Damn. After that title, what more is there to say? Oh, plenty. Come on. This record comes out of the fabulous and famous Alternative Tentacles Records of San Francisco. An innocent young boy who looks like he is straight out of Catholic school is on the front cover and has, perhaps, come to fruition as a drag queen on the back cover. Unfortunately, due to a well-placed barcode, we may never know. But let’s move on.
“Brock” is about a split head and sucking someone dry. “Magnus” is a Rocky-like tribute to the ol’ “I think I can. I think I can [repeat],” Magnus Ver Magnussen style. “Aunt Doot” is pretty funny, with an image of “hail the size of children’s heads…flying out of God’s firey ass,” so it’s not just God’s ass but…. Well, you get it. This track also includes a great line for a quit-smoking commercial: “I’d kill you all for a fucking cigarette-smoking’s my fucking life.” Aside from this line and a picture of the Pachinko boys with their respective hats on fire, there’s just one thing to say for this CD. It comes from the infamous two word music review of Spinal Tap’s album Shark Sandwich: Shit Sandwich. But how? After all, Alternative Tentacles put out this CD. Maybe it’s just dripping in sarcasm, railing against PC culture.
Let’s take a closer look, shall we? There’s a potential bit of woman bashing on the chorus, though, so that potentially blows. “Fat Ass For Par” boasts a player who will do the following to any male challenger: “I’ll stomp his dick in the dirty and throw his / Women in the trunk for later.” But wait. Don’t dial that phone yet. There’s more. If you call now, Pachinko will throw in “Splendor In The Ass,” a gay-bashing straight boy rape shower fantasy, AND “El Paso,” a racist and sexist tribute to women in Mexico, with insightful and romantic lines like “...Has she ever / Spread any wider?” Although the band’s website claims the band is “much maligned” and their sound is misunderstood, the hoped for sarcasm just doesn’t surface as overwhelmingly as it should to drown out lyrics like these.
There is amazing drum work on this heavy metal meets hard core punk creation. Plus, the first 100 callers do get a one page coloring book, featuring the Pachinko Bunny, who has a large penis and stands happily in a field of daisies. In the picture, the sun just can’t help but smile down at him! You will do the same if you pick up Splendor in the Ass II: Electric Boogaloo at a record store near you and throw it into the fire that burns on top of any one of the band member’s hats.
Published at: http://www.popmatters.com/pm/review/pachinko-splendor/