Candy Ass: Orgy

At first, it looks like Candy Ass is an all female group because they’ve hidden their boy drummer, Eric Cock, on the inside of the jacket. He’s last in the individual mug shots that the members of Candy Ass pose for, camping it up. With lots of skin and make-up (except for Eric), Candy Ass seems to take up the sexploitation “bad girls” schtick superbly. As Candy Ass front woman Galadriel proclaims in the band’s press kit, “Our look is tough sluts” and “You don’t know if we’re going to fuck you or fuck you up.”

Originating in New York City, Candy Ass was formed in 1998 and has since moved to Hollywood. They’ve appeared on Howard Stern’s radio show (naked, apparently) and as guests on MTV’s Rocks Off! Candy Ass is Galadriel Masterson (lead vocals), Hopey Rock (guitar, vocals), Siani Pop (bass, vocals), and Eric Cock (drums).

Orgy, the group’s debut on R.A.F.R. Records, consists of six songs that cover topics like stealing another girl’s boyfriend and being popular. “Better Than You” flirts with sexuality due to the vague gender of the speaker, but the rest of the songs are filled with such tired lyrics as “Bullets bounce off / Love sticks like glue” and “I can’t live without you but I hope you die.” According to their lyrics, these women use their “feminine wiles” to get what they want in the classic film noir style that typically ends with the “bad woman” getting killed off or tamed and married off. Take a line from “Brenda’s Boyfriend,” for example: “I do the warden a real sweet favor / I get out on good behavior.” The track “Popular Girls” seems to be a sarcastic look at popularity, but the lyrics fit the Candy Ass schtick better if it’s not. The music is tight, though, and includes the good and expected hand claps and Oh, Oh, Oh’s for their image. However, the musical style of each track really varies, so it’s hard to get a handle on the group’s sound. Sassy, sticking-out-your-tongue, spoiled-brat-tough punk rock melodies are spliced awkwardly with classic L7 guitar riffs. Bratty punk just doesn’t mix smoothly with chunks of rock here.

In their press kit, Hopey Rock writes: “I dream of driving around in a convertible hot rod car — real shinny, crusin’ w/ my wife eating my pussy @ 120 mph.” Queer and out? Interesting, given the band’s image. Galadriel Masterson writes: “As soon as I started this band, we knew that we were going to be an image band and totally exploit our tits and our asses and girly personalities.” You figure it out, but if you like the schtick, get the CD.