Part 1: Best and Worst Openers

WORST OPENERS

We try to stay positive, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t acts that flat out boil our brains. In fact, some folks inspire such rancor that we question whether or not to even review them. Our editor’s advice? Wait until the end of the year and then we’ll really roast ’em.

1. Moon and Moon feat. Devendra Banhart

3 November 2006: New York, NY

We said this at CMJ, but some things bear repeating: freak folk is hovering tenuously on the edge of overindulgence. The last thing the scene needs (and the world for that matter) is Devendra Banhart intoning trite spoken-word poetry over flute fills and campfire drums (did I mention there was a bellydancer clapping finger bells!?!). Playing third to last in an otherwise okay CMJ showcase, Banhart — dressed in a shirt out of Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat and bedecked in a series of faux-sacred talismans — led his new side project with the incantations of an angry wizard, but my guess is magic cards are more this band’s style. +1 for going all out. -100 for killing the scene you helped create. (AP)

2. Aloha

13 December 2006: New York, NY

A set of utterly indistinguishable indie scenesters, Aloha’s only real asset is its ability to ape the success of other acts. Now considered scene vets (simply because they’ve been kicking around in the third opening slot for so long), their touring resume is far more interesting than their music. The band’s ensemble-indie tinkling (which includes muddy, displaced moog and the occasional xylophone wank) is so aggressively mediocre that it evokes outright anger. The good news? Even pity has its limits, and they can only ride coattails for so much longer. (AP)

3. Willy Mason

7/8 May 2006: Copenhagen, Denmark

Imagine if Bob Dylan spawned a demon child and had it raised by members of Fleetwood Mac and Lynyrd Skynyrd. It’s an eerily accurate portrait of wannabe-folkie Willy Mason’s ridiculously amateur act. Mason dragged his 14-year-old brother (manning the drum kit) and a random peasant-skirted hippie chick (helping cover up Mason’s inability to carry a tune) out for this inept jaunt through Europe with Radiohead (!). With the excessive tambourine shaking and smarmy violin flourishes, it felt more like a Midwestern State Fair than Copenhagen. They should have sold Elephant Ears; at least that would have distracted us. (MM)

4. Pony up!

8 May 2006: New York, NY

When I took a glance at last year’s list of Worst Openers, I was surprised to see Pony up! mentioned alongside 2005’s other knuckleheads. But, for all their flash and frenzy, the Canadian quartet don’t connect with their audience; they’re too busy trying to connect with the more fragile parts of themselves. As an audience member, I felt awkward, insecure, and incapable of expressing my discomfort. Wait a sec — maybe they did connect with the audience after all. (BB)

5. The Stills

15 June 2006: Philadelphia, PA

The Stills suck. Simple as. Their tired take on trad-rock tropes makes Jet’s insipid gutter ramblings sound like the work of a group of rock gods. No one’s asking you to push things forward; just try not to make yourselves look so staid. Even worse, the band played so long that by the time headliners Yo La Tengo came on, I was too tired to stick around. I’m Still pissed. Bad joke? At least it’s better than the band. (AP/KP)

6. Buck 65

25 June 2006: New York, NY

You’d think he’d get a pass simply for hailing from moose-laden Halifax and trying to Beck-rap his way into the avant garde, but, on this fateful June Sunday, you couldn’t have paid me to sit through Buck 65’s free show. Rap is tough live, but his sampled beats were as wack as the Mounties, and his lyrics, when comprehensible, were only surface clever — never impacting the listener. Time to grab another Molsen, eh? (RH)

7. Skip The Rush

30 November 2006: Amsterdam, NL

I have no idea why so many pop bands are taken to wretchedly hackneyed cliché, but this Dutch foursome — which poorly mixed hair metal with pop punk — epitomized the unfortunate trend. For all their unnerving energy, they came off as a pill-popping Weezer hybrid mixed with Journey and buttressed by a bunch of screaming fourteen-year-old girls. A skipper indeed. (SS)

8. Isis

15 September 2006: Kansas City, MO

This “progressive” band (in every disparaging sense of the word) displayed a grandiose penchant for a trinity of incoherent guitar, bass, and vocals — save for the laughable, anticlimactic climax during which they unleashed a semi-articulate Slayer-like grunt/yell. I would call this screamcore, but that implies that it deserves a genre in the first place. (WF)

9. Nerina Pallot

19 August 2006: Staffordshire, UK

Not strictly an opener, but in front of a daytime festival crowd waiting to see someone better, Pallot tried to liven up her dreary middle-of-the-road set by calling for a bit of audience participation. Great idea, except her calls of “Ohh ohh ohh” were met with the same painful silence and stifled laughter that plagued the rest of her set. (ML)

10. Mark Kozelek

11 July 1006: Ottawa, ON

Kozelek came on to play ahead of Son Volt, and anticipation was high for his brief set. Unfortunately, his performance lacked pace and emotion; though he said he’d been thrown off by the afternoon set and that he could hardly hear himself above the noise from the other stages, this reviewer left convinced that his listless performance wasn’t worth hearing in any case. (CC)

BEST OPENERS

Remember when the White Stripes opened for Sleater-Kinney? How about when the Shins opened for Modest Mouse? It’s annoying when you mistake the “door time” for the “show time,” but, on the other hand, it can also pay to show up early.

1. Ra Ra Riot

7 October 2006: New York, NY

Meshing airy melodies with butt-shaking beats and pleasant fiddle fills, this out-of-nowhere Syracuse act’s anthems are pristine indie poppers whose spirits, once imbibed, are impossible to exorcise. Inexplicably opening for Harvey Danger, the band’s lovably David Byrne-like vocals were jam-packed with wonder and whimsy. Cello player Allie Lawn positively rocked her chair, bobbing her head and scrunching her face like an axe-wielding guitarist as the rest of the band powered through with unwittingly professional poise. Geeze, guys: get a record out already. (AP)

2. Thurston Moore

9 June 2006: Easthampton, MA

Arrived a bit late worried that I’d missed the raucous punk of Be Your Own Pet, but, never fear, there’s Sonic Youth’s gangly front-man hunched over his guitar on a stool, trying out a few songs from the still upcoming Rather Ripped for a crowd of 30 people. After acoustic-ish versions of “Incinerate” and “Rapture,” he invited a friend up and cranked 15 minutes of mind-bending feedback with his Bark Haze project. (JK)

3. French Kicks

6 August 2006: Hoboken, NJ

Phoenix were certainly no slouches, but, then, they couldn’t afford to be after openers French Kicks turned in a powerhouse set of jaw-droppingly beautiful shoe-gaze reverb that echoed off each and every wall. Talk about a time to hit the doors the second they open. All those who hopped on the PATH train early, rejoice! (RH)

4. Phonograph

20 October 2006: Latrobe, PA

Opening for Wilco, arguably the biggest band in indie-Americana, this band streamlined forty-five minutes of rollercoaster sound as a steady flow of new fans nestled in the middle of Nowhere, USA. When lead singer Matt Welsh yelled out, “Thanks for coming, we’re Phonograph, get ready for WILCO!” I was grateful for the reminder, because I’d forgotten they were even playing. (BB)

5. Walter Meego

20 October 2006: Reykjavik, Iceland

Very few bands can pull off the live electronic feel without making me laugh, but Walter Meego’s 40 minutes of salaciously intense, melodic peak-and-valley trance flirted so well with rock, funk, and disco that you simply couldn’t keep it out. This was danceable stuff, but also quirky, thoughtful, and genuine, and the band pulled off the sound live with only a guitar and a couple of keyboards. (SS)