If pictures say 1,000 words than Owl’s promo photo, which accompanies their new self-titled album, says more than you need to know about these progressive alternative rockers. The photo—painfully staged, heavily airbrushed, thoroughly cropped, and altogether ostentatious—depicts a trio of musicians who are far too concerned with fitting a sleek, well defined social definition of “cool” than making anything that might resemble noteworthy music.

I’d like to dive into the myriad of reason why Owl is such alt-rock overkill and god-awful, but I need to take a moment and wonder why I requested to review this album (did I expect a new record from the Owls, or Jade Tree alums Owls). Anyways, outside of the un-ironic ‘90s throwback guitar crunches the bands most egregious sin is its high-school-poem-worthy lyrics: “the vision is dead, cause it eats your head / this product gets sold, and it’s getting old.”

I’m searching for something positive to say about this band, really I am, and I guess if anyone is looking to cast a Alice in Chains rip-off to star in an indie flick about washed-up grunge rockers they’d be a perfect trio for the gig. Other than that, this band is destined to become another one of the antiquated products they claim to preach against in their lyrics.