Dear TV Executives: A Few New Years Resolutions Notes for 2011

Television executives should resolve to do a few things for me this year.

A new year means a new start and for many of us, resolutions. This year, I've decided that along with my usual resolve to break-up with sugar, others should resolve to do some things for me. This includes my mother, who should resolve to learn the difference between time zones when calling me and my dog, who should resolve to stop hopping up on the couch every time I leave the room.

Television can also do a few things for me. After all, I give it many hours of my week and it gives me—Animal Hoarding. So in the spirit of new beginnings, here are a few resolutions that television executives can make to improve my time spent with the small screen:

  • Tell me what The Event is. This show is not Lost. It does not deserve six seasons to reveal its mysteries. (On second thought, I'm not sure I still care what 'the event' is).

  • Bring Aaron Sorkin back to TV. His script for The Social Network should be enough to forgive him for leaving The West Wing.

  • Demand more creativity from scriptwriters. Do I really need to see Patricia Arquette wake-up-startled-from-a-vision at least five times per episode of Medium? Or listen to Tyra Banks give the same introduction before every elimination round of America's Next Top Model?

  • Please convince Steve Carell not to leave The Office and make Maggie Q drink a few protein shakes so those scenes where she fights bad guys ten times her size on Nikita seem even remotely possible.

  • Give me more of the kinder, gentler Gordon Ramsay. MasterChef made me want to hug him, just a little.

  • Feature more real doctors and less 'real' housewives.

  • Fire the person who decided that the seven month wait between season one and season two of V was a good marketing idea.

  • Stop filming anyone with the last name Kardashian. I've seen them in three states, already. Maybe send them on an extended holiday and resist the temptation to tape it for my viewing pleasure.

  • Never broadcast anything that has to do with brides competing for plastic surgery prizes. Do I really need to explain how many ways this is wrong?

  • Do not showcase celebrities while they are performing routines on ice. While we're on the subject, please redefine the term "celebrity" as used on this show.

  • Produce an episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition that a) doesn't reduce me to tears and b) imposes a moment of silence on Ty Pennington.

  • Rehabilitate the image of New Jersey by just saying no to more seasons of Jersey Shore, Jerseylicious and The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Just because Barbara Walters said Snooki and the rest of Jersey Shore's cast were some of 2010's most fascinating people, doesn't mean they really are.

If all these resolutions are just too hard for you to do, there's only one that really matters: Make 2011 the year that Kate Gosselin's 15-minutes of fame finally ends.

In the wake of Malcolm Young's passing, Jesse Fink, author of The Youngs: The Brothers Who Built AC/DC, offers up his top 10 AC/DC songs, each seasoned with a dash of backstory.

In the wake of Malcolm Young's passing, Jesse Fink, author of The Youngs: The Brothers Who Built AC/DC, offers up his top 10 AC/DC songs, each seasoned with a dash of backstory.

Keep reading... Show less

Pauline Black may be called the Queen of Ska by some, but she insists she's not the only one, as Two-Tone legends the Selecter celebrate another stellar album in a career full of them.

Being commonly hailed as the "Queen" of a genre of music is no mean feat, but for Pauline Black, singer/songwriter of Two-Tone legends the Selecter and universally recognised "Queen of Ska", it is something she seems to take in her stride. "People can call you whatever they like," she tells PopMatters, "so I suppose it's better that they call you something really good!"

Keep reading... Show less

Morrison's prose is so engaging and welcoming that it's easy to miss the irreconcilable ambiguities that are set forth in her prose as ineluctable convictions.

It's a common enough gambit in science fiction. Humans come across a race of aliens that appear to be entirely alike and yet one group of said aliens subordinates the other, visiting violence upon their persons, denigrating them openly and without social or legal consequence, humiliating them at every turn. The humans inquire why certain of the aliens are subjected to such degradation when there are no discernible differences among the entire race of aliens, at least from the human point of view. The aliens then explain that the subordinated group all share some minor trait (say the left nostril is oh-so-slightly larger than the right while the "superior" group all have slightly enlarged right nostrils)—something thatm from the human vantage pointm is utterly ridiculous. This minor difference not only explains but, for the alien understanding, justifies the inequitable treatment, even the enslavement of the subordinate group. And there you have the quandary of Otherness in a nutshell.

Keep reading... Show less

A 1996 classic, Shawn Colvin's album of mature pop is also one of best break-up albums, comparable lyrically and musically to Joni Mitchell's Hejira and Bob Dylan's Blood on the Tracks.

When pop-folksinger Shawn Colvin released A Few Small Repairs in 1996, the music world was ripe for an album of sharp, catchy songs by a female singer-songwriter. Lilith Fair, the tour for women in the music, would gross $16 million in 1997. Colvin would be a main stage artist in all three years of the tour, playing alongside Liz Phair, Suzanne Vega, Sheryl Crow, Sarah McLachlan, Meshell Ndegeocello, Joan Osborne, Lisa Loeb, Erykah Badu, and many others. Strong female artists were not only making great music (when were they not?) but also having bold success. Alanis Morissette's Jagged Little Pill preceded Colvin's fourth recording by just 16 months.

Keep reading... Show less

Frank Miller locates our tragedy and warps it into his own brutal beauty.

In terms of continuity, the so-called promotion of this entry as Miller's “third" in the series is deceptively cryptic. Miller's mid-'80s limited series The Dark Knight Returns (or DKR) is a “Top 5 All-Time" graphic novel, if not easily “Top 3". His intertextual and metatextual themes resonated then as they do now, a reason this source material was “go to" for Christopher Nolan when he resurrected the franchise for Warner Bros. in the mid-00s. The sheer iconicity of DKR posits a seminal work in the artist's canon, which shares company with the likes of Sin City, 300, and an influential run on Daredevil, to name a few.

Keep reading... Show less
Pop Ten
Mixed Media
PM Picks

© 1999-2017 All rights reserved.
Popmatters is wholly independently owned and operated.