What is it to properly think about the relationship with the beloved? When asked about our love relationships, we often resort to descriptions of effects and affects. “S/he makes me feel joy/ anxiety/ bliss/ despair.” “I’m happy in his/her presence.” “I’m lost without my love.” “I’m better off without him/her.” This is not thinking about the relationship. This is thought trapped in concern with the self.
What if proper care of the self is predicated upon the care for the beloved, for the one that is not you and is not even fully comprehensible by you? The love relationship seems to posit the notion that care of the self, the furtherance of the self, requires abnegation of the self, requires a wager, a wager that can result in loss and failure, a wager that involves the cession of the self over to the enigmatic void of the beloved’s desire.