The Ballad of Sweeney Todd (for Tim Burton)
by Michael Dare (with apologies to Stephen Sondheim)

Defend the film of Sweeney Todd
You made some choices that were quite odd
You cut this song. There’s no defense.
And now the whole thing doesn’t make any sense.
You might deserve a firing squad
for Sweeney Todd.
The demon barber of Fleet Street.

Johnny Depp was your casting choice
His acting’s good but not his voice
I know he’s got a pretty face
but he is a baritone and not a bass
like Sweeney
Like Sweeney Todd
the demon barber of Fleet Street

Raise your budget high, Burton
Build a lovely set
Get a nice percent of gross
but never net

You cast your wife, so what’s the sin?
Her breasts are heavy, her voice is thin
It’s madness that her makeup warps
a beautiful woman right into a corpse
It’s really quite a strange facade
for Sweeney Todd
and necrophilia on Fleet Street

Art direction rules, Burton
Cut it and revise
Freely flows the blood of those
Who criticize!

Untranslatable Sweeney was
to the cinema screen ‘e was
Lyrics condensed, really absurd
Half of the priest song that nobody heard
Art directed and nicely shot
but no chorus explains the plot
Kiss Me was gone, so was the coda
Still it went nice with popcorn and soda
did Sweeney
did Sweeney Todd
the demon barber of Fleet…
Street

Comment by Michael Dare — December 27, 2007 @ 7:52 pm