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It’s happened again. Another one bites the dust. In the footsteps of such famous fizzlers as Guillermo Del Toro’s In the Mountains of Madness, Robert Zemeckis’ motion capture Yellow Submarine, and Ron Howard’s overly ambitious Dark Tower titles, follows the Johnny Depp starring, Gore Verbinski directed and Jerry Bruckheimer produced reboot of The Lone Ranger. Citing astronomical production costs ($250 million budget…really???) and a weak market for such material (read: the underperforming Cowboys and Aliens), the House of Mouse has bailed on one of its more ballyhooed future projects.
What makes this decision even more shocking is that two thirds of that previously mentioned creative team has just pushed the pathetically mediocre Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides over the $1 billion mark internationally. Even more amazingly, the threesome jump started Disney’s current Summer Movie relevance with the whole Captain Jack Sparrow thing. You’d figure the company would be grateful. After all, without those bawdy buccaneers, Mickey’s men would be stuck with The Haunted Mansion, The Country Bears, and The Sorcerer’s Apprentice as examples of their source to screen acumen.
Of course, Walt owes nothing to the famed Wild West hero, and with Depp penciled in as a Native American, one can already see the problems playing out. Granted, the star claims a percentage of Cherokee in his heritage, but with the constant pressure from PC thugs, one could easily envision a firestorm brewing. Similarly, the actor cast as the classic character (Armie Hammer) is not a well known star. As a matter of fact, without David Fincher’s bravura double work on The Social Network, few might have recognized this pretty boy Winklevi. Now, it all stops. Disney will not be allowing a hearty “Hi Ho, Silver!” to be shouted from a cactus studded prairie, nor will fans of the masked avenger be able to see a sensible contemporary uptake.
The last time Hollywood tried to reinvent the Lone Ranger, the results were disastrous. In 1981, complete unknowns Klinton Spilsbury and Michael Horse were cast as our hero and his sworn sidekick Tonto. Then, to make matters worse, a cinematographer turned slight director - William A. Fraker - was give the job of bringing the waning warhorse back to life. In the meantime, reigning celebrity Ranger Clayton Moore was unceremoniously stripped of his ability to dress like the character for appearances and conventions. The resulting PR nightmare saw the old school lovers of the franchise faulting cluelessness newcomers, with Moore making the talk show rounds to condemn the about the be released update.
It didn’t matter, really. The Legend of the Lone Ranger remains an awful movie, a certified flop that no amount of Internet backwards glancing can revitalize. Spilsbury was so stiff as the lead that his dialogue had to be re-recorded by James Keach. Legend was his first - and last - film role. For his part, Horse brought a lot of dignity to Tonto, and the script showed him as more of a mentor to the Lone Ranger than a random companion. He would go on to make a real impression as Deputy Hawk on David Lynch’s groundbreaking TV series Twin Peaks. With supporting roles filled out by such known quantities as Christopher Lloyd, Jason Robards, and Richard Farnsworth, what should have been a welcomed return was, instead, seen as a final nail in the coffin. It wasn’t until 20 years later, in 2003, when the WB tried to base a series around the character via a TV movie. It failed as well.
Perhaps Disney felt a bit of flopsweat, what with Favreau’s failure still stinking up the box office. Maybe it missed the memo that said Westerns only work when they are serious (see: the Coens’ True Grit remake, Ed Harris’ Appaloosa) and not part of some action adventure ideal. It could be that the risk, apparently realistic at first, failed to fully flower once a cold hard look at the potential returns was had. Or maybe the House of Mouse just took one last glance over the entire package - from participants to massive multimillion dollar bottom line - and decided to dodge the red ink.
Aside from ditching Depp, which could come back to bite Disney in the Pirates 5 possibilities, it’s a win-win for the company. Firstly, they don’t have to finance a $250 million gamble. That’s more money for other mindless, more calculated fare (Beverly Hills Chihuahua 3, anyone?). Even better, the company doesn’t then have to spend additional umpteen millions more trying to convince the public that The Ranger is a viable 2012 icon. Considering his complete and utter lack of modern buzz or name recognition, a lack of cultural cache, it would take a lot of branding to bring him back to the fore. With Walt’s world in support, that was clearly possible, and no one is better at beating the publicity bushes than Depp. Still, something about the prospect caused Tinseltown to blink. Now, we have yet another high profile non-project to consider and contemplate.
The lingering question remains - why threaten and promise? Why go for far as to court genre websites, hire actors, announce release dates…and then say, “Sorry.” It makes no sense, especially when you consider the quality of the ideas being halted. For what it’s worth, a 3D Yellow Submarine rendered in psychedelic CG sounds great. So does Mountains and Dark Tower (all involvement of the awful Akiva Goldsman aside). Of the recently rejected, The Lone Ranger is the most specious - and yet it comes with the most compelling pedigree. No one thought the first Pirates would be anything remotely acceptable. Now, it’s seen as one of the greatest ocean-going popcorn epics of all time. Perhaps this recast cowboy could beat the odds. Unfortunately, after getting so close, we may now never know.
