get the audience to identify with the plight of the people involved (not the failed relationship aspect - the being surrounded by psychos part) and after the initial jolt, director Bryan Bertino went right back to boring us to death. Indeed, the false scare has been a scary movie mandate since the beginning of the artform. Before complicated elements and psychological chills became part of the fright flick landscape, the carnival dark ride ideal was the main creative ploy used by artists and hacks alike.

Unfortunately, it’s not as easy to define scary. Being startled is almost universal. You have to be incredibly laid back or uber-cynical not to flinch when something comes unexpected flying at you (as in Paranormal Activity‘s finale). But fear is a lot more ambiguous. It’s like phobias - some people can’t stand heights, while others would hang out at the top of a tall skyscraper if they could. Others hate bugs or certain types of animals while others embrace these subjective fear factors. Going back to something said previously, being scared is about being disturbed, about worry that won’t go away, about dreading the next image or idea coming up on the screen (or into your brain). True, some can mistake the adrenaline rush of a probable shock as something akin to the scary experience, but true terror comes not only from what is seen - it’s the unknown element or concept that is waiting around the narrative corner, claws sharp and fangs caked with grue.

As mentioned before, The Exorcist is an example of one of the scariest movies of all time. It’s definitely shocking and highly upsetting, but there is more to it than crucifix masturbation and a Satan influenced potty-mouthed adolescent. William Friedkin used the unusual setting to discuss the growing generation gap between ‘70s youth and supposedly tuned-in parents, exploring divorce, separation, and selective parenting along the way. Author William Peter Blatty tapped directly into the lingering superstitions surrounding religion and its rituals while referencing a supposedly real life case of possession. The combination created a kind of perfect supernatural storm, the constant bombardment of evil and everyday explanations setting the stage for a finale so horrific it remains a genre classic.

Similarly, Dario Argento brought a Mediterranean view of macabre to his brilliant horror crime thriller Deep Red (Profondo Rosso). Using a standard whodunit set up (a famous psychic is killed, and a jazz musician tries to find out who…and why), the famed filmmaker takes us through a wicked whirlwind of childhood trauma, familial secrets, and one of the creepiest abandoned manors ever. All the while, blood sprays, gloved killers conspire, and a horrific atmosphere is manufacture out of pure visual wonder. Like The Exorcist, Argento’s movies (including Suspiria and Inferno) function as psychological stumbling blocks. They do not let you rest. You cannot easily forget them. And when the time comes to turn off the lights, to try and settle in for a little sleep, the visions created in both efforts lie right along with you, replaying in your tired, troubled mind over and over again.

Unless a tree limb falls on your roof overnight, memories of Paranormal Activity are not going to disturb your slumber. It’s like a rollercoaster or other amusement park thrill ride - a few moments of empty edge of the seat thrills followed by a slow fade into memory. Indeed, the embracing of this idea as scary seems indicative of the contemporary tread toward better-than-instant gratification. We want our pulse quickened and we want it now! No time for character development or careful plotting. Shock us, startle us, and then let us get back to our cellphones. If that’s all you want in a horror film, there are perfectly perfunctory examples of same currently showing. Once you’ve been jolted and jostled, why not give some real fear a try. Then you will hopefully know what truly is “the scariest of all time.”

—Bill Gibron

With its fourth place finish at the box office this weekend, $7 million-plus haul, and continuing buzz about its scary movie status (or lack thereof), Paranormal Activity has once again spiked renewed interest in the oddball combo category known as Found Footage/Mock Documentary horror. Used sporadically since the inception of post-modern era, this experiment in attempted authenticity has been rather hit or miss. For every proposed blockbuster, there are an equal number of mere busts. In fact, with the advances in technology, more independent filmmakers are trying their hand at such a stunt-oriented style. More times than not, it doesn’t work (see the crappy Chronicles of an Exorcism for further proof).

