The Beets: Spit in the Face of People Who Don’t Want to Be Cool

This certainly isn’t the band cartoon character Doug was obsessed with. The description on the label’s website describes them in an unsettlingly accurate way: “sounds like a group of drunk, possibly retarded 12 year olds”.

The recording itself is meager and anemic, as if they recorded themselves down a really long hallway. The extremely lo-fi sound is pretty basic, with minimal accompaniment. The tinny and hollow sound is pretty annoying, but somewhat masks the sloppy and repetitive songwriting. With all the modern day recording tools out there today, it doesn’t make sense to make a record with such little attention. If one could actually decipher the lyrics (good luck), the tunes could perhaps be fun drinking songs.

Of course, there is always the idea that the band knows and embraces all of the above. Perhaps there is beauty in songs like “I Wish I Knew How My Life Should Be”, which have the guitar, bass, and vocals all playing (or singing) the same part in unison. If any of the aforementioned intrigues, perhaps the best idea would be to try to make your own record with your buddies this weekend. You’ll probably do a better job.