godZ and Me

Godzilla: we can all relate to his rage.
By Valerie MacEwan

Me and godZ. Who would have thought we’d both still be hanging out together after all this time? Back in the early ’70s, while I learned the finer points of substance abuse during my college years, godZ was there with Minya, teaching a young boy on the run all about courage in his 1971 classic Godzilla’s Revenge aka, “Godzilla’s Leverage”. Then in 1972, as I visited LA for the first time, godZ fought the Smog Monster. The parallels and the consequences cannot be ignored. Me and godZ. We’ve shared a cabinet of laughs, a silverware drawer of tears, a hope chest of dreams, and a filing cabinet chock full of fun. It all began in 1954. Here are just a few highlights of the days of our lives:

Godzilla, a godzillasaurus, born in 1954, a type of dinosaur mutated by atomic testing.
Valerie MacEwan, a mammal, born in 1954, the same year the Atomic Energy Commission (AEC) became the center of a nation-wide controversy as a result of Oppenheimer’s suspension (1953) as a consultant to the commission on the alleged grounds that he was a security risk.

Godzilla had an off-again, on-again relationship with Mothra.
MacEwan had an adversarial juvenile relationship with Mother.

Godzilla’s adversary: Destroyer, a creature created by the mutative effect of the Oxygen Destroyer on sea life.
MacEwan’s adversary: Pfiesteria, The toxic dinoflagellate, Pfiesteria piscicida, which has been implicated as the primary causative agent of major fish kills and fish disease events in North Carolina estuaries, coastal areas, and aquaculture operations. Pfiesteria and closely related toxic species (“Pfiesteria-like complex”) have also been confirmed in fish kill/disease areas and aquaculture facilities outside North Carolina from the mid-Atlantic to the Gulf Coast. Fish kills caused by P. Piscicida usually occur in the warmest part of the year, and often precede low dissolved oxygen levels in the estuaries.

Godzilla’s fear: Gaborah — either an imaginary creation of a young Japanese boy or a ogre-like monster of unknown origin.
MacEwan’s fear: Scairtitty People — either an imaginary creation of her older brother, John, or the evil monsters that live in open cabinets and come out at night to poke their long fingernails into the arms of innocent, sleeping children. Related to but not part of the alligator under the bed scairtitty animal group.

Godzilla’s skin color is generally considered a grayish-brown hue, but color varies depending on the movie.
MacEwan’s skin color is generally considered Caucasian pale but varies according to season and beach accessibility.

Godzilla toys, produced by American toy manufacturer, Trendmasters, include everything from action figures to play sets to sponges.
MacEwan, American verbiage manufacturer, makes action figures out of sandwich meat and uses avocados as sponges.

And the parallels in our lives continue throughout the years . . .

Godzilla: The Son of Godzilla fought Gimantis, a preying mantis mutated by radiation. Godzilla returns to the island, same year, to help his son destroy the mutated insects. (1967)
MacEwan, albeit on a slightly different timeline, but who cares: The Son of Bush Uno, G.W. Bush, fights Saddam Hussein, A despot mutated by deep-hole living.

Death Ghidorah appearing in the first of the new Mothra movies (1978), has three perfectly normal heads.
Deb Goodwin lives next door to MacEwan (1978), has three perfectly monstrous Schnauzers.

King Kong vs. Godzilla, after King Kong swims out to sea, you hear Godzilla’s roar, then Kong’s roar. The screen goes black and then “The End” appears in Japanese (1963).
On a slightly different timeline (but . . . ibid): George W. Bush vs. Iraq, after Saddam Hussein swims out to sea, you hear Dick Cheney and Haliburton’s roar, then Hussein’s roar. The screen goes black and “The End” appears in Sanskrit.

Godzilla, King of the Monsters (1956). Nuclear testing awakens the monster and only one scientist can stop Godzilla’s rampage through Japan. The enduring theme of Godzilla is the monster’s anger management problem when it is awakened.
MacEwan, King of the Toddlers (1956). When awakened from a nap, only one mother can stop the miniature human’s rampage as the two-year-old leads a full frontal assault on the family heirlooms, utilizing all weapons within her reach — including crayons, markers, glue, and scissors. When awakened, the toddler must be contained within a four-foot square jail-like structure located in the den.

Godzilla graduates from Smog Monster Preparatory School (1972) and has to defend Japan from the Smog Monster created by rampant pollution.
MacEwan graduates from high school (1972) and then attends the Republican National Convention in Miami, Florida and tries, unsuccessfully, to save the US from the Nixon toxins.

Godzilla: The United Nation Godzilla Countermeasures Center (UNCC) creates a robot that they hope will end the threat of Godzilla and the newly discovered Rodan in 1993.
MacEwan watches as the United Nations (UN) and the Democratic Party (1993) create an army that they hope will end the threat of Baby Bush GW. Unfortunately, neither the UNCC nor the Bush administration can destroy their enemies successfully.

Godzilla: Time travelers tamper with the past and King Ghidorah is created to decimate Japan. Japan’s only hope is Godzilla (1998).
MacEwan The police department is out of control and chaos begins with the records department. The evidence room’s only hope is MacEwan (1998).

Godzilla vs. King Kong: Godzilla is freed from his imprisonment in an iceberg and encounters a recently escaped King Kong. The two monsters battle in Tokyo (1963).
MacEwan vs. Older Sister: MacEwan is freed from constant bickering when Older Sister goes to University of Arkansas and battles with parents over becoming a Tri-Delt (1963)

Godzilla vs. The Bionic Monster: A mechanical Godzilla is constructed by aliens to destroy the real Godzilla and his ally, King Seesar (1977)
MacEwan: MacEwan constructs first off-spring, the She-Child Janer, who rises up and conquers the minds of all who wander into her path (1977). Spawn of She-Child expected to hit theaters in September 2004.

Not everyone is born to greatness. Few succeed traversing the universe and truly making a difference. Me and godZ — fraternal twins of different mothers — we have tried to curtail the anger within and, despite all odds against us, we feel we have made a positive impact. In some small way, may our legacy be that we continued to strive to maintain some semblance of decency and that mankind suffered neither from our footprints left on this earth nor our waves upon the oceans.

Me from the ass end of the Great Dismal Swamp. My brother, godZ, from under the sea.