In light of all the hype surrounding Oren Peli’s limp haunted house saga, SE&L has decided to recommend 10 films it feels does a much better job with the cinematically sticky format. Not all of these movies succeed - in fact, more than a couple are just as underwhelming as Paranormal‘s dull demon attack. But when given over to proclamations and unnecessary superlatives, it’s nice to get little added perspective on what you’re celebrating. If the movies mentioned here are any indication, the current cause celeb will have a long way to go before it matches the menace generated by its commercial cousins. Let’s begin with one of the original attempts at combining fact with fiction:

Perhaps one of the first films to every explore the “you are there” dynamic from a purely dramatic standpoint, this look at Britain pre and post nuclear annihilation would be the forerunner for later takes on the material, including NBC’s shockingly superb 1983 entry Special Bulletin (a TV movie that actually fooled many watching at home).  War even went on to win an Oscar for Best Documentary, highlighting it use of found footage to improve the authenticity of the storyline.

Ruggero Deodato did such a great job recreating the flesh feasting crimes in this savage goona-goona satire on the media that he was actually detained by Italian police, accused of helming an actual snuff film. Of course, it was all faked, but this didn’t stop urban legends and other conjecture from surrounding this sickening exercise in excess. While the bookend material is a tad hamfisted (it makes Network look subtle), there is no denying the impact of the supposed “real” depictions of death.

The first in a long line of serial killer spotlights, this Belgian black comedy finds a film crew following around Benoît Poelvoorde, a monstrous maniac who murders people at random. Over the course of his conversations with his ‘witnesses’, he draws them into his world of violence and mayhem. Many have criticized this film for its cold and callous approach. But there’s no denying its impact on the next decade of first person POV productions.

One of the lingering controversies in this new subgenre is which came first - The Last Broadcast or The Blair Witch Project. There are similarities between both that are eerily prophetic and some have suggested that the Burkittsville filmmakers caught a festival screening of this similarly styled effort, the rest being multimillion dollar history. Whatever the final version of the truth, this criminally overlooked thriller features a group of public access cable adventurers meeting their fate in a fabled wood. The rest of the narrative tries to unravel the mystery surrounding their death, succeeding in sending shivers up one’s spine in the process. 

As the most recent entry in the always tricky “scariest movie of all time” department, Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sánchez cinematic shell game was always meant to be a multimedia con. There was a no BS website, a lack of available talent for interviews, and early reviews suggesting that this was the first authentic example of a true found footage title ever. In the end, it was jus a really good ruse backed up with a slight, sloppy scary movie. The ending is still sensational. The rest of the movie has only grown more grating over time.

Undoubtedly, few have heard of this low budget independent offering, a movie that features several inebriated teens entering a supposedly haunted asylum to test their terror tenacity. Using a first person POV perspective as well as severally slyly placed surveillance cameras, this was the rare film that took the gimmicky premise and played it for as much misdirection and menace as possible. Unlike a low tech take such as Paranormal Activity, this ghost story actually delivers the goods - over and over and over again. 

George Romero jumped into the found footage fray after the less than enthusiastic response for his fourth installment in the Dead series (Land of the…). With a fan base still clamoring for more zombie goodness, he came up with a clever way of resetting the franchise, showing the initial living dead outbreak from a horror film crew’s accidental perspective. Some felt the macabre master was showing his age (and desperation) with such an approach, yet the results remain undeniably unsettling.

A real “love it or hate it” entry into the subgenre, many will never forgive filmmaker John Erick Dowdle for wasting a good idea with such piss-poor execution. Following police as they pour over nearly 800 video tapes shot by a sadistic serial killer seems like a crackerjack idea for a fright film. But budgetary restrictions and a lack of experience meant that most of the gore was kept offscreen. Add in some terrible acting and a similarly hyped theatrical ploy by MGM (they ended up pulling the release at the last minute) and this stands as a decent decision with only limited cinematic returns.

Along with the last film on this list, this superb Spanish thriller shows what can be done with the found footage idea. It takes an inspired set-up, a perfected follow through, and an attic filled with ghoulish geeks and turns them into a living nightmare of authentic horror movie maneuvers. This is the movie Paranormal Activity pretends to be, a rollicking rollercoaster ride where you never know what’s around the next corner, where anyone can die at any time, and an ending that raises as many questions as it provides answer. Lucky for us [REC]2 comes out in a couple of months. Supposedly, it’s just as good as the original.

