Music
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Two Five

Who is Two Five

(Mix Unit; US: Sep 2006; UK: Available as import)

As it turns out, Two Five is 50 Cent’s younger cousin, a fact that 50 reportedly refuses to acknowledge because he didn’t want Two Five getting chewed up and spit out by the industry.  As it turns out, he might simply not want to be a part of the career of a rapper that’s this flat-out untalented—seriously, the numeric relationship between the two is apt, because Two Five is maybe half the rapper 50 is.  That’s right, those of you who thought 50 Cent was rock bottom were dead wrong, as Two Five is more than willing to show us on his debut mix, called Who is Two Five?.  Almost every single track on this mix contains a rhyme so awful that it inspires a double take at the CD player.  “I see a fan / Shorty love me / She gon’ wanna hug me / After tonight, she wanna fuck me / She love the way I talk, cuz I sound country / But I’m from New York where police hunt me” is about the extent of his thoughts on women. “My niggaz my bitches get high with me / My niggaz on the block get high with me / My hustlers my gangstas get high with me / And if you’re under 18 don’t get high with me”, the hook from opener “All I Need”, is his version of a PSA. And “These niggaz in the hood, man, they halfway gangstas / They prankstas / They all a bunch a Gameboy gangstas”, from (appropriately) “Gameboy Gangstas”, is a typical display of Two Five’s nonexistent rhyming prowess.  He says he’s leaving 50 behind him, but he sure isn’t shy about mentioning his famous cousin.  And he has the nerve to lift an entire verse of Notorious B.I.G.‘s “Rap Phenomenon”, even using a bit of it as a hook, for the otherwise abysmal “Illest Turned Iller”.  I have to admit, I’ve never seen lack of creativity quite so blatant.  Two Five manages to display a little bit of actual rhyming and rhythmic skill on the short “‘Stay Fly’ Freestyle”, but it’s simply too little, too late.  Rappers like Two Five are the reason people dismiss the rap genre as a whole, and in listening to this tripe, it’s almost hard to blame them.

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Mike Schiller is a software engineer in Buffalo, NY who enjoys filling the free time he finds with media of any sort -- music, movies, and lately, video games. Stepping into the role of PopMatters Multimedia editor in 2006 after having written music and game reviews for two years previous, he has renewed his passion for gaming to levels not seen since his fondly-remembered college days of ethernet-enabled dorm rooms and all-night Goldeneye marathons. His three children unconditionally approve of their father's most recent set of obsessions.


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