Ah, Humanity!
The Osbournes, the latest exhibit in the rogues' gallery
that is reality television, seems to have done the near
impossible. In consecutive weeks, the show has earned the top
spot among cable rankings and, thus, appears to have revitalized
MTV's reputation for groundbreaking programming. It's no
coincidence, however, that the show features a pastier, flabbier
version of the heavy metal icon whose stage antics penned
several graphic chapters in rock legend. Reality shows
inevitably fudge the boundaries of celebrity, either dressing
down a big name, or momentarily exalting an anonymous dimwit, or
perhaps in some cases, doing both.
This paradox makes reality television such an easy target for
criticism that most of us no longer take notice. Glutton
Bowl, for example, the bowel-punishing gorge-fest that aired
on Fox opposite the Olympics, clearly marked a new low in TV's
ongoing love affair with vérité. But with Jamie Salle
weeping on the ice and a weightier matter brewing in
Afghanistan, the "game show" rated hardly more than a glancing
sneer.
Such wasn't always the case. A few years back, the older
generation of reality shows, "talks" of the Jerry
Springer variety, sparked a highly politicized debate as the
country saw to its moral housekeeping. After the usual exchanges
of belligerent partisan rhetoric, the uproar fizzled, ending
with some cosmetic reshuffling of time slots, a few shows dying
of natural causes and the rest settling into a contented
mediocrity. At present, it's still difficult to remember how
fabricated tales of trailer-park incest could constitute a bona
fide cause for public concern, but even in less militarized
times, Glutton Bowl and its wearying ilk would be, for
both the right and the left, a waste of ammunition.
So let MTV bask in its present good fortune. And let the network
heavyweights do their best to keep up, rattling their test
tubes, synthesizing triumphs (Millionaire,
Survivor) and euthanizing failures (The Chair), no
matter how disheartening the process. In the meantime,
Insomniac with Dave Attell has quietly been picked up for
a third season on Comedy Central, garnered a prime-time audience
over one million strong, and, in a word, legitimized the entire
project of reality television.
The show is a blend of Attell's coarse, priapic standup comedy
and a wide-eyed travelogue. Like most comics, Attell frequently
takes his game on the road, and his tour becomes the vehicle for
the half-hour-long Insomniac. He's a boozier,
gutter-mouthed Rick Steves, minus the stuffy monument-lust. Each
episode starts with a short standup segment, smartly and
irrelevantly edited to catch the highlights, but the real fun
begins as Attell explores the after-hours ecosystems of his host
city, wherever it might be: Boston, Chicago, San Francisco and
New York (Attell's native stomping ground), as well as Miami,
New Orleans, Kansas City, Boise, Philadelphia, Montreal. The
list goes on, and presently Attell is eyeballing Canada for more
upcoming stops.
His first act as the new guy in town is to hit the local
watering holes, kamikaze-style, where he rubs elbows with the
locals, unleashing icebreakers such as: "Who here has had sex
with a midget?" Armed only with a disposable camera (his
sidekick, Brian, hauls the heavier video artillery, dutifully
mute), he swings from bar to bar and stops folks on the street
for a little friendly conversation or perchance a quick
exhibitionist flash of breast, buttock, disfiguring scar. Once,
he nabs a portly, bald-headed Kansan to pop snapshots, he
claims, of his long-lost twin. "When I jerk off, can you feel
it?" he asks. At times, when the Quaker students model their
bras, or when the collegiate Bostonian quaffs a cup of cigarette
ash, cellophane, one crumpled lemon wedge and beer, you have the
sense you've been transported to Padre Island in mid-March, and
you might reasonably start casting around for the exit.
Attell himself never flinches. He knows he's a 37-year-old
bystander, momentarily swept up by frat-house logic, and after a
few disarming jokes at
everyone's expense, he cedes the floor. Intruding on two Greek
coeds frenching in a bathroom, he gestures at the toilet,
preparing to relieve himself, and flatly remarks, "No, keep
going. It's the only way I can get it out." If he doesn't
actually elicit these on-camera feats, he's not exactly their
hapless victim either, and it's this fine shade of knowing
complicity that saves face all around.