Producer JJ Abrams pulled off one of the rare creative coups two years ago when he began a compelling viral ad campaign to celebrate his gonzo Godzilla update. With Mark Reeves behind the lens and enough shaky cam complaints to make the Blair Witch seem like a dose of Dramamine, this amazing monster movie proved that POV filmmaking didn’t have to lack scope, intensity, or action. In fact, the best part about this movie was the flawless integration of oversized F/X into what was supposed to be a handheld camera capture.

—Bill Gibron

It seems to get harder every year. As Tinseltown continues to micromanage the box office down to a dollars and cents science, turning out more product that pure cinematic wonder, coming up with a list of five or - god forbid - ten favorites becomes a Herculean chore. Frankly, we’d rather clean out a few stables or slay some Stymphalian birds than rack our brain making a decision. And 2009 made the situation even more of a struggle. It seemed like the entire season was either front or back loaded, greatness coming at the start or toward the end with very few offerings plodding around somewhere in the middle. Indeed, it seemed like the titles from May to August were either great, or groan-inducing - very few in between.

Still, we sorted through the nearly 50 films we tackled over the last 16 weeks and came up with something like a consensus. Certainly, we didn’t see everything (sorry Moon, Paper Heart, Big Fan, Taking Woodstock, etc.) and there were definitely movies that remained enigmas, needing another viewing (or two) before their lasting value could be calculated. As a result, the lists below feel a bit incomplete. Yes, we got to Final Destination 3D and Halloween II. No, they wouldn’t be making an appearance anywhere today (much to many readers chagrin, surely). Indeed, as with any collection of favorites, it’s all a matter of opinion. Instead of getting snippy about it, why not offer up your own choices. Perhaps your picks are just as debatable.

Instead of going into detail about all 20 films featured, we will simply focus on the Top Five. While we’ll have something to say about picks ‘six through ten’, don’t expect the same amount of praise and/or criticism. It was just that kind of Summer, starting with one of its best “blue humor” comedies.

A runaway success that tested so well, the studio was plotting a sequel before the original film hit theaters. As long as it retains Zack Galifianakis in front and Todd Phillips behind the len, we are so there.

Sam Mendes is unfairly derided for his cinematic output. SE&L thinks he’s just super, and this lovely little road comedy starring John Krasinski and Maya Rudolph illustrates why.

Katherine Bigelow is back, delivering the kind of suspense and respect the Iraq War film has lacked up until now. With a star-making turn by Jeremy Renner as a gung-ho bombs expert.

We knew Hayao Miyazaki was considered a god among animation fanatics, but up until now, our limited purview failed to illustrate why. Now we get it.

Ah, the British. Leave it to them to skewer the current state of politics and leave no one - including their own blinkered bureaucrats - safe from satiric harm. A real gem.

Sam Raimi is back and he’s bucking the PG-13 horror film trend. That’s right, leave it to Mr. Evil Dead himself to save the genre he helped redefined while staying solidly within the studio-friendly MPAA mandate. Many a major macabre name has tempted the 12 and under Fates and come up failure. But with his usual visual flair, directorial expertise, and unrelenting narrative drive, he took a hoary old fright film chestnut - the evil curse on an unsuspecting victim- and turned it into sublime shock spectacle. He can go off and make another trilogy of Spider-man films if he wants, just as long as when he revisits the standard scary movie, he delivers something as demented and delightful as this.

Damn Pixar! When are they ever going to screw up? Every year they announce something that doesn’t seem like it will work - a bunch of talking cars? A father fish desperate to find his son? - and turns it into a work of friggin’ art. Same with the story of Carl Fredricksen, his unlikely friendship with a young boy named Russell, and the old man’s quest to honor his late wife’s last wish. Structured like a typical family film adventure, there is more heart and heroics in this stunning CG masterpiece than in a dozen derivative commercial cartoons. Even better, it proves that Pixar is never to be underestimated. Even when the play fast and loose with reality (a rat who wants to be a chef?), they deliver unlike any other studio in Hollywood. 

Peter Jackson can sure pick ‘em. It’s not every day the Lord of the Rings guru gives his name to some upstart production, especially one that could have been his take on the cash cow Halo franchise. Instead, he allowed first timer Neill Blomkamp to extrapolate on his equally powerful 2005 short Alive in Joburg, turning into a formidable sci-fi allegory. Part social commentary, part emotional character study, all wrapped up in WETA’s exceptional special effects, this left turn title fooled audiences who were betting on something akin to Independence Day with a conscience. What they got instead was both triumphant and troubling, an ambiguous narrative that posed as many questions as conquests.

