I'm a Success ("Sh'yeah right, Cheryl")
You may ask yourself, “What kind of thought processes go on when reviewing a new CD?” Well I’m glad you asked. In this review, I have decided to sit down with my Inner Self for a soul-searching interview about The Wes Hollywood Show’s latest release. Through this groundbreaking technique, you will encounter many of the thoughts that occur to me when pondering the creation of a music review in their raw and untamed format. So sit back and enjoy this interview/review with myself as I (or “we”) try to figure out The Girls Are Never Ending.
JT: Hello, Inner Self. Thanks so much for taking the time out to speak with me about this new CD from The Wes Hollywood Show.
IS: No problem. Glad to be of service. This is something I’ve wanted to do for a while. Y’know, get some exposure out there. You don’t need to always be hogging the limelight. So we’re talking about The Girls Are Never Ending are we? This is by that guy who thinks he’s Elvis Costello, isn’t it? Do you remember that song way back when by The Jags?
JT: “Back of My Hand (I’ve Got Your Number)”?
IS: Yeah that’s the one. Now that was a good Costello impression. This Wes Hollywood doesn’t leave any impression on me other than his music is boring.
JT: I see. Well what did you like about the album first off?
IS: The sleeve art and the colors and the fonts. That hip ‘70s thing he’s got going on. But then again those horn-rimmed glasses are too obvious.
JT: Well what didn’t you like about the album?
IS: The music. HA! No, seriously. You remember when we were listening to it on the ride home today. I kept saying to you, “This is pretty dull isn’t it?” And you’d nod but keep listening to give it the fair shake that you always do with these albums.
JT: What specifically don’t you like about the music?
IS: There are no hooks. There’s nothing. The guy’s guitar sounds like one of those old twenty-dollar Sears jobbers being played through a 15-watt amp. It’s thin and unremarkable. Plus there’s that whole between song thing going on.
JT: An absence of “banding”.
IS: Yeah, that! There’s no silence in between the tracks. Sometimes Wes starts singing and screaming some goofy junk, or there’s a weird noise or something else to link the tracks. It doesn’t work well. Is this supposed to be a concept album? I don’t think so. Maybe the noises are there to distract us from the bland music or trick us into thinking that the album is suddenly going to get exciting. I was disappointed that it never did. And I know you were as well.
JT: There had to have been something worth hearing on there. There are 13 tracks to choose from. Weren’t there a couple worth hearing?
IS: Yeah, two exactly. “Weston-Super-Mare” and “Under Your Bed” are good. But what really grates me is that “Miss Modern” song. I hate it when a band puts a deliberately warped-sounding melody into an already bad song. And besides, Stereolab had a much better song of the same name from their Dots and Loops album. I was thinking that maybe this was going to be a cover of that. No, just more disappointment. And it’s also the one song on there where Hollywood is trying to be Elvis Costello through and through. Blech.
JT: Yeah, I was thinking that as well.
IS: Of course. And what about that tune “H-Bomb”? Jesus, Costello would never write anything that ridiculous! “I don’t want an h-bomb / I don’t want an h-bomb” over and over for the choruses and more of that affected Costello vocalizing. No good at all, really.
JT: So true. So what would you suggest to the listeners out there who may have heard that The Wes Hollywood Show is a good band?
IS: I’d say, “Opening bids for The Girls Are Never Ending” start at 20 bucks.
JT: Say, there’s an idea. You do know that on the inner sleeve to the disc the message “The Wes Hollywood Show will return in town & country”, right?
IS: That’s wishful thinking. Although this is the band’s second release. Listen, could you just put that Tik N’ Tak album on again or Those Peabodys? All this talk about The Wes Hollywood Show has put me in a near-coma.
JT: No problem. Thanks again for chatting with me. I’m glad we sorted this all out.
IS: Anytime. Although, could you interview me about a good album next time?
// Sound Affects
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