With last call as a recurring division point, the show kicks
into a second phase of hijinks as Attell delves deeper into
night-owl customs. He usually starts with a post-bar bite to, as
Dave puts it, "get a little food on that alcohol." And like a
true tourist, Dave searches out the local bill of fare:
devouring cheese steaks in Philly and nearly witnessing a riot
(which he might or might not have incited) among the patrons of
two neighboring rivals. He'll belly up to the counter of a
Manhattan diner for a cheeseburger and fries, all the while
taking time with a pair of occasionally bisexual women. After
scouring Boise, Attell finds a joint where the special is, of
all things, a heavily buttered scone roughly the size of a human
liver. Even while stuffing his face, Dave seizes the opportunity
to mix it up with the folks on the clock, on one occasion
working the line inside a Kansas City falafel truck where the
standard protocol requires staff and customers to trade
ego-blanching insults.
In the wee hours, the bar crowd has lurched off to bed,
seriously thinning the ranks of Attell's cronies, and the action
becomes more official. Dave seeks out the graveyard-shifters and
the city's various skeleton crews for quick, comedic profiles.
He makes the pre-dawn rounds with a Manhattan traffic-copter
team and tours a Boston sewage treatment plant. He drops in on
the race announcer at an all-night Miami dog track, visits a
Chicago gym where he takes his lumps from would-be, but nowhere
near, WWF stars, and observes the insemination procedure of a
Boise dairy farm. ("Oh my God! You've got your arm up that cow's
ass.") On another PETA-baiting occasion, he rides shotgun in a
Jeep convertible with the Louisiana Sheriff's Department,
rifle-hunting nutria along the city's infested canals. He even
caps a few himself (yes, forty-pound rodents were harmed during
the filming of this episode).
This is where vérité belongs: not sequestered in a sound
stage or whisked off to a photogenic island or even nestled in
the burrow of washed-out glory, but on the street, with a gutter
to spit in, where life presumably happens. Insomniac's
punchy theme song promises "a late-night freak show jubilee,"
but Attell's freaks are never divested of a recognizable
humanity. They don't have a chance to slip into a camera
persona, a convenient bitchiness or put-on posture. The six
foot, nine inch giant who stands out in a frankly Brobdinagian
bar party has no choice but to be himself, in this case, the
obliging straight man to Attell's one-liner, "So what do people
call you? Horse-cock?"
Like all forays into reality vision, Insomniac definitely
has an editorial filter. Not only is the midnight-till-dawn
revelry compressed into a half-hour segment, but Attell's
favored material is conspicuously sensational: he's a man of
prurient tastes and scatological humor, which might be a
liability if Attell didn't get bored as fast as we do.
More importantly, no matter what the itinerary -- a Manhattan
underground fetish extravaganza, a Boise gay bar where a biker
is having a "ladder" installed (a triple-piercing of the
genitalia which sends Attell's Kodak into rapid wind) -- there's
never a pall of gratuitous exploitation. At a New York fish
market, Dave tries to play up the tough aura of the docks but is
corralled by a beefy conversation-starved lout, a seafood
epicure who drones on while Dave looks askance at the camera.
Elsewhere, a garrulous middle-aged convenience store clerk
admits he keeps a gun behind the counter and even leaps out to
demonstrate his jujitsu moves, yet he never comes across as
anything but sweetly hospitable. Somehow, Insomniac
preserves the quiddity of whatever it records.
The credit rests largely on Attell's sloped shoulders. Unlike
the glossier reality show hosts (Regis' retina-damaging smile,
Survivor's forgettable master of ceremonies with his
shampoo-commercial hair), he's less an on-screen presence than
an anti-presence: his face calls to mind a bag of potatoes, a
little jowly, with a hefty schnoz, and since his baldness has
reached the shave-worthy point, his entire head is scorched with
black stubble (a look which once kept him out of a Miami model
bar). His wardrobe tends to be slobbish -- he always seems to
have the pocket space for stowing post-bar beers -- but often
the clothes themselves are less to blame than how they hang on
Attell's roly-poly physique. In the course of an episode, he
chuffs an impressive number of Marlboro Lights, and his
homunculus gambols often leave him understandably panting. All
of which makes him more, not less, compelling to watch.