In what is perhaps the closest race ever for the Summer’s Best, a title from the second week of the season sits with one from the second to last weekend to bookend what made this particular popcorn season worth while. One is a brilliant deconstruction of the entire old Hollywood war film, with a little post-modern musing thrown in for damn good measure. The other is why we speculate over each May through August rush. Not only did it reinvent and reinvigorate a seemingly stale franchise, it was one of the best bumbling F/X action epics of all time. Quentin Tarantino and J.J. Abrams couldn’t be more dissimilar as directors. One concentrates on dialogue and homages to cinema’s past. The other turns up his nerd-ometer to ‘stun’ and then goes about delivering on what looks like a next to impossible promise.

So why not pick one? Why not differentiate between Basterds’ brilliant rewrite of history and Trek‘s take on all things Roddenberry. The answer, oddly enough, lies in what Tarantino and Abrams attempted. It would have been easy for the former’s film to be nothing more than an ultra-violent Dirty Dozen with Jews getting payback for every part of Hitler’s Final Solution, while the latter could have concocted a heavy handing hero-worshipping saga that did little except regurgitate what obsessives like best about Kirk, Spock, and the gang. Instead, we witness true artistic acumen, invention meshed with undeniable skill, resulting in a multifaceted look at the Great War and a deep, definitive take on a classic TV series. When the end of the year comes, one thing’s for sure - either or both of these films will be bucking for a place in the Top Ten. We’re sure we’ll have the same trouble choosing then as well.

The RomCom goes sci-fi for this tale of love within the cosmic conundrum of the space time continuum. Don’t worry, the movie made about as much sense as that last sentence did.

As unnecessary sequels go, this lame retread truly tried one’s patience. By the time we got to the Lincoln Memorial ‘man in suit’ ending, we couldn’t be bothered to care.

Katherine Heigl argued that her role in Knocked Up was sexist. So she decided to improve her feminist lot by making an even worse example of cinematic chauvinism. Makes sense.

Sacha Baron Cohen tried to fool all of the homophobic people some of the time again, and to further corrupt the tired old maxim, he failed. Shame on him - and us, for caring.

An urban comedy that forgot the first rule about big screen laughfests - you’re supposed to include some jokes.

There are some reviews out there that suggest David Twohy did in all on purpose. That he held back on anything exciting or interesting for over an hour before finally offering the patented, if in this case exceptionally poor, thriller plot twist. Then he intentionally took the audience on another 30 minutes of insane psycho rambling, coincidence as action, and brainless bullshit bloodletting. Terrific. So apparently, those of us who were simply bored, who didn’t buy the reveal, and felt the ending was over the top and trashy got it all wrong. We didn’t see Twohy’s visionary take on the type. Thankfully, this is one case of critical blindness we’ll gladly accept - as long as it means not having to revisit this disjointed dreck. 

Sid and Marty Krofft WERE on drugs - no, not when they made their original “60s/‘70s kid vid freak outs. Those adorable bits of TV psychedelia will clearly stand the test of time. No, the aging brothers were clearly tweaking when they said “Yes” to having Will Farrell turn their semi-serious attempt at sci-fi into a ridiculous, raunchy, PG-13 pushing sex farce. Laden with curse words and characters you wouldn’t want to spend a second with, let alone 90 noxious minutes, everything about this attempted update fails to function - the laughs, the effects, even the original premise. Turning favored elements like the Sleestaks and the crystals into plodding plot points was bad enough, but did fun furball Chaka have to become a pervert as well?

Hey Messageboard Nation - why don’t you take all that pent up hate that you have for Rob Zombie and Paul W. S. Anderson and instead aim it at the mediocre mainstream hack who helmed this elephantine waste of space. Michael Bay may have crafted some decent action films in the past, but this is clearly not one of them. Instead of going into the whole “I liked the first Transformers” tale, let’s make one thing perfectly clear - 200% more of what worked initially does not a great film make, especially when you are emphasizing the wrong stuff. Middle-aged sex antics? Racially insensitive robots? A surreal obsession with Megan Fox’s slo-mo skeeziness? If it hadn’t made a mint, the fans would be picking on it - and rightfully so.

