Only five!?!? If anything, the Spring of 2011 was more miserable than previous January to April junkfests.
Summer indeed came early to 2011 as Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, and a goatee-d Dwayne Johnson tore up box office figures with their near $90 million take for Fast Five. Clearly, after a Spring of almost completely diminished returns, audiences are eager for some of the mindless action and adventure the next four months promise. How else would you explain a two hour heist film featuring characters who used to be stunt savvy street racers raking in so much dough. Heck, between Fast Five, Rio, and a certain candy-coated bunny, it's been a battle between the May to August standards - cloying kid vid vs oversized visuals. Anything more substantial or subtle fell by the wayside...usually, with good reason.
Oh sure, there were some worthy entries in the post-Oscar leftover parade, movies that made their attempt at standing out before being pummeled by the sun-bleached toys of the season. On the other hand, there were so many failures, so many films that deserved their spot in the sloppy seconds (or more like, unfathomable fifths) department that it's easy to see why Hollywood turns this time of the year into the creative equivalent of a landfill. After all, when you bet nearly a billion dollars on product you are sure the public will love, there has to be a few missteps for every memorable mainstream entry.
Yet it's the quality of crap that's always the most amazing. On our list this year are five films that strove to be undeniably commercial within their genre equivalent. We get half-assed horror, a pair of pathetic comedies, one glossy clump of ankle-biter awfulness, and a project so perplexing in both its purpose and message that PhD candidates are already lining up to decipher its bizzaro-world message. Together, they are a quintet as creative quagmire, a brief glimpse into the garbage Tinseltown tossed our way once again. Beyond the unnecessary Big Momma sequels and attempts at staying Country Strong, these are Short Ends and Leaders' pick for the Five Worst Films of Spring 2011: