5 - 1
Oh brother. Another found footage film purporting to be “the truth” behind demonic possession. This time around, a young woman whose mother is held captive in a Vatican insane asylum grabs a cameraman and decides to play homemade detective. What she discovers is a secret cabal against exorcism…and two practicing priests who will show her the truth. Then they decide to ‘rescue’ mom. What we wind up with is silly shaky-cam chaos followed by one or two scenes of scary movie mandates. Believe it or not, this was worse than The Last Exorcism, if that’s possible.
That’s right, another horror film. And we’re huge fright flick fans. Here, we get a haunting, an economic downturn Poltergeist setting, and a lead couple who put a whole new spin on the term “uninteresting”. Apparently, a séance inspired experiment leads to the opening of a portal to another spiritual dimension. After that, angry specters decide that a vet tech and her pouting boy toy deserve to have some things go bump in the night. Add in an overdose of Paranormal Activity inaction and the unnecessary presence of Draco Malfoy, and you’ve got the standard end of summer supernatural slop.
Okay, so this Eddie Murphy affront has been languishing on the shelf for a while (it was made back in 2008), which means no one but the clause in his contract had faith in a full blown theatrical release. The biggest mistake here is taking the comic’s rapid fire voice away, turning him into a major league mugging machine for nearly 90 minutes. Even the sledge-hammered lessons about appreciating life and watching one’s words gets lost in endless homages to Mantan Moreland. While it can’t possibly have considered itself racist, the end result is more trial than Tyler Perry.
It’s time for yet another summer scary movie atrocity, with this one losing out on a higher placement because of its desire to milk a familiar if atmospheric chapter in world ecological disaster history in order to hide its lack of actual horrors. We get a group of tourists visiting the ghost town that resulted after the famed nuclear reactor meltdown. Apparently, some scientists are tracking the growing mutant population nearby, and when some of them get out, it’s time to go slasher on our unsuspecting victim fodder. Aside from a few shocks, there’s no dread. Just something dreadful.
We warned you. We said this would be the most dangerous movie released in 2012, and you scoffed at the sheer chutzpah of the comment… and then this happened. And then this. And this. You see, no matter the fictionalized approach or homage to teen comedies past, a movie that lays out the very foundation of how to have an illegal rave and basically get away with it is bound to inspire some imitators. That the studio and the movie’s makers have yet to be sued is confusing, though it’s only a matter of time before someone drops the legal bombshell. Besides, the film was terrible, an indulgent bit of stupidity that clearly sent the wrong message.