G.I. Joe’s Future Hangs on the Unbalanced

Nice try but the article was filled with fail.

Sigma 6 was a failure of epic proportions: too many Duke figures (which given that Duke is one of the least liked character in the franchise, says something about Hasbro’s misplaced priorities) and not enough characters people like, let alone villains. Also, the figures were WAY too bulky and big, cost an arm and a leg, and that by the time they started making figures fans might have liked to own, they had pretty much alienated most of the big time retailers who were sick of the line and it’s shelf-warming Duke figures.

As for the movie, I think the utter FAILURES of the handling of the bad guys helped doom the film. The only decent thing they did was get the 9th Doctor Who as Destro and that was it. They COMPLETELY missed the point with Baroness: she’s the unrepentant femme fatale terrorist driven by her fanatical hatred of authority after her brother, a good guy relief worker, was killed by friendly fire. As bad as the movie butchered Cobra Commander, it butchered Baroness worse.

As for Cobra Commander, again blotched irreversibly. Between retconning him as Baroness’s brother, the BS that was hiring the kid from “3rd Rock From the Sun” to play him (seriously, Joseph Gordan Levitt was the worse possible pick for CC), and the way they executed bringing him to life on the screen? God it was a textbook case of failure for the sake of failure. GI Joe fans, especially of the ARAH incarnation, will forgive a LOT so long as they get the bad guys right. The movie couldn’t even do that right.

As for the toy line, the 25th Anniversery line SAVED the GI Joe franchise after Sigma 6 destroyed all of the hard work that the “GI Joe vs Cobra” and “Valor Vs Venom” line had done to resurrect GI Joe as a toyline. That’s why there are so many 25th Anniversery figures as part of the Movie line, so as to bait fans who would not be interested in buying the movie figure into buying them. It’s also says something that the most beloved movie toys are either non-movie character characters (like the Shipwreck figure) or those who look like they came straight from the regular non-movie toy line (IE the Baroness, Snakey Eyes, Storm Shadow, Zartan, and Viper figures).

That said, odds are that we’ll be back to seeing classic Joe toys once the movie stuff dies off (and I don’t see Hasbro dragging it out like they did the Transformer movie figures) and any sequel we might get for GI Joe will probably be a full-on reboot complete with proper-Joe and Cobra characters looking and behaving like they should (as well as having their proper names, like Ripcord being named Stalker, like he should have been called in the first place given how important Stalker is characterwise to the Joe franchise).

Comment by JesseBaker — August 31, 2009 @ 2:35 pm

Thanks for reading, Jesse.

While I concede that you have a point when you say that there were too many Duke figures in the Sigma 6 series, you should keep two things in mind:

1. Sigma 6 was directed primarily at children, and modern-day toy series are filled to bursting with the main characters, ‘cause that is what (the toy companies claim) sells; look at He-Man 2002… which also failed, admittedly; perhaps the toy companies don’t know as much as they think they do?

2. The 25th Anniversary series was no less guilty of this practice; how many Cobra Commanders were released in the last two years?

Further, you said, “…which given that Duke is one of the least liked character in the franchise, says something about Hasbro’s misplaced priorities”

Again, Hasbro is catering to the petulant, histrionic nostalgic crowd with 25th Anniversary. Sigma 6 was not the series in which to do so; kids dug Duke.

Sigma 6 was all about looking forward, and while that might upset you, consider this: if Hasbro wasn’t willing to look forward, A Real American Hero would not exist; G.I. Joe would only be available in its original 12-inch format, ‘cause Hasbro would never have been willing to alienate fans of that format.

I do wish there had been more villains in the Sigma 6 series, not to mention some females (“Kids want heroes” is the justification for the lack of villains, whether we like it or not), but the size and shape of the figures is an aesthetic thing, subject to everyone’s opinion; people who are into design cite Sigma 6 as one of the best toy lines of all time.

And your comment that they “cost an arm and a leg” is hilarious, seeing as the current crop of 4-inch figures cost only two dollars less than the Commando-priced Sigmas, which dwarfed the current figures in size (and, often, in accessories.)

I won’t argue your points about the movie, not because I necessarily agree with them, but simply because I never addressed the quality of the movie in my column. I will say that Joseph Gordan Levitt did a fine job with an awkward, uninviting role.

“GI Joe fans, especially of the ARAH incarnation, will forgive a LOT so long as they get the bad guys right. The movie couldn’t even do that right.”

Sure, but fans of your ilk are going to whine and gnash your teeth no matter what happens, added to which you’ll buy your ticket no matter how fiercely you protest the film’s supposed blunders. Further, for all your ostensible loyalty to the property, you’re a marginal portion of the movie-going public. You might wish they’d have gone with a literal-minded live-action adaptation of the old cartoons, but those cartoons suck if you watch them today from an objective perspective. And while the comics were of a stunning quality considering they were just a toy ad, they don’t hold up as legitimate stories without the benefit of a lot of nostalgia.

You might want what you had in the 1980s, but 95% of the people who bought a ticket to Rise of Cobra don’t want it.

Hasbro owes you nothing.

“As for the toy line, the 25th Anniversery line SAVED the GI Joe franchise after Sigma 6 destroyed all of the hard work that the ‘GI Joe vs Cobra’ and ‘Valor Vs Venom’ line had done to resurrect GI Joe as a toyline.”

The two lines you cited are surpassed only by Sgt. Savage and G.I. Joe Extreme as the low points in Joe history.

You cling to them ‘cause the toys were little and the names and designs were familiar; that doesn’t make them good.

“That’s why there are so many 25th Anniversery figures as part of the Movie line, so as to bait fans who would not be interested in buying the movie figure into buying them.”

There are so many 25th Anniversary figures as part of the movie line because the tooling exists, and toy companies always reuse molds to save a buck. But notice that they aren’t using Valor Vs. Venom molds in the movie line. And why? ‘Cause those toys were bastard ugly.

“That said, odds are that we’ll be back to seeing classic Joe toys once the movie stuff dies off…”

Yes, but once the sequel starts, they’ll transition back to movie toys.

“…and any sequel we might get for GI Joe will probably be a full-on reboot.”

This I highly doubt. That happened with the Hulk movies, but the Hulk has much more mainstream penetration than G.I. Joe. Your disappointment and the disappointment of your peers who want everything to be like it was twenty years ago will do little or nothing to change the direction of the sequel, and if and when Hasbro promises you otherwise, it’ll probably be lip service. That said, they threw in what I found to be a staggering number of winks and easter eggs for you lot. Apparently it all went unappreciated.

“…complete with proper-Joe and Cobra characters looking and behaving like they should (as well as having their proper names, like Ripcord being named Stalker, like he should have been called in the first place given how important Stalker is characterwise to the Joe franchise).”

Good lord. You’re one of those guys who wrote up a petition because the first Flint figure in the 25th Anniversary series didn’t have his gloves, aren’t you?

No one except a few thousand tantrum-throwers like yourself gives a crap that Stalker’s name is now Ripcord. And if you think Hasbro and Paramount will confuse and alienate the entire movie-going public by changing the name back just to placate you, you are deluded.

…that said, I thank you again for reading.

Comment by Monte from Asmara, Eritrea, Africa — September 4, 2009 @ 6:56 am