Cardi B and Bruno Mars – “Please Me” (Singles Going Steady)

Mike Schiller: Here we have two artists sticking closely to their strengths, Cardi B being supremely confident and hilariously vulgar while Bruno Mars sings a hook designed to get stuck in your head for days. It’s all fairly predictable, though the chemistry and charisma that ooze out of the track push it slightly past rote. Bruno Mars’ mustache game is on point, though. [6/10]

Adriane Pontecorvo: Once again, Cardi B and Bruno Mars embrace throwback sounds and visuals as they go to yesterday’s East LA on “Please Me”. The contrasts are key. Bruno Mars whips out a retro slow jam as Cardi B takes the reins with playfully in-your-face raps that keep the song up to date. As a sort of B-side to the video for “Finesse”, it works. The opening moments of the video include the scene-setting caption “after the party,” and that’s exactly what “Please Me” gives us: the late, late hours, intimate fun, and lower lights. Depending on your preferences, Cardi B’s straightforward approach is either refreshing or off-putting as she eschews subtleties. Personally, I much prefer overt sexuality to any kind of ambiguity when it comes to songs for seduction, and Cardi B delivers like none other. I don’t know why she has to call me out as basura – the trash talk seems a little out of place – but she still comes out on top, double entendre intended, on “Please Me”. [7/10]

Jedd Beaudoin: At least the food looked somewhat appetizing. Not much chemistry between B and Mars. I would have rather listened to the meat on the grill for three minutes. [1/10]

Mick Jacobs: It makes sense I enjoy this considering I also enjoyed “Body Party” five years earlier. What I like most about this is the woman in the song take over the verses and hypeman role we’ve come to expect from men in these types of duets. For his part, Mars sounds strained, but I always get that impression when he reaches for the high notes. This hardly matters as I could listen to Cardi B’s “lemme hear you say” on repeat. [8/10]

Rod Waterman: One of these people has played the Super Bowl more than once, the other apparently declined to appear at the most recent event. I’m not sure what that has to do with the price of fish. The video for this song begins “somewhere in Los Angeles” “after the party”. We cut to a taco restaurant, where Bruno is relaxing with his pals, when who should walk in but Cardi B and her best girlfriends. Bruno is thinking, “Of all the taco joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.” Sparks obviously fly, and clearly Humphrey and Ingrid would never have gotten down like this, although it’s fun to think about them twerking to “As Time Goes By”. You must remember, this: a lollipop is not always a lollipop. [7/10]

William Nesbitt: This song is okay. Like the food served in the video’s diner, it probably satisfies at the moment but not much more. Props to Alex the nonplussed service worker just trying to make it through a shift and pretending that seeing customers booty popping on the bar and straddling the drink fountains is a regular occurrence. I never see this when I eat at a dive diner. Fun enough, but I’ve had my fill by the end. [6/10]

John Garratt: I can’t tell if this is a joke or not. If it is, there are better ways to indulge one’s guilty, ironic pleasures than to watch rich people gyrate with one another in an LA taco stand. You could go and get your own taco, sit in a booth, and sing about it. If “Please Me” is meant to be a serious song, then you get the picture within the first 50 seconds of the video. [1/10]