It’s not fair really. For most of you, this title will seem like Sanskrit. For others, it will represent that oddball offering that showed up on one screen in their local Cineplex and was gone before they even knew what it was. Dumped unceremoniously into 10 markets across the country (NY and LA? Nope.) as part of a contractual obligation, this Jason Schwartzman/Ben Stiller flop was so bereft of humor, so lacking in a reason to care, that it virtually changed genres. Advertised as one of those clever, quirky comedies featuring universally identifiable characters, it instead constantly transmogrified into a kind of droll drama. Not surprisingly, neither category succeeded.

In some ways, it wasn’t even close. As bad as Marc Pease and Transformers 2 really were, this movie wins the title of Summer’s worst because of what it managed to do - that is, squander the talents of some otherwise solid people both before and behind the camera. Hayden Panettiere has done better. Paul Rust has done better (see Summer’s Best). Director Chris Columbus handled the first two Harry Potter films, while writer Larry Doyle (who managed to figure out a way to f*ck up the adaptation of his own novel) was with The Simpsons. And yet all of them managed to deliver one of the un-funniest teen comedies EVER. No jokes. No insights. No good.

—Bill Gibron

It’s a film criticism cliché - remakes suck. Sure, there are exceptions, but for the most part, taking an already established film and “updating”/“reimagining” it, for whatever reason, routinely turns up junk. In recent years, it was Asian horror films that received some unnecessary Westernization. One Missed Call my Eye! Now, Tinsel Town is casting an even wider international net. With the announcement that Cloverfield‘s Matt Reeves is taking on the English version of the Swedish masterpiece Let the Right One In, perhaps we should go back to last October and see how successful Sony’s remake of [REC] was. Wait, you never heard of [REC] ? Really? Well, that’s not surprising. For some reason (read: clear commercial competition), the studio sat on the brilliant Spanish production, giving it a lukewarm festival like release schedule before hiding it away. Clearly they were waiting until Quarantine, their take on the material, had its day in the cinematic sun.

With the release this week of [REC] on Region 1 DVD - again, held up for some unknown ($$$) reason - we can do a little compare and contrast. But first, a couple of caveats. To be on the up and up, this critic liked both films. Actually, that’s not right. He ADORED [REC] , finding it one of the creepiest films of the last few years. Oddly enough, he appreciated what Quarantine tried to do with the material. While not always successful, it definitely stands on its own. Secondly, this discussion will be inundated with spoilers. Spoilers, Spoilers, SPOILERS!!! So if you want to experience one or either of these films without knowing the many plot contrivances and twists, go check out [REC] and Quarantine first and then come back to this piece. Only then will you fully appreciate the specifics we will be dissecting, beginning with:

First, both [REC] and Quarantine make the wise decision to not “pretty up” their storylines with unnecessary subtext or pointless subplots. Each movie gives us the same set up (reporter tagging along on a routine fire call) and takes it to its logical, logistical ends. Certainly, the effectiveness of how it manages this straightforward narrative device is one of the crucial differences between the two.  While it plays like a virtual shot-for-shot recreation of [REC] , Quarantine does contain elements that try (some successfully, some not so) to expand on the original idea. One of the Spanish spook shows many delights were its menacing inferences, from the standard zombie machinations to the horrific demonic possession material at the end. Quarantine goes for (SPOILER ALERT), “mutant rabies strain”. Similarly, the remake discharges all of the original’s religious overtones to expand on the whole “animal” angle. Quarantine also adds a couple of unique kills - one featuring a video camera, another involving an infected dog. All in all, however, it’s the same basic movie. 

The biggest difference between [REC] and Quarantine is how each film handles its cast. For directors Jaume Balagueró and Paco Plaza, there was a drive toward anonymity. There was a real desire on their part to use the (mostly) unknown quality of their performers to sell the reality of what was going on. As a result, they picked individuals like Manuela Velasco - some notoriety, but not enough to stick out in her native land. Naturally, when Hollywood cranks up its remake machine, they have to pepper the personalities with recognizable (or at least quasi-recognizable) actors. That’s why our lead is played by Jennifer Carpenter from Dexter, or why the fireman she follows are Jay Hernandez (of Hostel fame) and Johnathon Schaech (perhaps best known for That Thing You Do). While they attempt to override their celebrity with some halfway decent turns, the production clearly mandates more screen time for all of them. That’s why we get elongated sequences inside the firehouse, and the budding (if quickly tossed aside) sexual advances. [REC] views its characters as fright fodder. Quarantine is looking to pad some up and comers slight resumes.

