I have always been puzzled by the concept of Go-Gurt, yogurt that you squeeze into your mouth out of a tube. It seems sort of lewd. I don’t know if I could look the cashier in the eye if I bought some.
As if the phallicism weren’t salacious enough, Go-Gurt has a flavor called Bikini Bottom Berry. Who is doing their branding? Al Goldstein? Presumably this “flavor” has something to do with Sponge Bob, and if I had children I would understand that the idea of eating Bikini Bottoms is not dirty or scatological but cute. Still, it makes me want to break out Three Essays on the Theory of Sexuality and get to the bottom of it.
A few decades ago, a product like Go-Gurt would probably have been advertised as space-age, a product that lets kids emulate the astronauts, like Tang (another oddly named product, come to think of it—perhaps the sexual promise of adulthood is being encoded/coopted in cheeky brand names). But it doesn’t seem like too many products are sold to kids through heroic images of adulthood anymore. Now we all learn to want adolescence to last forever.
// Short Ends and Leader
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