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Music > Features > Fountains of Wayne 
Fountains of Pain[6 February 2007] Why does a band so gifted at crafting pleasing pop feel the need to lash out at losers and demand we chortle at half-baked stereotypes?
By George ReischIt hurts when you hate your favorite band. Mine is Fountains of Wayne, the East Coast quartet that’s been keeping smart, energetic power pop alive for almost 10 years, now. Chris Collingwood and Adam Schlesinger, the Fountains’ songwriters, probably survived high school by studying half the rock albums ever released, and they’ve got great ideas and more than enough talent to make them work. According to Robbie Fulks, author of “Fountains of Wayne Hotline”, Schlesinger and Collingwood are the Click and Clack of rock ‘n’ roll, dispensing easy advice to lesser bands who’ve power-chorded themselves into a musical ditch. I like the band for other reasons, too. Schlesinger and I were almost neighbors, (we’re both from North Jersey) and I’m almost certain our high school sports teams played each other. Schlesinger and Collingwood also teamed up at Williams, the small liberal-arts school not far from Bowdoin College, where I went and learned to write songs and play in bands. I always thought it would be cool to chuck my plans for grad school and head for Boston or New York and just, you know, hang out, form a band, and write really great songs. I didn’t have the nerve, but Schlesinger and Collingwood did, and they succeeded without catering to the intellectual vacuum of popular culture. These guys are unabashedly literate and smart. They write songs like “Yours and Mine”—likely the first pop song to mention The New York Times Book Review. The Fountains’ eye for detail puts them above the rest. Like good short stories, their songs take you places that are familiar enough to be believed, but strange or funny enough to make you think, laugh, or see something new. The town’s village idiot (in “Go Hippie”) doesn’t just throw things at Mr. Crabtree’s car. He throws brownies. The fat biker with his hairy arm “around every man’s dream” isn’t just a creep; he’s got “crumbs in his beard from the seafood special” (“Leave the Biker”). The Fountains even wrote a song about the little red light on some guy’s answering machine. He’s been dumped and his whole world depends on whether or not that light’s blinking when he gets home (“Little Red Light”). If you’ve only heard “Stacy’s Mom”, their first big hit, you still can see this wit in action. Of the thousand ways to write a song about unrequited and utterly impossible teenage lust, the Fountains look at it through the eyes of a lawn boy who will never forget when Stacy’s sexy mother waved him over to sweetly whisper in his ear, “You missed a spot over there.” But there’s a problem at the heart of all this talent and creativity, a fact about the Fountains that I’ve been resisting for years. The Fountains of Wayne are mean. Really, fucking mean. All their albums feature songs that skewer, parody, and just plain make fun of sad, frustrated and unhappy people. It’s almost as if, having so handily conquered the art of the three-minute song, Collingwood and Schlesinger need to spice things up by dissecting the innermost failings and delusions of the characters they bring to life. Take “Red Dragon Tattoo”. The guy can’t get a girl to notice him, so he decides to get an over-the-top tattoo: “Will you stop pretending I’ve never been born, now I look a little more like that guy from Korn?” Yes, it’s sad and pathetic. But there’s an even deeper layer of loserhood to be explored, indicated by a detail in the chorus: “Red dragon tattoo is just about on me / I got it for you so now don’t you want me?”  Just about on me? Aha. He puts all his hopes in a tattoo that he’s not only nervous about getting, but actually never gets. Every chorus is just a rehearsal of what he would say to her if he weren’t too afraid to actually be the tattooed guy he mistakenly thinks he needs to be.