If Attell's loser-esque charisma is an asset for his peculiar
milieu, a greater strength lies in his Olympic-caliber
schmoozing. He has a seemingly limitless talent for
ingratiation. At an all-night Boise gun club, the taciturn
cowboy-hatted proprietor refuses, at first, to be drawn into
conversation with the suspicious camera-toting stranger, but by
the next editorial jump-cut the whole room is vibrant, clinking
beers, as Attell heads out for a skeet-shooting competition with
a one-armed rifleman (who wins easily). In Boston, the two-man
crew of the sewage treatment plant includes a lanky veteran of
many years and a squat Latino recent-hire who squirms in front
of the camera. While they tour the works, Dave admires the sheer
magnitude of the smell (which current technology has yet to
convey adequately), and the crew seems slightly fortified by
Dave's humor, at one point awkwardly clapping a high-five.
Later, the three wave bon voyage to Dave's own fecal deposit as
it sails down the sluice tracks, a stunt very few individuals
could perform without demeaning everyone, including the
audience.
But make no mistake, Insomniac has no latent feel-good
ideology to get in the way of its fun. It's less a probing of
the night's seamy underbelly than a flea in the petticoats of a
girl who gets around. The human contact is strictly superficial,
thanks to Attell's foolproof treacle detector, and his show
isn't earnest enough to be called journalism. He's the kind of
guy who'd flag down Bartleby (arguably the most pathetic of all
literary scriveners) just to ask him how it's hanging. What's
more, Attell doesn't warm to absolutely everyone; missionaries
and balloon animals send him into shambling flight. In one
episode, he has to give the brush-off to a sad flame-haired
20something in a tie-dye who's looking for adoption. In another,
his temper flares up as he grumbles at the lifeless patrons of a
Boise ski lodge: "What is this? A bank?"
Despite its light touch, Insomniac never sinks into
irredeemably shallow pointlessness. First, there's the saving
grace of Attell's reliable comedic sensibility. And second, Dave
is as much invested in his own good time as he is concerned
about his viewers, so even at his most disingenuous, he seems
genuine, whether he's pissing on the gates of a Real
World house or hiring a professional escort to go bowling.
With a self-consciousness of the medium that is at once
aggressively postmodern and entirely natural, the show manages
to feel like a collection of outtakes. Dave directs his hoarse,
blustery baritone at the audience in mock exhortation as he
transitions to a new segment; he'll mumble to his cameraman when
he blunders into a deserted street, and after improvising yet
another one-liner, he'll turn self-congratulatory: "Damn, Brian!
I'm on fire this week!" Even the obviously redundant snapshots,
which in less capable hands might be a flimsy reality-quickening
mechanism, are invested with an air of ironic sincerity. Once
Dave bids farewell to the camera (a showy departure: on
snowmobile in Boise, on a Charles River racing vessel in the
role of coxswain) and these unflattering pictures (or
camera-still facsimiles) accompany the show's credits, you still
feel as if Attell has added them to his personal archives as
thoroughly deromanticized records of experience.
At the New York fish stalls, a guy slicing fillets proffers Dave
something from the skate family (a green, mustardy oval slab of
a fish), encouraging him to take a whiff. But Attell hangs back,
his nose curled, ducking in and quickly retreating: "I'm afraid
you're gonna smack me with it," he explains. His posture --
hunched over, wary, yet irrepressibly curious -- captures the
spirit in which life is best met: nose-first, expecting the
worst.
In a rare lucid moment of existential psycholinguistics, Jacques
Lacan remarks, "There can be absolutely no doubt that there is a
real." That might be true. But as far as television is
concerned, Insomniac's cracked lens takes us as close to
reality as we can happily get.
7 May 2002