Weezer – “Thank God for Girls” (Singles Going Steady)

in one month's time and thereafter into eternity, no one will ever, ever say to themselves, "You know what? I really have to hear 'Thank God for Girls' again. It's brilliant."

Brian Duricy: Rivers Cuomo’s Genius (for which I am a contributor) annotations for “Thank God for Girls” offer interesting, to say the least, insight into the writing process behind this song (for example, he spelled “cannoli” wrong on the song’s first draft!) But for all the passable melodies that would sound at home as a crossover hit on pop radio, the lyrics just beg the question: Why? Was any of this truly necessary? It must be nice to have the luxury to write songs as inane as this, to have critics take the time out of their day to respond to the ever-expanding definition of “art”. [1/10]

Steve Horowitz: Man, I hate to see the waste of good cannolis, but Weezer puts them to good use here. The song and video are silly and catchy. Who doesn’t want too much — of sweets and a sweetie — in the imagination. The connotations may be dumb, but never heavy. You can squeeze the cannoli until the cream pops out or throw one against the wall. It’s all in fun. Let’s all the boys sing together in appreciation of the opposite sex and put up the words for them to read. [7/10]

Kevin Korber: What happened, Rivers? I thought we were back on track with the last record. Then you decide to put out this turd, in which you admit how creepy it is that you’re still behaving like a 14-year-old and go ahead with it. This was somewhat endearing in 1994; now it’s a little disturbing, and the fact that you know it makes it even worse. I’m going to need a shower after listening to this. [2/10]

John Garratt: And here I thought Rivers Cuomo had learned his lesson about making music too stupid for his own good. Hiking trip in the woods with your bros? Cannolis? So much for Weezer actually making progress. If the title is enough to cause hesitation on your part, obey your instincts. [4/10]

Paul Duffus: It’s difficult to imagine what occasion anyone would have to listen to this. Weezer fans will give it a spin, sure, but that’s out of habit more than anything to do specifically with the song and its merits, of which there are none. When rock and roll was invented by Clement Attlee in 1952, people thought it was just a passing fad, and yet over 60 years later we’re still listening to those early records. By contrast in one month’s time and thereafter into eternity, no one, not a single soul on the face of planet Earth, will ever, ever say to themselves, “You know what? I really have to hear ‘Thank God for Girls’ again. It’s brilliant.”

Musically this is vapid. It’s a one-and-done listening experience devoid of any features of interest. And lyrically, yeah, Rivers annotated his own song on Genius, but that’s a bit like a cat going back to its litter tray and annotating its shit with another layer of shit. [2/10]

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