Those Peabodys: Unite Tonight

“File under: ‘Rock and roll like it’s supposed to be, not like it is’,” reads Those Peabodys’ press release. Needless to say, with such a brash proclamation comes the sharpening of my doubtful critical scalpel — especially when this certain Texas foursome pinpoints the Cars and Cheap Trick as influences. Although Unite Tonight, Those Peabodys’ latest pop-slathered rock release, doesn’t fail miserably; it does recall those miserable times of ’80s power-pop and fails to instigate the rock ‘n’ roll rescue attempt they repeatedly rally for.

Cinching their sound firmly around their dual Les Paul guitars, Unite Tonight is taut with clunky power-chords that stabilize and ultimately weigh the album down with consistency. Although that’s undeniably a positive quality to possess, it also proves to be a paradox. Those Peabodys attempt to conjure the abrasive sonic ghosts of Unwound and Mudhoney, but those bands thrived on rock spontaneity and rash impulsiveness — anything but the consistent monotony that plagues this outfit’s second effort. So Unite Tonight is stuck between the abysmal gap of gloss and gruffness, caught between the median of pop predictability and rock spontaneity. And in the rough-hewn rock world Those Peabodys aspire to join, that’s a locale you don’t want to be.

Despite Unite Tonight essentially being the futile, prepubescent sonic stepsibling of Rye Coalition, Those Peabodys do rile commendable energy via their composite of stadium-catered power-pop and drunk-on-attitude rock ‘n’ roll. “All My Friends Are Good Lookin'” introduces the album with a clumsy tune that is endearing in its awkward lyrics, elementary snare bleating, and overwrought guitar theatrics. However, the quartet cement their entire shtick into the canon of rock prematurely as that opening track reveals too much of itself much too early leaving the listener bored by the onset of the second track. Again, the fault is Those Peabodys’ fatal curse: boring, unexciting, tame, predictable regularity. But at least it’s consistent.

If you’ve bought into the hype and hipster-dom that ascends mediocre nostalgia acts to the meteoric heights of rock revolutionaries, Unite Tonight stands as an album that fits snuggly under the same pop-rock agenda. The problem Those Peabodys encounter is sprawling the same crunchy power-chords, the same fret board finger dancing solos and the same jagged pop vocals into every moment of their sophomore effort. Each track is nothing but jaded cut-and-paste simplicity where reinvention is lacking on their age old take on rock ‘n’ roll.

Ultimately, this inspired but uninspiring quartet will appeal equally to the relics of power-pop and those too scared to really rock as Those Peabodys carve a mediocre niche into a genre already satiated with success. And when seated on the same label as Rye Coalition and stationed in the same Texan territory as And You Will Know Us By the Trail of Dead, there’s simply no way to for Those Peabodys to stay afloat when Unite Tonight barely causes a ripple and their indie-rock relatives are crushing with rowdy rock tidal waves.