He, too, takes refuge from the pain of loserdom by fantasizing some imaginary future—after they’ve met, after they’ve married, and after everything has worked out just beautifully. In light of this future, the present doesn’t look so bad. These “troubled times” are merely a stepping stone on the path to future bliss. Who’s to say, after all, that the voluptuous captain of the cheerleading squad won’t come to her senses and settle down with the bony, pimply guy she currently ignores in chemistry class—the guy who really loves her, even though he doesn’t have a black Camaro like that creep she’s going with now? Yes, there’s a real chance, he decides, that someday the two of them will put their beautiful kids to bed and settle down in front of the fire in the great room of their McMansion and reminisce about these troubled times. The Fountains don’t analyze this guy’s problems in so many words. But the few they use cut him up neatly at the joints: “It takes a lot of nerve to ask how she is doing / Start with a weak foundation, it will end in ruin”. Thus we descend, once again (it’s usually around the third verse), into the lower depths of loser hell. Here, our abject, hopeless loser has convinced himself that his inertia and paralysis are a good thing. It’s actually better to keep on waiting for the perfect moment to talk to her than to risk everything by blurting out the wrong thing at the wrong time, isn’t it? Yes, that’s right, waiting and doing nothing is in fact the responsible thing.  It happens again and again. The Fountains put various kinds of losers in the spotlight and drag all their pathetic shit out into the light. And as we shake our heads, these sad characters collapse in a heap and the CD player clicks to the next track. It’s painful to hear. And it’s not just loser guys. “Lost in Space” is about “that girl” who’s really cute but incomprehensible because “she’s lost in space”. And the date in “I’ll Do the Driving Next Time”?
For a guy who reads the New York Times Book Review, the woman is an embarrassment: “The moment I saw her was something I found alarming / That certain nothing behind her eyes.” Collingwood’s liner notes read, “I don’t know what I was thinking. This song pissed off my wife so much, I wish I’d never done it.” I’d have to agree: A song about a person’s utter stupidity cannot but leave the impression that the singer is finding satisfaction and delight in feeling superior and taking control (and the wheel) from an inferior. Nobody can deny that about half the band’s songs fall somewhere between a freak show and a public execution. Let’s get specific. Consider “Laser Show”, which puts the spotlight on suburban teenagers taking a road trip to “watch the stars—Justin, James, and Kirk and Lars” at the Hayden Planetarium. They “cross the galaxy” and then “head back home on the L.I.E.” (the Long Island Expressway, for you non-New Yorkers). Or consider the Woodstock leftovers in “Peace and Love”, which, it turns out, are the only two things on their mind: “That’s all I’m thinking of baby / Peace and love”. (But they do have some big cosmic plans: “Sometimes I think I might just move up to Vermont / Open a bookstore or a vegan restaurant”.)  The Fountains’ songwriting style has two basic features: 1. The singer invariably talks down to his subjects by presuming to know more about them than they know themselves (in “Peace and Love” we know how hollow and mundane the hippies’ cosmic aspirations are, but they don’t), and 2. these putdowns and verbal knife tosses require us to buy into the stereotypes that make the songs go. In the world according to the Fountains, every guy and girl with long hair “riding around in a Volkswagen van” is mindlessly chanting “peace and love” and “staring at the stars in a distant galaxy”. Every metalhead is just too stoned or unimaginative to connect the letters L, I, and E to the artifice of those awesome-dude laser shows. We see the Camaro shoot down the highway under the L.I.E. sign, but these kids are too spaced out to get the joke (which is, of course, on them). But maybe the joke is on the Fountains of Wayne. There is, after all, another LIE in play here—all these stereotypes that almost always turn out to be false. Go out and get to know any particular hippie or biker or blonde worth writing a song about and you’ll find that, in fact, they are not so cosmic, so butch, or so dumb. Thus, all of the Fountains’ shimmering harmonies and spot-on arrangements decorate incoherent, contradictory songs. They may begin with interesting, odd and unique details that pull us in, but then they switch lanes and head invariably (and, artistically speaking, inexplicably) for the stereotypes that don’t illuminate them so much as smother them. Ironically, it may be the Fountains who are heading for a musical ditch. Despite all their talent and creativity, the band may become nothing more than a footnote in pop-music history. Name one great, memorable song from the history of pop music that introduces us to some odd or quirky character and goes on to put them down or make fun of them by saddling them with all the baggage of some contemporary stereotype. There are none because pop music is (hello) popular. It’s about people: The bikers, hippies, accountants and all the rest of us who like to turn on the radio and enjoy music. That’s why peace, and love and understanding are not funny. That’s why even the losers get lucky sometimes. That’s why nowhere man is actually more than a bit like you and me. The Fountains of Wayne website says the band is working on a new album. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that we’ve seen the end of the loser parade. If not, they need to make some adjustments. Maybe they should take in a few Flaming Lips shows and watch the dancing bunnies on stage. Frontman Wayne Coyne, a former fry cook at Long John Silver’s, has elevated non-elitist schtick to an art—one that celebrates odd people who do strange things (“I know a girl…”) without a hint of superiority or knowing sophistication. Perhaps the Fountains could join forces with the Lips and become a supergroup. Schlesinger and Collingwood could learn to write songs about all the stereotype-defying people that exist in the world, and they wouldn’t even need to change their name all that much. The Fountains of Wayne Coyne could be huge, and nobody would have to get hurt. Fountains of Wayne - Stacy's Mom 
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Comments
George, perhaps you’ve never heard of the words “irony” and “tongue in cheek”.
