The Illustrious 2009 American Music Awards (video)

by Tyler Gould

23 November 2009

 

The American Music Awards were last night, giving the most popular acts in the country and the suits that made them a venue on which to stage their feverish masturbations. Some highlights: Adam Lambert fell down in between violent simulations of oral sex, J-Lo fell off of a pile of dancers, and Taylor Swift beat out Daughtry and Jason Mraz to win Favorite Adult Contemporary Artist for an album that is 90% about high school, which reeks of manipulation, as if winning five awards focus grouped better than winning four. Scandal at the AMAs! She’s great, suits. Fearless is a beast of a pop album. She doesn’t need the help. What an outrage! If you had any doubts about rampant crimes against humanity at this event, I present this indisputable evidence: the Black Eyed Peas won something.

Michael Jackson was the big winner of the night, taking four AMAs to the big Neverland Ranch in the sky and finally getting some respect for his all-too underappreciated career.

Rihanna’s great, though:

Rihanna - “Wait Your Turn” and “Hard”

More performances after the jump:
  
Lady Gaga - “Bad Romance” and “Speechless”

Eminem - “Crack the Bottle”

Jay-Z - “Empire State of Mind”

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