Oddly enough, the application of real thespians into this found footage conceit does Quarantine a grand disservice. While Hernandez actually helps in the heroics department (giving us a viable victim to root for), Ms. Carpenter is so over the top and fake that we wonder how anyone would ever take her seriously. As with most horror heroines, her character substitutes fear for common sense, leading to actions that would probably get her killed within the first five minutes. Unlike Angela Vidal, her Hispanic counterpart, she falls apart almost immediately, forgetting the story and her position as a member of the press. Similarly, the residents of the American apartment complex are all vying for screen time, preening and preparing when they should just be reacting. The best part of [REC] is how authentic the obviously fake situation feels. This is because the Spanish cast was kept in the dark, limited in how much they were told about what was going to happen. Such an approach makes the original play as real, something Quarantine has to work hard at - and that’s never a good thing. 

For John Erick Dowdle, who along with his brother Drew came up with the so-so found footage film The Poughkeepsie Tapes a few years back, Quarantine represented a substantial step up. They were helming a Hollywood film for the first time, and recreating a favored foreign fright film at that. One would expect a few novice jitters, but for the most part, Dowdle does a great job. He doesn’t abuse the hand held element, going gonzo with shaky cam chaos. He even gives his shooter some onscreen time, making the “manual” aspect to the filming that much more important. For Balagueró and Plaza, there is no such need for added affectations. Instead, they want to treat this material as up front and formal as possible. When Angela screams about securing the camera, it’s because it is there to record the truth, not add some kind of cinematic “style” to the experience. As a result, [REC] feels like a newscast gone horribly wrong. While equally effective, Quarantine does have just the slightest twinge of cinematic self-indulgence.

This is where [REC] runs roughshod over its Tinsel Town twin. Even though it’s obvious that both films are trying to copy real life, only the original succeeds as a shocker. The set-ups work better, the over the shoulder reveals and diminished peripheral vision functioning better than say, random shocks and sudden looks in the lens. In fact, almost every set-piece sequence (the falling fireman, the textile factory attack, the little girl transformation, the last ditch escape to the penthouse, the discovery of what’s inside) is handled better by [REC] than in Quarantine. Most would chalk this up to the work of cinematographer Pablo Rosso who really did handle the duties as Angela Vidal’s cameraman. He understands both the overall big picture of what Balagueró and Plaza want to accomplish while seamlessly fusing into the film’s premise. Never once do we see “Pablo”, nor is he a player in this particular drama. He is merely a member of the media, doing his job and hoping not to get killed in the process. His efforts make the found footage of [REC] look flawless. Quarantine, on the other hand, suffers from being too fussy and flashy.

—Bill Gibron

It’s been a hectic week here at SE&L, and before we climb the mountain of theatrical reviews coming this week (with Bruno, I Love You Beth Cooper, and The Hurt Locker coming, among others), we are going to take a few days off and regroup. In the meantime, may we suggest revisiting the dozen or so titles we tackled over the last seven days or so. You will probably find something you missed, or might not have known about until now. Look for our return Thursday with a take on Kathryn Bigelow’s magnificent Iraq War thriller. Until then, enjoy!

INDIE SPOTLIGHT

Hungry Years (2009)

DVDS

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Volume XV
Cinemad Almanac 2009 (Short Film Collection)
12 Rounds - Extreme Cut (2009): Blu-ray
Giuseppe Andrews’ Long Row to Hoe
Zabriskie Point (1970)
The Unborn: Unrated (2009)
10,000 AD: Legend of the Black Pearl (2008)
The Midnight Blue Collection: Volumes 6 & 7 - Porn Stars of the ‘80s/‘90s
Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li (2009)
Dragon Hunters (2008)
Pot Zombies (2005)

