The Ugly Duckling has Two Daddies

Is gay culture a healthy culture?

I believe that many of the issues facing gay culture has a lot to do with the perception that has been formed by the dominant heterosexual culture about gay culture in general.  Being gay myself and having written a book on this topic, I had conversations with many “straight” people about what bothered them about gays.  One very important issue was that there are a lot of generalities about all gay people based on the stereotypical behaviors they often see on T.V.  Many of these include; being self-serving and superficial, partying all the time using drugs, and the over consumption of alcohol and the wearing of gender blurring clothing.  There are members of particularly the urban gay culture that tend to be what I call the out and loud crowd, making there sexuality a big issue rather than treating their sexual orientation as a neutral issue rather than being obnoxious about it and purposely making a point to shove it into peoples faces. They are often seen as crass by many straight people.  Many of the stereotypical behaviors concerning the gay culture I believe are true and I believe it is time that we, as gay people need to own up to many of these behaviors and start to question the culture as a whole and what the cultures priorities are. I know for a fact as being and out gay man for thirty years that much of gay culture very closely fit these stereotypes and don’t seem to have any direction in their lives and mainly look forward to the weekends so they can go clubbing.  Of course this is a generalization but very common if we are to be honest with ourselves about the culture. I do however understand why many dysfunctional behaviors that can easily be found within the culture are based on childhood wounds because so many gay men were picked on in school, felt isolated and like outsiders. When they finally are out of school they usually seek out and find the safety and security of the gay community with its pre- established norms and ways of behaving that often are not considered to be healthy attitudes or behaviors, or do they promote healthy self-esteem in the new young men joining the gay culture in order to feel some sense of camaraderie for perhaps the first time in their lives. I believe if we all take a good long hard look at ourselves and try and imagine how foreign our culture must seem to the dominant culture.  So often what we don’t understand we fear.  Since they are our largest voting constituency I believe these stereotypes are getting in our way.  We, as a culture can begin to change these stereotypes by behaving in an honorable and respectful manner when we are out in public. We need spokes people that don’t fit the stereotypes that make straight people feel even more alienated from us. I’m not at all saying that men that are more effeminate should start trying to act like something they are not.  Male behavior as does female behavior runs on a scale from very effeminate to very masculine. Neither is right or wrong. They ought to be considered neutral issues. We do however need to be more honest with ourselves about the image we are sending to the world at large. This may be a helpful first step in changing impressions about who we are as a people.  Thank you, Aaron Jason Silver http://www.aaronjasonsilver.com

Comment by Aaron jason Silver from fenville, mi — January 8, 2007 @ 1:44 pm

Note to Aaron: try reading more than just the quote.  This article has nothing to do with social behaviorisms in homosexual humans, but with socially responsibile behavior in all homosexual creatures.  Let those among the heterosexual-acting who are bigoted figure it out from there.

Comment by Jack Adams from New York — January 8, 2007 @ 2:25 pm

The logic of the claims in this article has a major fault. The article claims that proof that animals do things is sufficient to claim that those things are 1) natural and 2) acceptable.

Since an argument in semantics is highly likely with regards to the first point, and since I don’t really disagree with it, I will ignore it and move on to the second point.

The article claims that since there are numerous examples of animals that practice homosexuality in various forms, it must then be appropriate for humans to practice homosexuality in those forms. By this logic, the fact that numerous examples exist of animals who kill their own kind must imply that it is acceptable for humans to kill their own kind. To take this to the point of absurdity, the presence of examples of animals that run around without clothes must imply that it is acceptable for humans to run around without clothes.

There is a physical component to being a mass-murderer. The fact that there is a genetic predisposition to this pathological condition does NOT by any means imply that the ramifications of this pathology are acceptable to society.

None of this is intended to imply any bias for or against homosexuality in humans.  There is simply a fundamental flaw in claiming that “natural” implies “right”.

Comment by Ed Bynum from Pendleton, SC — January 17, 2007 @ 5:25 pm

Ed is correct in pointing out that many “natural” behaviors (which I think here means behaviors which can be observed in populations of non-human mammals) are not considered healthy or appropriate in human society.  For me the strongest point of the recent focus on homosexual behavior in animals is simply as a rebuttal to the charge that human homosexuality is “unnatural.”

Personally I have never been terribly affected by this argument—even if humans were the only animals to express homosexual behavior I think it would be just fine.  No other animals write operas, build skyscrapers, post to blogs, or use condoms, yet all of these “unnatural” behaviors are considered normal and acceptable (well except the last which is not acceptable to some people). 

Finally, to Aaron Jason Silver, a couple of suggestions.  First, please learn to use paragraphs.  It will make your writing much easier to read and understand.  Second, I highly recommend that you read Didier Eribon’s book “Insult and the Making of the Gay Self.” It addresses many of the issues with which you seem to be concerned.  You may find that you disagree with some of what he writes, but it is provacative and quite thoughtful.  Well worth the read.

Comment by Andrew Leavitt — January 28, 2007 @ 5:02 am

I’m sorry about the prior e-mail that I sent in response to your article in regards to homosexual behvior in animals. 

I have been involved with animals of all sorts my entire live. I have raised many mammals, most specifically dogs. I also owned a veterernay clinic

My best childhood friend began a sanctuary for exotic animals of all sort primarily primates. That is the reason for the name of the org."primarily primates” He had the largest privately owned primates in the world. He did it as a non profit org to care for abandoned animals when peope started realizing that when they become adults they are very dangerous. 

Now for the reason I gave some background information was I suppose to indicate my experience with all sorts of animals and I also have been on numerous African Safaris. There are not any mammals that I am aware of that do not engage in homosexual activity. There is a species of chimps where the female chimps are almost exculsive homosexual with the exception of when the would be in esterous andd would then have heterosexuality for the sake of creating offspring. Dogs simulate sexual intercouse when they are coming into heat. That is my clue that they are so i can make arrangement for them to be bred in advance.

The argument that many religious right wingers bring up about humans being the only animals that are gay or practive homosexuality couldn’t be further from the truth. There is even an Island off the coast of Greece called Lesbos. It was an island that manay woman of ancient times lived and engaged in sexual invovement with other woman,hence the name Lesbos.

As hard as people have tried to put an end to homosexuality within the human race as always been unsuccessfull. No method has proven througout history to stop homosexuality and even now in the modern age of so many medical miracles they have not been successful. No one can create more homosexuals anymore can anyone stop homosexuals from being born. If sexual preference were so maliable then the ex gay programs would be such a success. They hoever are not and there is much scientific research to prove that. The ones in high profile positions that have claimed to cured by these programs and then go out speaking at seminars are just in a state of denial. Many of them have been seen in gay bars, so I would guess that it isn’t working. Why are their so many ministers and other high profile members of christian organizations been caught engaging in homosexual activity. Could it be possible that we are here to stay and that they will never be “cured”. If anyone could pray it away as many of us did when we were kids, it therefore would seem that prayer would be the answer. It however is not and it will never be. Thank you,
aaron silver http://www.aaronjasonsilver.com

Comment by aaron silver from fennville, michigan — January 30, 2007 @ 4:54 pm