I’m hoping this article is a joke because I can’t believe someone would actually take the time to analyze FOW’s songs instead of just enjoying them for what they are.
Comment by Flopsy from U.S. — February 6, 2007 @ 11:01 am
Eh…. ya think you might be reading just a little too much into all of this? They’re clever songwriters, yes, but that doesn’t mean that there’s some half-hidden agenda gift-wrapped in pretty paper and pop-song structure that rails only against the common man, woman, or beast. Seems to me that most of their lyrics and such could be seen as more self-tormenting and self-directed than being outward bound missives against the teeming hordes that populate the country. I’ve been listening to ‘em for years and haven’t ever once thought of their tuneage as being mean-spirited at all. Hell, mostly there’s a big ol’ smile on my face when their music’s playing. The article had an interesting tint to it, unfortunately it reeks of over-analysis and ends up falling flat. While there are certainly geeks and losers inhabiting the confines of their songs, aren’t most of us, in our own unique way, geeks and losers going through life’s increasingly maddening cycle of more responsibility and less pleasure? An if we’re all geeks of some sort, doesn’t that also make Fountains Of Wayne geeks. too? In the end, if they’re making fun of us, then by default they’re making fun of themselves, too - which I believe I noted earlier in my post…
Comment by J.P. — February 6, 2007 @ 11:07 am
Um, excuse me: ‘“Laser Show”, which puts the spotlight on suburban teenagers taking a road trip to “watch the stars—Justin, James, and Kirk and Lars”’
It’s JASON, James, Kirk and Lars. Hellooooo! You don’t even know the members of Metallica?! If you get that wrong, you most likely got other details about their songs wrong as well.
And I agree with Flopsy. Get a clue, dude. Their music is fun and fresh. That not good enough for you?
Ironic, though, ‘cause *you’re* the loser, here, buddy.
Comment by FOW/Metallica Fan from California — February 6, 2007 @ 11:08 am
My take on the article:
I listen to Fountains of Wayne becuase they are intellectually stimulating. I find myself thinking things out when I listen to their music, which will ultimately bring me to a better understanding of the world. I see Fountains of Wayne being the Nietzschean Ubermensch in the world of pop music, consequently the band being in possession of a different and stronger cosmic consciousness than the majority of other songwriters. In a word, they are the best. The band’s lyrics are not to be taken as scornfully mocking of their subjects. Yet, the songs are to be taken as undeniable realities, explorations into the subjects’ lives. Fountains of Wayne is better than the rest at capturing these realities which they have observed from years of real-life experienced living. Certain emotions within the listener are provoked; empathy for the song’s subject being probably the most noted of those emotions. That being said, Adam and Chris capture realities within their songs and portray these realities of commonman to the listener who cannot help but empathize with the song’s subject becuase the listener has inevitably been there before. We have all sat in traffic, we have all waited endlessly for a phone call, we have all pined away the hours. If the song writers’ intentions come across as sardonic, it is only because of the portrayal of the undeniable reality of the subject. For Nietzsche, life is suffering, captured artistically by Fountains of Wayne.