—Bill Gibron

Freebie and the Bean

Director: Richard Rush

Cast: Alan Arkin, Jack Kruschen, James Caan, Linda Marsh, Loretta Swit, Mike Kellin, Paul Koslo

(Warner Brothers; US DVD: 1 Apr 2009; UK DVD: 1 Apr 2009)

 Amazon

Soldier in the Rain

Director: Ralph Nelson

Cast: Steve McQueen, Jackie Gleason, Ed Nelson, Tuesday Weld, Tom Poston

(Warner Brothers; US DVD: 1 Apr 2009; UK DVD: 1 Apr 2009)

 Amazon

In theory, it’s a fantastic idea - buying your DVDs directly from a studio, a service offering even the most discerning consumer the possibility of rifling through a huge untapped vault of unreleased titles. When Warner Brothers announced its intention to create a sell-through Archive Collection, giving fans a chance to purchase movies that have never made it to the digital domain, there was celebration - as well as calls for caution. Initial information suggested sloppily created DV-Rs with little consideration for added content or technical specifications. And early reviews were less than stellar. Still, as the number of available films increased in carefully controlled “waves”, the critical tide has started to turn. Indeed, it seems that the more movies Warners makes available, the less arguments advocates have over the transfer quality or lack of extras.

Make no mistake about it, this is a pure cash cow for the studio. They make it very clear on the website that these are not special edition and carefully remastered versions of their films. Instead, like a pirate operation in the backroom of some major Metropolitan mob hideout, Warners is “burning” discs for you, asking $19.95 in return for a bit of entertainment nostalgia. The reason that some of these movies have never made it to DVD is clear - they are unknown niche offerings from eras so bygone that only historians and arftform geeks recognize the names. But there are lost treasures to be found among the ruins, offerings like Freebie and the Bean and Solider in the Rain that, while dated, deliver the kind of unquestionable quality that will keep the Archive Collection in business - at least for now.

For those unfamiliar with either film, SE&L sampled what Warners has to offer, and the results are definitely worth a recommendation. In the case of Freebie and the Bean, we are instantly transported back to the post-peace malaise of the early ‘70s. In Soldier, the beginning of the ‘60s stands in sharp satiric contrast to the suburban Conservative stance of the previous decade. Together, both argue against conformity and for bucking the trend. In the case of the Gleason/McQueen military spoof, such unconventionality pays poor dividends. For Freebie and his Mexican partner “The Bean” however, lawlessness and bigotry are just part of parceling out justice in the big city. Our Caucasian cop steals from those he is supposed to serve and protect. For his Hispanic other half, towing the American Dream has led to worry, panic, and a sneaking suspicion that his wife is having an affair.

For all of its “in your face” derring-do, however, Freebie and the Bean has not aged well. That’s not to say that time has completely tarnished the original bad cop buddy film. Far from it. But for those who’ve heard of Richard Rush’s legendary controversial comedy, a movie made up of exciting action scenes, a complicated crime drama plot, and enough racial slurs to make the KKK proud, this film will be a revelation - and not necessarily in a good way. The plot has our amiable anti-heroes working to nail numbers racketeer Red Meyers. After they find a piece of evidence in the mobster’s garbage can, they think they have the case sewn up. Too bad the dictatorial DA thinks otherwise. When an informant tells them that Meyers may not be long for this world (the Detroit mob has put a contract out on him), it’s up to the duo to protect their prize defendant.

As an example of old school A-list acting, Freebie definitely has its moments. Sure, James Caan is in full blown scandalous superstar mode, mocking every ethnicity he can while carrying over the cache he earned from Brian’s Song, The Godfather, and Cinderella Liberty, while Alan Arkin is fleshing out the fame he found in Catch-22, The Last of the Red Hot Lovers, and Little Murders. These are two men at the top of their given game, and when you add in cult director/maverick Rush, who runs ramshackle over ‘70s movie convention, you should have something subversive, and wildly entertaining. Sure, the rebelliousness is obvious, but in light of a 35 year advance in cultural dialogue, Polish Jokes and casually thrown epithets just don’t seem that shocking - or funny.

