Viewer Discretion Advised: 02 June, 2007

By
/ 31 May 2007

Don’t you hate the feeling? That dull, throbbing pain in your cinematic proclivities provided by what can best be described as a popcorn movie hangover. So far, the month of May has given us a trio of tre-quels, and another look at some very British non-zombies. It was the entertainment equivalent of binge drinking. As June begins busting out all over, the theatrical choices are becoming a little less bombastic – and if you’re not already in line to see Judd Apatow’s brilliant Knocked Up, there is something really wrong with you. The pay cable channels, on the other hand, are weeding through the remainder of last year’s lesser offerings. For anyone whose seen the ads, Cinemax and HBO are promising a big fat blockbuster couple of months. Too bad they choose to avoid that approach this week. Similarly, Starz has been on a roll of sorts the last few Saturdays. This time though, the sacrilege hits the fan. We here at SE&L are still going to suggest it, even though it represents the worst of Tinsel Town’s thriller tendencies. You have been warned:

Premiere Pick

The Da Vinci Code

Buried inside Dan Brown’s purposefully provocative premise is actually a pretty strong story idea. After all, the Church has been a notorious secret keeper for eons, and to think it would resort to violence to protect the fact of Jesus’ secular reality is not so incredibly far fetched. But then he had to go and muck it all up by turning the entire tale into one big oversized cryptogram with way too many loose ends and obvious clues. All director Ron Howard did was emphasize the sloppy code busting. In addition, Tom Hanks is horribly miscast, unable to loose his average Joe vibe to play a dorkwad Harvard scholar. Toss in the lack of legitimate surprise (the media had long ruined Brown’s chartbuster hook), some scenes of incredibly ponderous exposition, and you’ve got a massive mainstream hit that plays like a lame History Channel reenactment. (02 June, Starz, 9PM EST)

Additional Choices

John Tucker Must Die

The teen comedy has suffered significantly over the last few decades. Basically, the kind of material masquerading as coming of age fodder has been usurped by sitcoms and cable cartoon shows. While the premise of this relationship/revenge spoof sounds novel, it ends up derivative and dopey – sort of like your typical high school student, right? No amount of ‘you go girl power’ can save this sloppy satire. (02 June, HBO, 8PM EST)

Accepted

It must be matriculation night over at the HBO/Cinemax studios. When it was released last August, many felt this college jokefest could be a modern day Animal House. It ended up being another unappetizing installment of the overly ironic post-millennial excuse for a laugh-a-thon. While the notion of a student run school for partying is not a new one, the PG-13 rating which reduced every gag to something tepid and tame is. (02 June, Cinemax, 10PM EST)

Strangers with Candy

Before her position was usurped by Sarah Silverman, Amy Sedaris was the go-to gal for confrontational wit and wisdom. Perhaps that’s why this big screen makeover of her Comedy Central hit felt so desperate and dated. It was just so 1997. Hyped as the second coming of funny, it flopped so massively at the box office that even die-hard fans couldn’t find a screening. Thanks to endless repeats on cable, they should now have no such viewing problems. Let the reconsideration commence. (02 June, ShowTOO, 10:30PM EST)

Indie Pick

Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life

Before the death of founding member Graham Chapman, the members of Britain’s undeniably brilliant sketch comedy company delivered their final motion picture masterwork – a vignette oriented comic cornucopia on the purpose of existence. While many found the film too fractured and fragmented, it plays today like a strong litany of lessons lifted directly from humanity’s metaphysical playbook. Taking on birth, war, death, and dismemberment, along with a collection of musical numbers that each rival Oliver! in their “I’m All Right Jack” Englishness, the troupe fashioned a seminal work of cinematic comedy that few, if any, could ever dare match. Sadly, it would be their final group effort, but it continues to argue for the talented men’s position as kings of skewering satire. (07 June, Sundance Channel, 7PM EST)

Additional Choices

Kinsey

Overlooked when it arrived in theaters, Bill Condon’s witty exposé remains a work of quiet genius. Well past due for a big screen biopic, the story of America’s preeminent sex researcher was watered down a little for mainstream consumption (meaning a limited glance at the subject’s rumored festishes and bi-sexuality). But the wonderful performances by Liam Neeson and Laura Linney more than compensate. (02 June, IFC, 9PM EST)

Fried Green Tomatoes

Fannie Flagg was, at one time, the hillbilly Harlequin romancer, a novelist using standard sentimentality of the chick flick as a basis for her country cousin yucks. This story of female empowerment and under-ripe love apples stands as her most popular paean to gals abandoning men in favor of their own overriding womanliness. Thanks to marvelous turns by the entire cast and a nice feel of nostalgia, it remains a well loved lament. (05 June, Sundance Channel, 6:45PM EST)

The Sleeping Dictionary

Before she became a full blown erotic eye candy pin up, Jessica Alba actually attempted to be an actress. Proof is this unusual 2003 drama in which the future male fantasy fodder played the title character, a native girl used by turn of the century British bureaucrats to learn the language and customs of their colonies. While not perfect, it remains a lovely movie overflowing with stunning vistas and fine performances. (05 June, IFC, 10:45PM EST)

Outsider Option

Head

If the Monkees were indeed the exact artistic opposite of the Beatles, then it makes perfect sense that the Prefab Four would create a film diametrically opposed to the Liverpool boys’ own joyful saccharine romps. Head is hard to decipher at first, a social commentary without anything new or significant to say, a work of warped brilliance bathed in a slack self-effacing paradox that wouldn’t be popular for another 25 years. At its heart, thought, it remains a fascinating deconstruction of the entire Monkees myth, from the lighthearted screwball slapstick of their hit TV show to the notorious disposability of their music. It remains a movie so ahead of its time that it’s still waiting for said era to arrive. This is a brave pick for TCM’s Underground, especially when you consider that they’ve been bringing us reruns and bottom of the barrel b-movies for quite a while now. (01 June, TCM Underground, 2AM EST)

Additional Choices

Grand Canyon

Back before he fell from cinematic grace, Lawrence Kasdan delivered this Crash like take on life in early ‘90s Los Angeles, and critics couldn’t’ get enough. While clearly loaded with more social observations than story (the characters here do love their long conversations), the writer/director’s intelligent insights really drive the drama. Add in some pitch perfect performances and you have one of the era’s best. (02 June, Indieplex, 9PM EST)

Satan’s Cheerleaders

Like every great grindhouse classic, this movie has a better title than truth. A Satanic janitor looking for virgin meat to sacrifice gets the local pep squad in Dutch with his fellow Devil devotees. Unfortunately, the jokes on him, in mores ways than one. Featuring a completely out of place Yvonne DeCarlo and a classic John Ireland, the drive-in once delighted in such dementia. Now you can too. (02 June, Drive In Classics, Canada, 9PM EST)

Mean Girls

Quick – when someone says dirty drunken slut, what’s the first two words that come to mind? If you said Lindsay Lohan, you deserve a double martini and a pair of crotchless panties. If, on the other hand, you named anyone else, then you might want to check out the cable channel premiere of the former ingénue’s mainstream comedy hit. There’s enough wit here to almost make you forget a certain actresses antics. ALMOST. (07 June, TNT, 8PM EST)
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