*Actually, the order of the names in Laser Show are: James and Jason, Kirk and Lars.
Comment by Brian from World — February 6, 2007 @ 1:47 pm
Haven’t we all been that guy wanting to do something radical to impress the girl who’s clearly out of our league? Or been on a date we’ve been so excited about, only to discover that, errr… our date isn’t who we thought?
Is that mean-spirited? No, man. Just life.
Comment by Rip rap — February 6, 2007 @ 2:50 pm
First off, (and I say this as someone who has an above-average affection for FoW) anyone who’s favorite band is a semi-novelty act who’re only three records deep into their career is CLEARLY an idiot. That having been said, this whole crap article reads like a high school kid’s college entrance essay on tolerance. Would you like us to all hold hands and sing “Imagine” next? Ultimately, deconstrucing Fountains of Wayne songs is like applying semiotics to reruns of Hogan’s Heroes. Maybe it’s fun and makes you seem bright but there’s not a whole lot going on here. I don’t think any rational mind would accuse the guys responsible for such intellectual fare as “Stacy’s Mom” or “That Thing You Do!” as Joycean writers. That’s part of the appeal. It’s also, presumably, why they’re his favorite band: thinking about anything more complex than a Raspberries song would probably give this poor schlub an aneurysm. Hey, maybe next week you could write about the homosexual undertones in those old Smiths albums? But why am I so surprised at more barely readable drivel from one of the least insightful internet sites…
Comment by Seth — February 6, 2007 @ 3:42 pm
Jesus Seth. Your critique of the article could not have been any more scathing had you taken an iron and shoved it into the writers face. Chill the fuck out, dude. I know that you think that you are some kind of pop culture uber elitist, but I’ve got news for you. Rock music isn’t that deep. From the Smiths to Fountains of Wayne to Fall Out Boy. Most of us listen to music with lyrics because we can’t wrap our heads around a Handel Symphony or a 10 minute Ornette Coleman solo. So to come off like you understand pop music on a deeper level than anyone is one of the most preposterous things I have ever read. You may have better tastes than most people, but don’t take it too much further than that. And secondly, Adam Schlesinger wrote “That Thing You Do,” not Fountains of Wayne.
In terms of the article, while I do think that it made some good points, I have to agree with rip-rap. I think that part of the reason that Fountains of Wayne have some lyrics that mock their subjects is because they are insanely jealous of them or lust after them desperately. They are the outcast’s pop band. I think that that is why I love them. Oh, and the fact that they write some of the most insanely catchy hooks and melodies around.
Lastly, I share the authors fear that Fountains of Wayne will become a footnote in pop history, if only because I’m almost positive that “Stacey’s Mom” will be the only thing that most people outside of music nerds such as ourselves will remember them for.
Comment by Evan from Barcelona — February 6, 2007 @ 4:23 pm
Very strange article. First, I agree with others that deep analysis of FOW is misplaced. Second, I find it interesting that the article starts with a reference to Robbie Fulks because Fulks actually IS mean. I direct the unitiated to “Papa Was A Stell Headed Man,” “God Isn’t Real,” and “She Took A Lot of Pills And Died.” Talk about an author without sympathy for his characters.
As for the claim that FOW is mean, it is utterly unfounded. Let’s take interstate, for example:
1. Mexican Wine - Your typical first-person narrative about a guy who drops out of society and is okay with. Perhaps the guy’s a loser, perhaps just an underachiever. Either way, he seems okay with it. Verdict: Not mean.
2. Bright Future In Sales - Fairly apt description of sales guy who parties too much. Anyone who has had contact with low leverl sales representatives from big companies knows this guy. Written in first person. The guy claims he’s gonna get his shit together but the guess is he’s not. Who know, though, self-awareness is a first step. Hard to tell whether the singer is rooting for success or failure. That’s the beauty, of course, of the first person narrative. The author and the narrator are not the same person. Verdict: Realistic, but not mean.
