Don’t Open That Door! #2: ‘Bride of the Gorilla’ (1951)

Alternative titles: Monkey Business; Queen of Kong

POSITIVES:

Hey, there’s a gorilla!

Solid performances, especially from Gisela Werbisek

Cool ambiguity as to whether transformation is “real” or only in the character’s head (see photo below)

NEGATIVES:

Uh-oh, there’s a gorilla…

Glimpses of man-ape monster are fleeting indeed

Ambiguity isn’t as cool as extensive scenes of blood-slurping man-monster on the rampage would have been

SYNOPSIS: Bodacious blonde Dina van Gelder is married to elderly, unsatisfying Klaas van Gelder and tucked away in a remote rubber plantation somewhere in the Amazon. (Hmm, “Gelder” sounds a lot like “gelding,” meaning “one who’s been castrated.”) Dina is bored and sweaty in the jungle and gets easily distracted by things like Klaas’s foreman, Barney, who is doing his best to create an love triangle of Amazonian proportions. (Hmm, “Barney” sounds a lot like “Barney,” meaning “purple dinosaur who loves children.”) What he doesn’t realize is that friendly Dr Viet also has a burning (though Platonic, we think) love for Dina—making this love triangle into a love quadrangle—while svelte serving girl Larina is hot for Barney. So it’s actually a love quintangle. (Quintangle, indeed.) Everybody keeping up? Spooky jungle-witch woman Al-long occupies herself by keeping an eye on things, which is probably just as well, seeing as how there’s all this drama and nobody’s even turned into a gorilla yet.

But wait! It’s only a matter of time, and not much time at that, before studly Barney and geriatric Klaas face off: next thing you know, Klaas is wrestling with a poisonous viper, and losing. This is great news for Barney, who can now get busy with Dina, much to the dismay of Larina and Dr Viet. Al-long is none too happy either, and takes to muttering under her breath in a thick Hungarian accent throughout the wedding. Whose wedding? Why, Dina’s and Barney’s of course. Yet despite all this soap opera and character “development,” nobody’s turned into a gorilla yet.

That changes quite soon, however, as the effect of Al-long’s muttering becomes apparent, and the barrel-chested Barney—never too many steps away from his hairy ancestors to start with—begins reverting at regular intervals to the large, furry primate mentioned in the title. (Not the Bride, wiseguy, the Gorilla.) Or does he? Are these transformations merely in his head, or are they visible to outsiders? The movie offers tantalizing if contradictory evidence. Anyway, even when he’s not a gorilla, Barney spends a lot of time staring into the middle distance and rhapsodizing about how the jungle is calling him. Dina finds this troubling, as would any sensible woman on her honeymoon. (Usually this behavior doesn’t start until middle age.) But Dina gets a lot more troubled when she follows her hubby out into the woods at night. Carrying a gun, no less.

Best line of dialogue: “White people shouldn’t live too long in the jungle.”

What gets permanently monkeyed with: A plantation owner; a few jungle animals and some livestock (by report); another plantation-owner-by-inheritance; yet another, younger, plantation-owner-by-marriage.

This reminds me of… …Other ape movies, including of course King Kong and Son of Kong (both 1933), plus The Ape (1940), The Ape Man (1943), White Pongo (1945), Mighty Joe Young (1949—giant ape in Hollywood), Konga (1961—giant ape in London), King Kong vs Godzilla (1963—giant ape in Tokyo), Queen Kong (1976—giant she-ape in London), A*P*E (1976—giant ape in Seoul), King of Kong Island (1978), Peter Jackson’s Kong remake (2005—giant CGI ape in Manhattan) and countless others.

Moral of the story: “Till death do us part” means exactly that.

Literary tie-in: James Lever’s 2010 novel Me Cheeta is a hilarious pseudo-autobiography of the chipanzee companion of Johnny Weissmuller in the various Tarzan moies. It’s well worth a look.

Somehow their careers survived: Barbara Payton (Dina) would star in sci-fi romantic thriller Four-Sided Triangle (1953), while Raymond Burr (Barney)’s much longer career would include stints in TV’s Perry Mason (1957-66 and 1985-1993) and Ironside (1967-1975). Tom Conway (Dr Viet) would have roles in The She-Creature (1959) and The Atomic Submarine (1959), while Paul Cavanagh (Klaas) would appear in Port Sinister (1953) and She Devil (1957). Lon Chaney (Taro), already famous for The Wolf Man (1941), would go on to glory in Indestructible Man (1956), The Cyclops (1957), and The Alligator People (1959). Slovakian-born Gisela Werbisek (Al-long) started her career in 1918’s Hunagrian silent Jobbra en, balra te; later she landed small parts in The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1939) with Charles Laughton, and The Hairy Ape (1944).

BOTTOM LINE: A bit heavy on the soap opera, but goofily fun.

Next week: Missile to the Moon (1959)