Panic! at the Disco – “Victorious” (Singles Going Steady)

Steve Horowitz: How many white male athletes does it take to make a Panic! At the Disco video? Don’t forget to carry the light-skinned grey lady. Give up? That’s because the band is victorious. Pour the champagne over our bods and celebrate. Now I never expected profundity from this band, and though in the past I swore they seemed more ambitious than this. Still, we all need music to party and make merry with. If that’s all you need, it’s here. Woo hoo! [6/10]

Dustin Ragucos: Panic! at the Disco seem to be at a standstill as to whether they want to shoot for being in movie soundtracks like Fall Out Boy or whether they want to be featured on a future reboot of Inspector Gadget, considering their choice in guitar sound. Though the song is mostly cliché, the line where Brendon Urie talks about being fifty words for murder is pretty delectable. This is a strange regression for the band. It’s strange and terrible. [2/10]

John Garratt: The only thing worse than watching people have a good time is having someone tell you about it in song. And for the production of said song to have suffered through three compressions too many. And to have no distinct musical qualities save for a voice that constantly sings out of its range. [3/10]

Kevin Korber: How delightful, someone gave Brendon Urie a rhyming dictionary. He still writes too many words for his own good, and bombastic Charli XCX pop is an even worse look for them than when they tried to sound like the Beatles a few years ago. [3/10]