In fact, Freebie and the Bean is far more enjoyable as a work of old school stunt coordination than anything else. It’s clear from the number of automotive crackups here that John Landis studied this film over and over again before he destroyed half of Chicago in The Blues Brothers. Set in San Francisco, Rush turns the entire town into a sight gag, from a three story plunge into an old couple’s dilapidated bedroom, to a disrupted art fair where a giant domino display delivers on its precarious set-up shtick. All the while, professionals both behind and in front of the wheel make us believe in the reality of what is happening, mechanical threat without the sometimes noticeable CG sheen of the current action trade. Naturally, if you look hard enough, you will see Caan and Arkin’s stand-ins doing most of the dangerous heavy horsepower lifting, but just like similarly styled films (Bullitt, The French Connection), we can equally appreciate their contributions to the experience.

The rest of Freebie and the Bean will be a little tougher going. Caan and Arkin are given free reign by Rush to mimic Robert Altman and his overlapping dialogue routine. Jokes - or what passes as humor - frequently get lost in the actor’s desire to improve and adlib. Similarly, the whole ‘supercop’ approach is so middling Me Decade. Caan earns his nickname by basically flimflamming and scamming the constituency into giving him stuff (clothes, cars, cash) for nothing. Today, we would call that obvious corruption and graft. Then, it was part and parcel of cleaning up the mean streets of our decaying urban landscape. And let’s not forget the outright brutality - Freebie and the Bean beat up more potential witnesses than they ever interview, and when a possible criminal comes into their felonious frame of reference, it’s all Tarantino-ready gun battles and firepower.

Soldier in the Rain stands in stark contrast to the cops and robbers routine of Freebie, and yet there are many similarities in both perspective and attitude. In this 1963 lark, Steve McQueen is Sgt. Eustis Clay. In less than a week, he will be getting out of the Army, and he wants his best buddy - and get rich quick co-conspirator M/Sgt Maxwell Slaughter - to join him. Unfortunately, the middle-aged mixer (played by Jackie Gleason) has no desire to step back into civilian life. Hoping for one last chance to lure his pal back into the real world, Clay sets Slaughter up with local “good girl” Bobbie Jo Pepperdine. Still in high school, the blond bimbette thinks the Master Sergeant is a “jellybelly fatty”. But as Clay’s time grows short, Slaughter shows that he is willing to do anything to protect his friend’s dignity, including putting his own safety on the line.

As an example of farce, Soldier in the Rain is an oddity, especially for its formidable cast. No one cites this film when referencing the work of talented stars like McQueen, Gleason, or Tuesday Weld, yet all excel in this example of armed forces irreverence. Oddly enough, it’s the rugged he-man that goes for the laughs, while The Great One is reduced to a patented pathos magnet. The entire film is based around their Frick and Frack relationship, Clay getting into all kinds of trouble and the slick Slaughter rescuing him time and again. With a script co-written by Blake Edwards (himself in the midst of a career epiphany, having directed The Days of Wine and Roses before and prepping The Pink Panther next), there is a tendency to take the whole country mouse/city mouse thing a bit too far. But thanks to the cast, any problems are conveniently overcome.

This doesn’t mean Soldier in the Rain is a masterpiece. Indeed, director Ralph Nelson seems stifled by the material and the setting. All he seems to do is show GI’s sweating, and stumbling around, and fighting. He never uses the locations as anything other than stages, places for the actors to move about it. Similarly, Slaughter’s domain is a wealth of interesting ideas (a rare air conditioner, a soda machine) and yet the novelty is never once exploited. In fact, Soldier in the Rain has more missed opportunities than taken chances, and yet the performances carry us across these pitfalls and - more often than not - into something equally successful. Truth be told, this is a fine forgotten film that misses greatness by the slimmest of margins.

And this is the beauty of the Warners Archive Collection. While something like Freebie had a long and profitable shelf-life for the studio (it was a big hit the year of its release), Solider has been relegated to also-ran in the history of several famous names. Neither disc will be winning awards for video or audio quality, but then again they are significantly better than bootlegs that never take such concepts into consideration. As they roll out more and more titles, as the merchandising element of the approach gets more popular and polished, other companies may follow suit. In fact, it’s hard to see this set-up not becoming the norm for other nominal films. Warners may be innovators when it comes to such a sell-through ideal, but it’s the movies that matter. And in the case of Freebie and the Bean/Soldier in the Rain, it’s well worth it.

—Bill Gibron