3. Stacy’s Mom - High school boy long’s for his classmate’s mom. Definitely tounge-in-cheek. The guy may be deluded into thinking that he’d be better off with a mature woman. Then again, what high schooler hasn’t figured that older women will understand him better than the childish girls that blow him off? Verdict: Funny but not mean.
4. Hackensack - First person song about local guy pining for movie star who made it big. As with all fiction, the particulars are probably more extreme than reality, but this song touches a true human emotion. Anyone to have lived long enough to look back on a time when life did not seem to be set-in-stone and without possibility for exicement will immediately recognize the longing tone of the song and knowing delusions of its narrator. Verdict: Sad, perhaps. Real, perhaps. But not mean. Mean would include a verse in which somebody finds out the guy thinks she’s coming back to hang with him and makes fun of him for it.
5. No Better Place - Your typical “she’s leaving me and wish she wouldn’t and I’ll drink and sing about it” song. If it is mean to sing about such things that over 50% of the pop cannon is mean. Verdict: Not mean.
6. Valley Winter Song - Very sweet, bordering on sentimental. Sounds like a Simon and Garfunkel outtake. Verdict: Not mean. In fact, it is so not mean that FOW should be allowed a free mean song to counteract it.
7. All Kinds of Time - Manages to make the travails of a rookie NFL quarterback seem poignant. Strange fodder for a pop song but hardly mean. Verdict: Not mean.
8. Little Red Light - Mentioned in the article but, curiously, it is never explained why the song is considered mean. I cannot fathom such an explanation. It’s your basic pop dittie about a guy whose all torn up cause his girl has left him. See No. 5. Verdict: Not mean.
9. Hey Julie - Song about a guy who hates his job but loves his girl. I always thought of it as the secret theme song to “the Office.” Like so many, the guy sticks it out because it’s a living and because he’s got Julie to go home to at night. Verdit: Far from mean. Actually quite nice. We should all have a Julie to go home to (don’t tell my wife I said that).
10. Halley’s Waitress - Just a funny song about an inattentive waitress. I find the connection between a waitress who fails to refill the coffee and a comet that comes around every 100 years or so to be a stretch but it’s hardly means. Another in a long line of FOW songs about people who aren’t into their job and are doing it for the paycheck so they can another kind of life (in their head or in some future place). Verdict: Not mean.
11. Hung Up On You - Another love song by a guy whose girl has left him. This one is done in the country form and is consistent thematically with so many songs from that genre. I guess all those songs are mean too. Verdict: Not mean.
12. Fire Island - Kids having fun when their parents are away. Makes me long for the kind of life I didn’t have when I was in high school. Verdict: Not mean.
13. Peace and Love - I know the author hits this one pretty hard but I cannot figure out why. The lyrics are a first-person description of the sort of existential, you cannot control things might as well live the best life you can attitude that, frankly is hard to critisize too much. It’s certainly harmless and if you build your life so that you can avoid the practicalities of modern living, more power to you. I just don’t see FOW as criticizing the lifestyle. Perhaps the author of the article doesn’t like those kind of people and is projecting. Verdict: Not mean, unless you want it to be, which apparently the author does.
14. Bought For A Song - Not sure what this one’s about, to be honest. Probably some sort of music industry rant, what with the title and the travelogue lyrics. Verdict: Perhaps it is mean, but it is not clear how.
15. Supercollider - Youth culture song about kids breaking rules and having fun. Some olds guys might criticize it as not being judgmental enough of such bad behavior as bong hits and drinking and driving. Verdict: Irresponsible, but not mean.
16. Yours and Mine - A pean to couplehood. If their were a third verse about how one spouse stifled the aspirations of the other, it might be mean, but version didn’t include that verse. Verdict: Not mean.
I could probably go on to the other records, but what’s the point. The article is wrong on its face. Apologize re the typos and amatuer song interpretations. I just think that article is way off base.
Comment by Dan from California — February 6, 2007 @ 6:53 pm
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