At the Bottom of the Uncanny Valley, Volume 1

Gordon Ramsay

by Mike Schiller

11 July 2008


Hey, didja know there’s a Wii version of Hell’s Kitchen coming out this year?  It’ll even have a virtual Gordon Ramsay berating you after every misstep (though the unfortunate ‘T’ rating ensures that Ramsay will be a bit toned down from his TV self; I don’t think you can tell someone to “f(beep) off” and keep a ‘T’ rating…unless, of course, Ubisoft decides to fix this by inserting an audible beep where the “uck” would be, in keeping with the TV show, which would actually make me unnaturally happy.

That said…who else thinks Gordon’s devilish (ha) good looks have kind of gone down the drain in his video game rendering?  He looks a little bit more like a clean-cut Nick Nolte (with oddly wavy hair) than himself in this screen, and while his mouth is contorted in rage, his eyes scream indifference.  Also, his right cheek is in danger of falling off his face.  That’d be a nasty surprise in a plate of risotto.

Still, I have to play this game, if only for the fact that I keep dreaming up features like character customization, implemented for the sole purpose of hearing virualRamsay shout inappropriate things like “what’s wrong? Can the munchkin not reach the pot of boiling f(beep)ng water?!”

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