[30 June 2009]
Turn off the lights…
…and light a candle. That’s how severe soul balladeer Teddy Pendergrass wooed them back then. He started out with a group of players, and with Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes from ‘72, defined for many the sound of Philadelphia. Remember him crooning on “I Miss You”?
Eventually, Teddy’s mission of sexual healing, of loving women (and himself) the way they loved to be loved, was fulfilled through his solo career. He had to take it one on one.
Sexual healing gets lost amidst all the talk of the redeeming power of sex in relationships. All this talk about sex and screwing—NOT the love-making potential of sex—lets us deceive ourselves into believing the pop culture myth that romantic love will conquer all. And when this little bit of pop-live waivers even a bit, we’re ready to throw it all away. But do we deserve what we haven’t earned? Won’t love continue to pass us by when we neglect to care, even of ourselves?
Let’s take a shower, shower together, yeah
I’ll wash your body and you’ll wash mine, yeah
Rub me down in some hot oils, baby, yeah
And I’ll do the same thing to you
Soul is not just about love, it’s about care. As Teddy expresses here, care is mutual. Care is comprised of action based on affection, considering the other and the self. Care is genuinely not selfless, nor selfish, but decisive giving. Yet, care is only a road to love. Moreover, soul becomes the blues in an abyss of care, so take good care. Teddy offers us tips to approximate that care and cultivate that love. “Turn Off the Lights” is one of a million croons about the matter of care, not just the superficial utterance of love.
These days, love gets easily complicated with care. Care approximates love. Yet, care is not duty, and neither is love. Still, expressing care both expresses and cultivates love. As passionately as resentment can grow from obligation, love can grow from care. With the popular fixation on sensitive organs, let’s take a look at some tips on how to express care for the small, intimate family.
One sure way to care is a sure investment in health. Health, like love, cannot be bought, but cultivated. Care oils the wings of love. So here’s a tip on summer cultivation, a sure way of taking care of your partner from someone who is in the midst of the seven-year itch.
Getting through summer:
Keep yourself and your lover well fed, avoiding processed and packaged food, with plenty of raw and fresh vegetables. Please the senses: feed each other chocolate and summer fruits. Above all, every now and again, place a thick body-butter in the freezer at least until it becomes a thick slush. Use a butter rich in a balance of natural oils—it should be fruity and nutty.
When the butter is good-n-frosty, turn off the lights and light a candle. Play some soft ‘70s soul music—try Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes, Roberta Flack, LTD, Lenny Williams, Isaac Hayes, or even DeBarge’s older bros in the group Switch. Then, have you lover (or you!) undress and lay comfortably on the bed with a cool beverage. Massage your lover’s skin with the body butter, taking each limb in pieces and the rest in parts. The skin, is also an organ, so go for the skin orgasm.