Akiva Goldman's directorial debut is a load of laugh out loud hogwash. Here are ten reasons (among many) as to why it's so ridiculous.
Winter's TaleDirector: Akiva Goldsman
Cast: Colin Farrell, Jessica Brown Findlay, Russell Crowe, Jennifer Connelly, William Hurt, Eva Marie Saint, Graham Greene, Kevin Corrigan, Ripley Sobo, McKayla Twiggs, Will Smith
Studio: Warner Bros.
US date: 2014-02-14 (General release)
UK date: 2014-02-21 (General release)
Over the weekend, the talentless hack known as Akiva Goldsman unleashed his own little passion piece of magical realism crap on unsuspecting fans of Colin Farrell (as if there are any still out there in moviegoer land) called Winter's Tale. Based on a beloved book by Mark Helprin, the film focuses on a troubled young man who falls for a dying young woman in a weird NYC where the battle between good and evil is waged with wanton regularity. There's talk of miracles, mystical entities, and a scarred Russell Crowe as one of The Devil's own. Perhaps in the hand of someone with skill in this particularly precarious cinematic subgenre, this concept could and would work. With Goldsman's untried eye behind the lens, the end result is ridiculous, not a revelation.
If fact, this film is so flawed that picking out the problems with its narrative and characters can be kind of fun - indeed, the only amusement available in this otherwise mystifying mess of a movie. How about the scene where Russell Crowe's character recreates the NYC cityscape with the reflections of stolen gemstones? Or maybe the moment a bored Jennifer Connelly bonds with Colin Farrell over how to use microfiche? We could point out William Hurt's nonchalant treatment of a man who just broke into his house, or the direct lifts from Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, and every other motionless damsel in distress fairy tale. No, for us, these are the Top 10 Stupid Things in Winter's Tale. While many come from the book, they are badly mangled by a man who should be kept behind a laptop, not a camera, while committing his artistic atrocities. Let's start from the top: